Bridesmaid Issues

melroseb1

Anybody else having bridesmaid issues? The closer the wedding gets- 31 days from now-the more disinterested my bridesmaids are acting. With the exception of my best friend and my sister, most of them make crude comments to me, or to others at my shower! What do I do to enjoy the next month, and wedding day with them after all this? Help!

duckie1905

Okay, first of all, I'm curious to know what these "crude" comments are.Second, without knowing more, I'd guess that these ladies are just wedding-ed out.  Have they been helping you with lots of wedding related stuff?  Have you been babbling non-stop about your wedding?  Yeah, this annoys people that consider themselves to be wedding people and gets really irritating for those of us (including me) that didn't really care all that much about wedding stuff to begin with.Just chill, enjoy the time with your best friend and sister and do what you can to ensure you don't annoy your other BMs to the point that they can't stand to be around you anymore.

mbcdefg

Ditto PP, what kind of "crude comments"?Have you had a lot of meetings with them, expected them to help plan, talked about the wedding a lot? They might just be tired of it. Or maybe they feel like they're being treated more as BMs than as your friends. What triggered all this? Was there a specific instance? Have your best friend and sister clued you in as to what's going on?

melroseb1

Actually, they haven't done anything! They've all said "call me when you need some help" or "let me know when you're doing things so I can be there", and then had some reason to not be availbale. I'm pretty planned out, so the 2 times I've let them know- way in advance- they haven't be able to be there. Those times I wasn't upset, I was really only "asking" for help because they had asked to be invited several times. I didn't actually need that much help! Crude comments like "I'm gonna have to drink to get through this shower" have been made to family friends at my shower, or comments like "oh get on with it, I have things to do this afternoon" when I'm opening a gift- when we just started opening presents! Seriously, I have not asked much from these girls, and this was the only shower they've been to- my sis and best friend are just as puzzled as I am. Granted one gal got divorced last year, so maybe she has residual isses from that, but that still does not mean that she can make rude comments about me! And these are friends that I've been in their weddings, so they know the drill!!!

melroseb1

P.S. I'm also really busy doing other things in my life and do not constantly talk about our wedding- so again, I'm confused!

duckie1905

Okay well first of all, unless they said any of these things to you directly you cannot assume that these statements are anything but gossip.  Until they say something to you let it drop.  Even if these comments were made who cares?  The fact remains, however, that you didn't hear them say anything.  Lots of things can be taken out of context that then seem worse.It is completely realistic to assume that they were just asking to be invited or offering to help to be nice and they really had no intention of being active participants, which is fine as some people just aren't into the wedding thing.With that being said the only one that can take away your enjoyment of this time in your life as well as their friendship is you.  IMO, they haven't done anything so awful that you won't be able to enjoy your wedding with them around. 

mbcdefg

It sucks that they offered to help and then didn't come through. They should've just kept their mouths shut on that case and not made the offer. But I'm guessing they were always a bit flakey, right (not just during your engagement)? Are they typically people who only do things when they are the ones to benefit? If so, realize that they will NOT change their behavior just for your wedding. I agree that it's rude, but if you accepted this behavior before your engagement then there's not really an excuse to find it unacceptable now that you're getting married. As far as the comments during the shower ... I wouldn't say that they were "crude." "Crude" means that something is gross or disgusting or inappropriate. I thought you meant that they were making dirty jokes in front of your grandma. Were their comments rude? Yes. Sounds like they just don't have a censor button. I think we can all admit that someone else's shower is not the first place we'd all like to be, but at least most of us keep quiet about it and pretend to enjoy ourselves. Plus, some girls (and women) like to show off by acting like they're bored and "too cool" for whatever's going on, not realizing that it just makes them seem obnoxious. How old are they, out of curiosity?I think they're just immature. So I would relax, realize that it's not about you and your wedding (it's their personalities, not a reaction to you, is what I mean), and only surround yourself with people that are more supportive and know how to speak tactfully. Expect nothing more from them than to be at the wedding on time in the proper outfits, and that way you will not disappoint yourself by expecting more from them.

melroseb1

You are right- not so awful, I should just get over it. One comment was made to me though- about the opening of the gift- but I need to let it go! I think I was just so shocked someone would actually say something like that! oh well . . . I STILL GET TO MARRY MY AWESOME FIANCE!!

melroseb1

To MBCDEFG- very well said. You just about nailed them on the wall! Ages- mid to late twenties!

duckie1905

Okay, since they said something directly to you, I would describe that as rude (rude as hell, actually). But the advice still stands.  The only one that can ruin this for you is you.  If you let them get to you they won't suffer because you are upset, you will.  

banana468

Ditto the other smart ladies.  Practice "the look".

BelhurstBride

Meh, I needed a drink to get through my own shower. They're not exactly barrels of fun for many people. I'd take it with a grain of salt and move on. And my guess is they offered to help to be polite, not thinking you'd actually offer for it.

ffmaid

Showers are miserable boring events that we all hostess and attend in honor or our friends because we love them . I bet you will in the next 5 years be at a baby or wedding shower and thing exactly what your friend said that you want a drink to get through teh bordom of watching others open housewares or baby booties. Seriously almost all women hate them . It is fun for you because it is your family and your friends but chances are your friends do not really know and love your aunt sue and great granny as much as you do so they are basically attending a boring afternoon mainly out of love for you. No big deal. Ignore it and look at the bright side.

megk8oz

I'm not going to lie ... I tend to find showers incredibly boring ... but at the same time I have never in my life even thought it was ok to say anything of that nature to the bride- or mom-to-be. I ditto The Look. Also, the fact that you realize that in the end, the only thing that matter is you get to marry your FI. Just keep holding on to that, because that is what makes this so exciting for you. Your BMs, after all is said and done are pretty much left with a dress they most likely won't wear again, and the memories of the (hopefully very fun) day. I'm not trying to say that they shouldn't be happy for you. But I also have been dealing w/BMs that really couldn't care less (And I'm only having my own sisters and FI's sister ... actually, FI's sister has been the most supportive to date) ... and while it gets frustrating, I really do keep remembering that it doesn't matter if they don't jump up & down with me ... it matters if FI jumps up & down with me, lol.

banana468

My mother's look hurts MUCH more than any smack she could give.

banana468

That should be when my mom gave "the look".  She's a rather lovely woman otherwise.  :-)