Adults Only Reception

wcvsb3b5

We are having an adults only reception, with the only kids being the ones in WP. Our flower girl will be almost three and we aren't planning on having a ring bearer because my cousin's five year old son doesn't want to be the center of attention and my other cousin's son is a little old (10). We are really close to both of these boys so we really want them to be at the reception but by cutting the rest of the kids out we decreased our guest list by over 20! Would it be appropriate to have the boys hand out ceremony programs and this be the reason why they can come to the reception when other children can not?

jagore08

I did a no kids policy too with two exceptions, my two nephews. We didn't have any kids in the WP but I couldn't imagine not having my wedding without the two of them there. No one said anything about them being there and no others allowed. I say do what you want to do. If it would make you feel better with them handing out programs then let them hand out programs.

ecsmiles

I think you're ok to have them come and not other kids.  I like the idea of them handing out programs, just so nobody can give you a hard time or anything.

dsouldiva

I think you will cause bad feeling by doing this since "program hand-er-out-ers" (or whatever you choose to call them) aren't really in the wedding party, you would just be making an exception because you like them -read between the lines- and you don't like other people's kids - seriously this is how the other parents are going to feel.You need to make clear rules - WP kids only and have the kids as Pages/ring bearers or immediate family only (incl kids)Personally I think you should either do Adults only or include everyone's Kids, IMO the only acceptable exception to an Adult's only rule is when the children involved are the bride and grooms

megk8oz

FI and I have said no kids with the following exceptions: my 9 year old brother, his 8 year old nephew, his 12-year-old step-nephew, my [will be] 1 year old neice, and my 13-year-old cousin. My brother is my brother. The neices and nephews are our siblings kids/stepkids. And my cousin, had I left him out, would have been the ONLY first cousin not invited to the wedding. Everybody else and their offspring can "suck it", if you will. You don't need to explain that kids of close family are allowed, but "farther out" (Like 2 cousins or whatever) aren't. You don't need to create a job for the boys (Though if they want to do this, then I don't really see an issue) to justify it.

CTGirl30

I actually happen to agree with dsouldiva, although it appears we are in the minority on this one. I think you're bending the "rules" to your WP-only children (which would really only include the flower girl) by trying to come up with "jobs" for the 2 kids you DO want there. If the 5 yr old is shying away from RB due to the attention it might garner, I'm not sure asking him to hand out programs and interact with a ton of guests is going to make him any more comfortable....But it's an either or thing, I think. Either you allow all your guests' kids to come or you only allow kids that are family or you only allow kids in the WP. But not have SOME kids come and some left off the list...otherwise people are going to wonder why they had to pay a babysitter for 6 hours and someone else didn't...when they're both family or they're both friends, know what I mean?

mbcdefg

If the other kids you don't want to come are not family members - or if they're more distantly related to you than these two Second Cousins are - then you can get away with that. "Sorry, family kids only" will work if the other kids are friends' kids. "Sorry, we set the limit at the children of cousins" will work if the other kids are Third Cousins or something else. If the other kids that you don't want to invite are also Second Cousins, or maybe First Cousins or nieces/nephews ... then that's where it gets tricky. You are entitled to invite whomever you want, but the hard part is getting people to accept it. You really can't say to someone, "Second Cousin Billy can come because he's well-behaved, but Second Cousin Sally is not invited because she's a brat and her idiot mother doesn't bother to discipline her," as much as you probably want to. You can try the program thing and see if that will work. Or ask their parents to dress them extra-nice and see if the older boy will escort the younger boy down the aisle with the flower girl. They don't need pillows (kids almost never carry the real rings anyway) or the ring bearer title ... just list all three in the program as Child Attendants.

bablingbrooke

I don't think that kids are an all-or-nothing group; we invited the kids we were personally close to and not the ones we weren't. To the best of my knowledge it didn't ruffle any feathers. People who say "What? They have the FG, RB and cousins here but not my precious Jimmy??" are not people you want to be friends with anyway. Normal adults understand.

aerinpegadrak

I think if you're cutting kids, you have to do it in tiers.  Only kids present are in the WP?  Of course.  Inviting just your nieces and nephews and no other kids?  Everyone will understand.  Inviting just one second cousin if you have six?  Hellooooo, drama.I think mbcdefg's suggestion is perfect.  Have them wear nice suits and escort the flower girl, and list them all as Child Attendants.  That way the younger one isn't the center of attention, the older one doesn't feel like he has a baby job, and they're all in the wedding party and beyond the reproach of other parents who had to find a sitter for the night.

megk8oz

Wow, way after the fact, but when I said "2 cousins", I had meant 2nd cousins. Otherwise, I completely stand by my original statement.

mbcdefg

To thrown in another opinion, it also depends on how the parents will accept it. Maybe some of them would welcome the opportunity to get a sitter and have an adults' night out. You can do whatever you want, but again, the tricky part is how people are going to react to it. If you're good at standing your ground, then you can just tell them to accept it or skip your wedding. If you're the type to bend easily, maybe the token jobs for the two boys will help back you up.

ffmaid

First off you are inviting some kids so no you are not having an adults only reception . Second you do not have to make these kids do some silly job in order to invite them. Just liek adults you can do any guest list cut offs you want. Only family kids , only kids you are close to ect So for these kids invite them. For families where the kids are not invited do not invite the kids. When the paresnt srsvp with kids you say you are sorry but it is not possible to include them but you would love to see sugarbunns soon at a different event

nuremenosh

I think its totally okay to just invite kids you are close to. I invited my cousins two kids (4 and 2) cause we babysit them and my 9 year old cousin. I'm not sure their parents will bring them but I'd be happy to have them there. On the groom's side no kids were invited.

banana468

I don't think there's any all or none group - including children.We invited the children of 1st cousins only.  It was a good way for us to have a cutoff.  Could that work?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Do other cousins have kids that you aren't that close to? Because those cousins might be miffed.But seriously, invite the people you want to invite, including kids. You will have less of a leg to stand on, though, if someone asks why their kid isn't invited.

Simply Fated

I think one thing is important to remember.... most of these kids (most, not all) care so much less about this than the parents do. Sad, isn't it, that all this should we shouldn't we invite the KIDS thing is really about the parents and how they will react and how they will feel.I think if more parents would just come to terms with the fact their kids would rather stay at home with a baby-sitter watching Hannah Montana and playing X-Box, than wearing uncomfortable shoes, eating unfamiliar food and having their cheeks pinched by smelly aunts and loud obnoxious uncles while two people participate in a ceremony most kids do not even understand anyway. And some of those ceremonies last forever, yo. A lot of kids are passed out before the cake is served, anyway.Unless the wedding will keep the parents away for the whole night, then I can see no reason why any parent would even want to bring their kid with them, anyway, if there is a baby-sitter they can use.Don't get me wrong, weddings can be a great time for kids... it gives them a chance to explore new things, spend time with family, even dance like nutcases.... but the wedding isn't about them.I think I might be a little annoyed if I was told I couldnt bring my kids, then saw other kids there... but I would understand if they were in the wedding party.

dsouldiva

Simply FatedYou are right, it is completely about the parents and how they will feel.  Some will vocalise it, some may not come but some will come, be upset and not ever mention it.  I know this because friends with Kids have talked to me about weddings where their kids aren't invited and they were upset.My arguement to other pps is thisOf course you can invite who you want, you don't have to justify your decision to anyone, but you you will upset people if you start making exceptions based on who you like more (you wouldn't do this with people's partners/husbands/wives etc), IMO I think a good host makes a decision based on what if fair and what will make the most people happy, not just what makes them happy.  It just sounds a bit "it's MY day so I'll do what I want!"