Maid of Honor Issue! Please help!

vickimac

My best friend since I was 4 and I (currently 28) made a promise when we were 8 or 9 to be each others maids of honor when we grew up. We drifted in and out of eachothers lives but stayed close during and after highschool. The promise came up here and there as our boyfriends during those years changed and we would laugh at our childhood plan. About 3-4 years ago we went our seperate ways and now rairly talk. In that time I became close with another friend of mine who I would now concider my best friend and want her to be my maid of honor. How do I ask my childhood friend to be a part of my wedding but as a bridesmaid, not my maid if honor, with out hurting her. I'm not expected to stick to my 8 year old self's promise am I?

bablingbrooke

"I'm not expected to stick to my 8 year old self's promise am I?" Um, no. Anyone who would hold you to that is nuts. There's a very good chance she doesn't even remember it.

nightmare_of_beauty

Brooke is right. If you've grown apart, I don't see her caring and really noticing. Lives change.

stilettos_and_sippys

Is one of them married? If so you could call one of them your "Matron of Honor" and one your MOH. If not... don't worry about it. If the shoe was on the other foot would she ditch her best friend for you??? Most likely not. Being a bridesmaid is an honor in itself... if she gets upset because she doesn't get to be first in line then that's a little ridiculous.

trix1223

When I was 8 I made a lot of promises. I wouldn't expect ANYONE to hold me to a childhood promise that I made 18 years ago. You were 8 YEARS OLD, for goodness sake. I'm sure you said and did a lot of things at age 8 that you don't do today. Ask your childhood friend to be a BM. If she responds that she expected to be MOH, she's the rude person, not you.

melishka716

I made so many promises as a child, but I didn't hold up to most. If you want, you can have 2 MOHs. And as a PP post said, it is an honor to be a BM. Even being a guest, IMO, is an honor. I'm sure she would understand.

tiffspff

My cousin and I had that pact when we were younger... she was a bridesmaid in my wedding a few weeks ago and my best friend was the MOH. My cousin was excited to be a part of my wedding and very excited for me that I was getting married. As far as I know, she had no hurt feelings. You can't be held accountable for all childhood promises. :-)

mbcdefg

If I kept childhood, teen and college-year promises to have certain people as my bridesmaids, my wedding party would consist of about 6 people that I no longer talk to (including one friendship that ended on very bad terms). No, you're not expected to keep your promise. And that won't make you a bad person by any means. So don't feel bad about not asking her to be MOH. Ask your current closest friend.  And you're also not obligated to ask her as a bridesmaid if you otherwise wouldn't be asking her at all ... you said you rarely talk, so I'm not sure if you guys are even close friends anymore. BMs should be your dearest friends. Don't feel guilted into asking her just because you USED to be best friends. It's perfectly O.K. to have her as a guest, or maybe ask her to do a reading if you want to honor her but not necessarily have her as a bridesmaid.

ffmaid

You are under no obligation to stickl to a promise made regarding wedding party that was made before you got engaged. If you want her as BM just ask her as a bm. She should be honored and not upset since she knows you ahve drifted over the years too