MOH dilenma

nstraverse

I asked a great friend to be my MOH just after we got engaged. She stated yes but then went flaky after we started talking about the wedding the beginning of the year. I also had asked a friend to be a bridesmaid and she said yes. Due to the first one being flaky, my bridesmaid stated she would take some of the duties if needed. My MOH agreed happily as there were things in her life that are creating her to not be 100%.Which one do I have stand next to me now as they have both called each other MOHs's?

mbcdefg

Short answer: You asked the one girl to be MOH, so she is MOH. She stands next to you. Long answer: Maids of Honor do not have duties. There are some things that, traditionally, a MOH may do ... but they do this if they WANT to. Not because they HAVE to. MOH does not come with a job description ... a MOH is your closest friend, not the best helper. And it'd be really wrong to demote the original MOH or lessen her role just because she's unavailable to help out (which your post seems to suggest). It is very nice of your BM to volunteer to help you out, but this isn't a case of your original MOH slacking. This is just a matter of the BM having more time and interest to help you out. If you want to thank the BM for her involvement, write her a nice note and maybe get her a small gift or take her out to dinner, but don't do it in front of the MOH or the other BMs. And you don't have to reward the second girl for her help by making her MOH - it's a one-day, essentially meaningless title. If you've already asked both to be MOH, then alternate the honors between them ... let one stand next to you, and let the other sign the license or give the toast.

duckie1905

Really their only requirements are to buy the dress and show up at the wedding. I'm not sure what other duties you might be talking about. Regardless, if you asked the first one to be your MOH then just leave it at that. How much one does for how or how little the other does really shouldn't be the reason you give the honor to both. Making the other MOH (or making both MOH) would be the equivalent of saying "you didn't help me enough so you don't deserve the honor of being my MOH" and could potentially be hurtful. Just leave your WP as it is; don't base it on the parties they are willing to throw and the planning chores they are willing to help you with.

banana468

The first one you asked is still your MOH.  Just have the 2nd one stand next to her.I'm curious about what you were wanting from them when your wedding is still so far away though.

melishka716

You could call both of them MOHs, since it's your wedding, but think of this scenario: You make them both you MOH, but the originally is not herself. She seems distant with you, more so than ever. Bottom line, if you do make the other BM a 2nd MOH for helping out, then it's defeating the purpose of the honor. The original would probably be upset and not want to really be friends, since she is being taken out, essentially.The other posters are correct about duties. She buys the dress, of your choosing, but in her budget, wears it, and stands next to you. She'll probably hold your bouquet, I mean, how hard is that, and then smile for any pictures of the WP formals.

melishka716

**original, not originally

lyndausvi

Ditto everyone. My philosophy is if the groom can pick a bunch of guys to be in GM and the only thing they have to do it get the tux and show up and than the same should be for the BM.

nstraverse

Okay everyone. So I think for some reason things got mixed up when you were all reading this and I am sorry for that.  So, I am going to clarify and tell you what I came up with. So, My original MOH started talking to me THE DAY I ASKED HER TO BE MY MOH ON 8-5-07 about wedding things. I requested her wait until after my daughter was born (Feb 2008). She would still not totally stop talking about things but for the most part did. Just every other time we would talk, she would bring a detail up (which was FINE). After my I gave her the go a head to talk, we actually planned SEVERAL things at the beginning of 2009. Like, location of ceremony, reception hall, rehearsal dinner. Just since it was easier to do with our daughter being little and not quite able to 'run around'. In MAY 2009, my MOH had some personal things that she had to take care of and stated that she would not be able to help with what I called 'duties' earlier. However they were things SHE found online at this site -http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/bridal-party/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspxand This one -http://www.bridesmaid101.com/maid_of_honor_duties.htmlSo, she suggested my BM take some of these over and be called a MOH as well. When looking on here, I saw people were stating it was okay to have two MOH if needed/wanted. THAT Was why I was asking. I am keeping it with the original MOH in front as without thinking, the 2nd should walk with her hubby that I did not know what being in the wedding until after I wrote this as I thought he was our DJ. Instead, he is pulling double duty. So, For those of you who decided to voice an opinion and be kind of nasty about it, I am sorry if this offended you. It was not suppose too. I was just asking a simple question that apparrently didn't come out the way I wanted.Hope this clarifies some and hopefully you will not think I am anything near a 'bridezilla' as I have even told the girls that I didn't care what their dresses looked like as long as they were comfortable, the flowers are just daisies and everything is literally within 5 minutes of each other as I really didn't want to have to do much. THAT WAS THE POINT. Not htat I felt necessary to have the best of the best.Thanks!