Would you rather...

blackfire5th

In response to the post below, would you rather have someone tell you that your bf is cheating on you or would you want everyone to stay out of it and wait for your bf to fess up? My vote- I would rather have someone tell me so that I could move on with my life and get checked for STD's sooner.

Leah&Christian09

I would want to know, but I would be mortified if I found out from a friend of the other woman. I've been in a position where I had to tell a close friend before. I've never regretted telling her, but I can't imagine how much worse it would have been for her if it had come from a stranger.

megk8oz

I SAY I'd rather find out from whomever would tell me sooner ... but depending on the circumstances, even if the friend was totally telling the truth, I really might not believe it.Like if my infamous BSC friend was all like "Meg, I totally walked in on your FI having a 3-way with 2 of his coworkers" ... there's a number of reasons why I wouldn't believe that, even if it were the God's honest truth.Sometimes, the only way you can accept something like that is to hear it straight from the jackass's mouth.

LarissaAnn

I'd want to know. In fact, it's happened to me. Twice.

tiffgriffin7

I would want to know, I actually was in the position of having to tell a friend once and I don't regret telling her except it definitely changed our relationship b/c she is still with the guy...

kmmssg

I would want to know.  My ex-h cheated on me and ALL of my friends knew it and I was clueless.  

banana468

Ex BF cheated on me.  Ultimately he told me but only because one of my dearest friends said that he had to tell me by X date or she would.And then I got to incur the lovely expense of getting myself checked for STDs.I honestly can't fathom WHY people don't think that's a very real concern.  All it takes is the GF trusting her BF ONE time and her life can be altered forever.  I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I thought that my friend had a disease that she'd never shake all because I was too proud to say something.

swim1011

I would definitely want to know, no question.

SarahPLiz

I'd want to know. Been there, no one told me but I should have expected it, given how we met. What's worse then getting checked for STD's is having the "before we do this" speech with the next guy.. who happens to be my loving and more than understanding FI.

banana468

I'm also honestly curious if there can be legal recourse.  If I wound up with the need to be under medical treatment for the rest of my life due to my so-called "friends" staying quiet, I would wonder if I could sue to re-coup my medical costs.When you suspect that a child is in an abusive household, you are legally obligated to report it.  If you are aware that someone is running around on a dear friend and do nothing to stop it and the friend winds up with a disease, I would also be upset at the friend for being silent.

ecsmiles

I was in this situation before I met FI.  I was dating this guy for about two years, and while I had this weird feeling that something could be going on I had no proof.  I even asked him and he assured me that nothing was going on.  Finally, one of my guy friends told me everything - and the worst part was that she was a friend of mine at the time.  Anyway, once he told me it felt like everyone knew this was going on - and had been going on for the last 6 or 7 months of our relationship.  I was so glad that I found out the truth, but I wish that someone had told me sooner.  I felt like an idiot when people were like "how did you not know" or "we just didn't know how to tell you."

Leah&Christian09

Banana, I read about a case a few years ago where a dude had HIV, knew he had it, didn't tell his partner, gave it to the partner, and the partner sued him. I don't know if it would work as well if he hadn't known, though. I did work on a case where the H cheated and gave his W herpes. She made out like a bandit in the divorce.

megk8oz

Actually, Stage makes another valid point. I, too, have "shoot-the-messenger" tendencies when it comes to the really "Holy Crap" news. I would hate to run the wrong person over with my car.

banana468

That's why I think my MOH handled it perfectly.  She told d-bag ex that he had x days to tell me or she would.Sure I would have been upset with her at the time but ultimately I would have calmed down.I absolutely agree with Retread.  If you know and don't tell you're putting that friend's life in jeopardy. 

LarissaAnn

Banana, depending on your state, it could constitute assault - IF he knew he had a disease and continued to have relations with you and not tell you. I had a divorce case like that too, but with syphilis or chlamydia, I forget which. It was many years ago.

banana468

I knew that if you knowingly didn't tell someone about having a disease then that can be legal grounds.  I'm wondering though if not saying can now be construed as potentially knowing.  I guess that's just VERY hard to prove though.

LarissaAnn

Yeah, you'd need to prove beyond a reasonable doubt (for criminal) or by a preponderance of the evidence (for civil) that the perp knew ahead of time.... if you could find a doc's test result that showed it, that'd do it.

banana468

Larissa, I'm wondering, what if friends are aware that the SO is carrying a disease, know that the d-bag is cheating and withhold that information.  I'm more curious than anything. 

sohappyforthem369

I'd rather someone send me a picture, so I could have proof.