I've started to judge people

blackfire5th

I feel bad because I have started to judge people if they have even wedding parties. Many of my friends are in weddings and the photos get posted all over facebook and I always wonder if those are the people that the bride and groom are close to or if someone was there for numbers. I have to keep telling myself to not judge people I don't know over some stupid wedding photo. Anyone else started feeling judgemental about something random after being on the knot for a while?

Simply Fated

Being on the knot has definitely opened my eyes to some things.I am not a judgmental person, not really. I mean, if you are wearing a KKK costume, I'm going to assume you're racist. Sorry, don't mean to be judgmental, but it is what it is.But I try not to judge wedding pictures and stuff. When my friend got married and told me about how my bf couldnt' sit with me... her mom got on the phone with me and started telling me about traditions and all that nonsense. So I know it's not really my friend's fault her mom was brainwashing her. I mean, sure, maybe she is weak minded, but I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't admit how mom's have ways of persuading us, lol. I try to first assume there is a reason for things... like with symmetrical wedding parties... things really could have been coincidentally even. Not likely, but still possible.Even my bf, who decided not to go to my friends wedding because of a bridal party table that did not include SO's will occasionally mention traditional things that make me cringe. Like with the bride and groom/bridal party entrance... we're both so shy, I would think he wouldn't want to do that. But he went on about how it's tradition and people will think it's weird if we dont' do that. *facepalm*Whoa.... I think i went a bit off topic *blames the candy hang-over* but, anyway, ever since I joined the knot and started reading posts, I've learned a lot about certain things... some of it which has blown my mind, lol. SO I try to not assume that these people with perfect symmatry are bad or evil or bridezillaish... but try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they, too, have been brainwashed into thinking certain things are the way they have to be.

alison1209

I've started doing the same thing only not with pictures... FI's cousin is getting married next month and I feel like I've been overly critical of her decisions - I don't even know the girl other than the fact that she's WAY different from me in her opinions and ideas.  I was most judgmental of her registry if you can imagine!On a separate note, we have an even number in our WP but we only have three each:  he has a best man (his dad), my brother and his best friend and I have my matron of honor (my sister), his sister and my best friend.  We wanted our siblings up there with us and both had just one friend we felt very strongly about having as well.  I am aware some people probably do it for the numbers but I think sometimes it just works out!

mbcdefg

I oftentimes look at wedding party photos and think, "Really? You 'just so happen' to have the exact same number of close friends?" But then when FI and I chose our own wedding party we only picked two people each, so I guess it really DOES work out that way sometimes. When I see photos where the BMs are all wearing the exact same shoes, I find myself wondering if they were really into that option (I know some brides have said that the BMs requested to wear matching shoes), or if it was a bridezilla moment of "OMGEVERYTHINGHASTOMATCH!!!!!"

tidetravel

I judge myself for having an even wedding party.  I was not enlightened by the wisdom of the national boards prior to my wedding - and, you know, local boards suck for honest advice.  Overall, it wasn't so bad - It pretty much worked out evenly anyway.  DH had a couple other friends he would have liked as GM, but they were ushers instead, and seemed happy with that role.  Oh well, over and done with now  

lyndausvi

I will judge a couple if they do not ask someone because they want an even wedding party.  But I do not automatically assume they added or did not add someone because they needed an equal amount on each side.I do judge cash bars.  They are just so rude to me.  But that has more to do with my up bringing. Offering someone something to drink is the norm for my circle.  It does not matter what the occasion.  You ALWAYS offer a drink.  So yeah I do judge someone (in my circle) who chooses a venue over being a good host. 

tidetravel

When it's one or two "common" things that are against knottie thinking, I try to remember that many people think that's the way it's "supposed" to be done, so I try not to judge those aspects too much. Now, what will be the tacktastic wedding of my friend's sister is an entirely different story.  I've been judging since day one. 

