His crazy family!

SarahBerah

My FI comes from a blended family of 8(!!!) children and he is the oldest. For my bridal party I only really want to have my sister as matron of honor and cousin who I grew up being incredibly close to with me. The problem is that he has 7 siblings, he only was planning on having his the two oldest brothers in his side so we are even but that leaves the issue of his sister who is only a year younger than us. Lil sister and I have had ups and downs in the relationship we have because I don't exactly agree with some of her life choices, but she is exicited that I am going to be her sister (all the other kids are boys!).  She is also an INCREDIBLE piano player and while I don't want her in my bridal party is it rude to ask her to play at the ceremony? I know this is kinda crazy and confusing but I'm just not sure how to include her exactly.  If your future SIL asked you to play piano would you be offended for not being asked to be in the wedding party?

jeannigirl

No I think that is considered has an Honor to be asked to play at your ceremony. I think that would be just fine.

blackfire5th

I think it would be nice if she played one piece, but it you ask her to play for the entire ceremony, she would be playing and she wouldn't be able to enjoy everything. One showcase song: honor Entire ceremony: job You don't have to have her do anything. I've heard of a lot of people that simply have their siblings wear a crosage or bout. to make them stand out as immediate family.

peachkins

I agree w/Blackfire.  I think that asking someone to do a solo is an honor, but don't make her play through the entire ceremony.  A solo may be all you're referring to, but I wasn't quite sure.  If my brother asked me to play clarinet at his wedding, I would be happy to.  Honestly, I would probably be a little disappointed that I wasn't asked to be in my brother's wedding, but I would get over it, and hopefully she will too.  I think that considering how many siblings he has, it's understandable that not everyone will be included. 

FutureMrsAugusta

I think that it would be perfectly fine to ask her to play a selection on the piano as an alternative. If you don't want her to be as upset about not being a BM you can perhaps have some of his brother read verse selections, or something so it seems like you're including many of them in "small" special ways. My FH(future husband) has a sister who is the same age as me, but she's not BM worthy in my eyes, and we've had a "rocky" relationship, and I am no asking her to do anything in my wedding and he is supportive because he says it's my wedding and my choice. One thing you can do, despite not having her as a BM is still try to include her in the BM activities, like Bachelorette Party, and what not. Just let her know "hey, I'm excited to have you as a SIL"

ffmaid

What does Fi want his sister to do. She can be a groomswoman. Basically she shoudl have whatever role Fi wants as she is his siters. Sides do not need to be even or along gender lines

SarahBerah

Thanks everyone so much! We have music like off CD's for everything but the bridal march I think which I was hoping she might play then something of her chosing for a solo. I already have some family singing a song that has been sung at every wedding in my family for 3 generations so I am trying to figure out how to not make this too long!

megk8oz

I agree that one showcase piece would be nice ... as long as she wants to do it. My mom has been harping on me to bug my one brother (Who is a GM) to play my bridal recessional on the trumpet. I already know he would not enjoy doing this ... in fact when my mom has tried to "casually" bring this up in front of both of us, he actually has bean-dipped her! I also play a few instruments, but do not mind playing in front of people (Which is part of my brother's issue on the subject). If my FSIL ask me to play a piece instead of being a BM, I personally would be thrilled just to be involved somehow. But that's if it were one or 2 special pieces. Playing the whole cermony or cocktail hour in my opinion is something you pay somebody to do.

[Deleted User]

I was the FSIL at my brother's wedding, I was musically gifted so in lieu of a vocalist I was asked to sing.I was a member of the bridal party also, so I had to leave the party and go up and sing which if not practised properly can be a logistical nightmare in itself.If your groomsmen and bridesmaids are even you could say you clipped her as a bridesmaid for symetry--tell her you're paying all this money for photos and it really means alot to you to get a symetrical look but that you still "love to have her help by showing off her awesome piano skills--that you would be totally thrilled to have her play."I am pretty sure if you compliment her enough she will do exactly as you tell her, especially if she is eager to please you.

winowedding

I agree with most PPs, but I would not tell her that she was "clipped for symmetry". This will surely be offensive. You would essentially be telling her that pictures are more important than she -and her feelings!- are. Not the best way to start off with your new ILs. I think asking her to play one piece would be a nice way to include her.