Where did it go?

bablingbrooke

The bride who was upset at her FMIL for "stomping all over her plans" by having her FSILs get ready at her place? I know she was upset but I didn't see a DD coming.

Liz4444

i guess she wasn't planning on paying for the bridesmaid's hair to be done...

bablingbrooke

Oh and people called her out for that?

megk8oz

I think this one has to be some kind of a new record for this board. I responded, went on my lunch, came back a 1/2 hour later and it was gone.

bablingbrooke

Oh I've seen them go much faster. Fastest had to be when a woman who got married 5 years ago decided she wanted a "vow renewal" and had asked her MOH but was upset that the MOH wasn't too excited because she kept pointing out that the "bride" was already married, and how does she kick her out? You can guess what happened next.

megk8oz

Oh, I would have loved to have read that one. Maybe this one wasn't going to pay for the hair and there was no way she could get around defending herself without having to admit that. Because she would have totally been eaten alive if she wasn't picking up the tab.

Liz4444

i guess she wanted to honor her "best friends" by having the do what she wanted, when she wanted, how she wanted and have them pay for it... she didn't seem to like it when people said, talk to the person involved and let them know what your thinking... i guess she also wanted them to be mind readers!

bablingbrooke

What is WRONG with people?

duckie1905

I had a feeling she would DD.  She was being a tad passive aggressive about having them come over.  She was saying that it wasn't an obligation (and she didn't ask ANYTHING OF THEM, AT ALL) but that she was really hoping everyone would come over (which basically means be there or I'll be mad).  She wanted to know how to tell her FMIL how disappointed she was in the situation. Plus, more than one person pointed out that if she was requiring their presence (over going somewhere else for hair and makeup) she needed to pay for it.  She must not have liked that. I got the impression that she was mad about them wanting to be somewhere else but with her the morning of the ready.

megk8oz

Brooke, do you really even need to ask anymore? Lol.

megk8oz

Oh, that's right. I had forgotten her little speech about "I haven't asked anybody to do one single thing for me besides get the dress. Therefore, I'm super-laid back, and everybody walks all over ME, and one of my BMs made plans with another friend the night of the rehearsal dinner (Which I'm not "making" anybody go to) so when am I supposed to give people their gifts and thank them if they don't spend the entire morning before the ceremony with me?"

Peachblossom51

Ahh how I love when people DD because they don't like the advice. Or because they don't get the answer they want to hear...which I am thinking was "what awful people, stomping on YOUR plans for THEIR face and hair while THEY pay for it..."You all tried to help her keep her grace and dignity but I see diasaster in her future as she goes to "stomp" on her FIL's hair and make up plans... She should be glad they are willing to go pay to do it, it's not like people look forward to shelling out $100 dollars or more to get ready for someone else's wedding...

mbcdefg

I don't think she was being mean or jerky about it at all. I can understand that she didn't ask anything of them, and the one thing that she WAS hoping that everyone would do isn't happening anymore. Not the way she wanted, at least. It's unfair to assume that she was being controlling or passive-aggressive about it. I took it as her being disappointed that she had looked forward to something and then the plans were changed (especially less than two weeks out) right from under her nose. Come on. None of you would be bummed if that happened? Plus if her FMIL has always been manipulative then I can also understand the OP being pissed that FMIL ruined one more thing for her. But if it was just a case of a misunderstanding between OP and an otherwise kind FMIL, then all she needs to do is talk to her and see if they can work it out (and let things go if FMIL really wants to go to her own salon).

bablingbrooke

I told her that I totally didn't blame her for being upset. I totally would have wanted my BMs to get ready with me, but it just wasn't going to work out. And when they did come, they were all late, and that did upset me because, like this girl, it really was the only thing I'd asked them to do and I did have a moment of "Really, this is all I asked of you and you can't even do it?" But they did show up and were fantastic. I felt bad that I had gotten upset, and none of them even knew it. I get she's frustrated. But I also told her that, short of forbidding them to go to FMIL's, she was going to have to just get over it. It's not worth the trouble and it really is one of those things that seems like a big deal before the wedding but after the wedding it seems very minor. She can't control her FMIL, but she CAN control her response to her FMIL. And I advocate just rolling with it. Getting mad is probably what her FMIL wants anyway, if she is being manipulative as opposed to just clueless. I do think it's wrong for her to demand they be there if she isn't paying for it, which apparently came up after I left.

megk8oz

MB, normally I try to give OPs the benefit of the doubt. But she refused to answer whether or not she was paying for everybody to get their hair done (Which is she was, then yes, she's not being the bad guy. But if everybody was paying their own way anyway, then I really don't see how its fair on her part to think people owe her that), and then got upset when everybody tried to tell her that while she could be sad, she shouldn't act like it was going to ruin her entire day (Which, yeah, if something like where your BMs get their hair done *ruins* your wedding day, then you got bigger issues to deal with). A lot of people simply told her [if she was paying for the hair] to let FMIL know that she was offering this, but if everybody was footing their own bill, to let it go. I don't see what was so terrible about that. She's the one that proceeded to say we were all making her sound like a terrible person, when nobody really did that. When I see a person react like that ("You all think I'm a bridezilla!") when nobody really says that, I have a tendency to think that there's way more to the story, and the bride isn't being as "laid back" as she claims to be.

duckie1905

I admit, I was probably a tad more blunt than I needed to be.  But, as meg said, she didn't tell us who was paying (which was a big point with me).  Additionally, even if she was paying I don't think that she can demand they be with her that morning.  She just kept saying how she never asked anything of anyone and everyone just keeps walking all over her which makes me think that this is more than just FMIL and two BMs getting their hair done somewhere else.

banana468

I think she was so stressed out that the only thing that would have helped was a soak in a tub with a bottle of wine.It was really unfortunate actually.  I think she may have been at the level of stress that didn't respond to reason.   Hopefully

banana468

Ugh - Hopefully she calms down a bit to see that this was not a malicious thing - and the women in her FI's family want to see HIM probably more.

blackfire5th

I'm sure they would rather spend time with their bro. One of DH sister's was a bm and she came down to hang out with the rest of the girls. She seemed fine, but just a little off, so I told her she could go hang out with her brother and the rest of her family and she jumped up and was out of there in a second. Being with your sibling on their wedding day can be a really big deal.