lyndausvi

oh I do admit that while I find cash bars offensive in my circle.  If I go to a wedding of someone outside of my circle (co-worker for example) I tend to be less judgmental.  As they could have a different traditions that I do

mbcdefg

I also cringe when I see weddings that are overly girly ... pink/purple everywhere, Disney or fairy-tale themes, decor that looks like a teenager's room ... I can't imagine that the guy would willingly agree to any of this. This stuff isn't my taste anyway, but I can't believe that my FI would be happy with this. I was talking to him about this and he graciously said, "If you had REALLY wanted a Cinderella theme I wouldn't have said no to you," but this was after he agreed with me to use green and black as colors, and to keep things simple and low-key. So who knows if he would've tried to talk me out of it.

megk8oz

This may sound weird, but I only judge the "even" BPs AFTER a certain number. Like 4 on each side still seems "believable" to me. I honestly can see how up to that number it can just work out. But when I see like 7 people on each side, I feel like I just KNOW that a few people were asked to be "spot fillers". FYI: FI and I do have 3 on each side (Maybe that's why I conveniently believe up to 4 each is "believable", lol), and it really did just "work out that way". I'm only having my sisters and his sister, he's only having his 2 best friends from like, forever ago, and my brother.

megk8oz

And I judge cash bar like there's no tomorrow ... I used to before the Knot (In NJ, cash bar= HUGE no-no. It was never explained to me WHY, it just WAS taboo), but once I found out just exactly how rude it was (Like, you shouldn't charge people money at your wedding), I started REALLY hating on cash bars. I guess this is weird because the Dollar Dances never bothered me one way or another before (Which essentially, you're still pandering for money from guests) ... now I started "forming opinions" when I find out people are doing them. Same w/BP dances. I never really thought about them before ... I just assumed if a BP did them, it was a really "fun" group of people ... now I'm wondering "How many of those people did the bride threaten to "kick out" if they didn't do this?" whenever I see it.

LarissaAnn

Even numbers can just work out that way - H & I each asked 5 people, and we really wanted them and only them. When I had one potential BM say no, we were at 4 & 5, and it was because of the knot wisdom that I didn't feel compelled to ask another (and was able to tell my mother "no" when she asked who I was going to fill in with). Then one of H's GM's dropped out, so we figured, "OK, we're even again. That's fine." Then one of my BMs had to drop out, so we were back at 3 & 4, and that's how we got married. So I don't judge even wedding parties, because I know it would've been possible for us. I still judge mostly the same things about weddings that I always have: bad food, bad decor, bad music or annoying DJs... the stuff that makes it a bad party.

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside

I too don't judge even wedding parties up to a certain size.  FI and I each asked 4 people, but had one of us had another sibling they wouldn't have been even.  It just worked out that way for us.  But I do judge huge wedding parties....I know both my brother's wedding and his brother's wedding had people asked to make the sides even.  I judge people who put their registry info on their website and if their registry is insanely geared to a certain price range.  And ugly bridesmaid dresses/dresses that are very clearly bridesmaid dresses.  I judge because I highly doubt the bridesmaids have anything to do with picking it and also because it looks like a huge waste of money.  And I judge if transportation between ceremony and reception is not provided for the wedding party.  That may seem weird, but I do.  I feel like with all the money the bridal party is spending they should not also have to transport themselves around between those wedding events.

megk8oz

I was actually very amused by this, but I was listening to Howard Stern this morning, and HE took a stand against cash bars, and went off for a good 5 minutes on the subject. This was about some Halloween party he had attended a few years ago where there had been a cash bar. He pretty much said "I don't think they're acceptable at weddings, WHY would I find them acceptable at any other party? I shouldn't have to PAY to be your guest ANYWHERE!"

banana468

I think I had a lot of wedding opinions formed pre-Knot however today I cringed a bit when a coworker said that he's getting married in two weeks but the 'wedding' won't be for a year.I understand the reasoning behind it but I just have this feeling that things are going to go SO badly as a result.

