Flower Girl question

hklinger

When I was shopping for my dress, I came across the most perfect flower girl dress. I then emailed a picture of it to my aunt ( her grandmother). My aunt thought it was very nice and then forwarded to the flower girl's mother (my cousin). My aunt emailed me back after she sent it to my cousin and told me that my cousin "would consider the dress" when she buys her daughter a flower girl dress. Now in my mind, I feel that the FG dress should somehow match my dress and/or my BMs dresses and this is the dress that I would want her to wear. I feel since I picked out my BMs dresses it is perfectly acceptable for me to pick the FG dress. Am I wrong?

mbcdefg

Well, yes and no. Yes, it's your wedding and you should get final say over the attire. But a child's mother should also approve the outfit, especially if she's the one paying for it. So you need to compromise. Plus, you're getting the information secondhand. So instead of relying on your aunt telling you what your cousin said, you should contact the cousin directly and ask for her thoughts on the dress. There also appears to be some miscommunication as to who exactly is picking out the dress. Did you also discuss with your cousin who will be paying for the dress? If you've both agreed that the cousin will pay, did you ask her for her budget BEFORE you picked out this dress? In some circles, the bride pays for the dress. In some circles, the flower girl's mother picks out the dress. And vice versa. I would contact the cousin and go over a few points: if she's willing to buy the dress or if she expects you to buy it; if she will buy it, how much will she spend (and if you want something more expensive then you should pay the difference]; and how you'll go about choosing it. Again, miscommunication seems to be the problem here, so call her and rectify that.

blackfire5th

I've always thought that the bride picks the dress (within budget) and the parents pay for it. However, once I actually got closer to the wedding, I realized that it is silly to pick out the flower girl dress and all I really cared about was a white dress with a red sash. Like pp, I'd call your cousin yourself and discuss this. She may be planning on using the dress to second as something else in the girls life (my Aunt was using the flower girl dress for her first communion dress as well) and would like the dress to be appropriate for both activities. I'd just let her pick the dress, but ask that she have certain elements (aka color). Also note that a white flower girl dress are fine with an ivory wedding dress and vice versa.

megk8oz

Ditto PPs, this is an "A/B" conversation, and your Aunt needs to "C" her way out. You and your cousin need to decide who's paying for the dress before you figure out anything else. If you're supposed to be paying for it, then I'm thinking you kind of get the final say on that one. If she's paying, you might need to have a compromise. Also, there are people who use FG dresses more than once (When I was in my god-father's wedding, I wound up wearing the same dress for my own communion 2 months later), so that might have something to do with any concerns she has about the style (Not many little girls will wear a meregue style dress other than in a wedding, as they look pretty out of place anywhere else).

mm45737

like everyone said, talk to your cousin directly and compromise with her. I persoannly picked out my fg dresses, but they were super expensive, so I told their moms to let me know what they could afford, and I paid for the rest.

bablingbrooke

FGs wont' be standing by you all night. I think this is something to let go. FWIW my FGs picked their own dresses w/ their mom (they were a bit older--9) and sent it to me for approval. Which I totally would have given for any dress they picked out since it's the mom's decision what her kids wear. Would that work?

duckie1905

this is an "A/B" conversation, and your Aunt needs to "C" her way out.Seriously awesome.

blackfire5th

this is an "A/B" conversation, and your Aunt needs to "C" her way out. Seriously awesome. I too love this

banana468

Love it!It's definitely best to go right to the source.  Ideally the dress is one that all of you love.  If the mom is buying it,  she does get veto power just as the BMs do get veto power when they're buying the dress. 

megk8oz

~takes bow~ Occasionally, I can crack out a gem, lol.