Leah&Christian09

Cash bars and gaps drive me batty. Gaps, especially, probably because I'm Catholic and I know how that works. I've never actually seen a WP dance and only one dollar dance, IRL.

megk8oz

Banana, Over the summer I was at an engagement party for a friend, (Actually, the friend from my last thread, that's going to "hate" the Knotties for being "mean"). A mutual friend of ours that JOP'd it LAST year due to a pregnancy was talking about her plans for her "real" wedding that they're planning on having in a few years. I looked at her and said "You mean your 'vow renewal', right?". And she looked at me like I had 3 heads and said "No, I mean the REAL wedding". I had to walk away after that, because I knew it wouldn't have ended well if I stuck around for a debate on the matter. To me, if you legally need to get divorced to "break up", then you already HAD your real wedding.

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside

And I judge if transportation between ceremony and reception is not provided for the wedding party. That may seem weird, but I do. I feel like with all the money the bridal party is spending they should not also have to transport themselves around between those wedding events.I assume that is only if you know for a fact that the BP spent a lot of money? Because ours didn't spend a dime, outside of my MOH doing the shower and bach party.Well this opinion started when I was a bridesmaid in an OOT wedding and had to spend a ridiculous amount of money on an ugly dress, matching shoes and an updo, along with the hotel room, wedding gift and shower gift.  And was then expected to transport myself around a strange town on the day of the wedding.So yeah, just if I knew the bridal party had spent a lot of money to be in the wedding.  But our bridal party is actually not spending much money either and I'd still feel tacky not providing their transportation.

Leah&Christian09

I see what you're saying. I would have felt bad to put my WP in a position where they had to rent a car. Driving their own, whatever. We organized carpools for those few that flew in instead of driving so they wouldn't have to rent a car.

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside

I actually didn't have to rent a car- it was cheaper for me and FI to drive to the wedding than to fly and then rent a car.  But I (like all 11 other members of the bridal party) was in a strange town, driving 40 minutes between locations, and I'm terrible with directions (and didn't yet own my beloved Garmin).  The bride also dictated that SO's of the bridal party had to ride separately so they wouldn't be present for the picture taking.  The whole thing just left a bad taste in my mouth regarding bridal party providing their own transportation.

Liz4444

i have always judged cash bars.  if you are hosting a party then host the party.  serve what you can afford, period.  i am spending time and money coming to your affair and bringing a present... think about your guest!i don't have BP judgement, i made my fiance stop at 6 because that's how many i was having and he's been in 15 weddings... i did not want a 21 person wedding party, that's even worse!i have registry judgement, but it seems to go in the other direction from everyone else.  it's something my mother always said to me... if you are going to spend $100,000 + on a wedding, don't register for pot holders or anything else under $30, it's ridiculous... buy them yourself!and i judge really ugly bridesmaid's dresses... you know the bride just didn't want her friends looking better than her so she put them in something hideous.  also making everyone have matching hair-dos.  why?

Liz4444

and i am completely judgemental of anyone on the show Bridezilla's!and those people that use the words fairytale, princess and bling in regards to their wedding.

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside

That would be putting it mildly Stage!  The one good thing that came out of it though is that it really taught me how NOT to treat a bridal party.  My one bridesmaid keeps telling me how much fun it is to be part of our wedding because I'm "laid back".  AKA not obsessing over everything matching and not insisting that my wedding be the most important thing in their lives/should affect how they live day to day the way her other brides have.

blackfire5th

Wow, there are a lot of responses!  I agree, that sometimes even parties just work out.  I don't mean to judge, it was just something I realized that I was doing while I was browsing through photos.I agree that not everyone is going to be perfect.  After all I included registry info (honestly it really bugs me when someone doesn't include the info, but hey, that's just me) and all my bm were in the same dress (I gave in to my Mom and sister). It does bug me that a lot of younger brides (the ones my age) are still following the traditional things like WP dances simply because they don't know any better.It also gets under my skin when brides come on here and say "well we just want our sides to be even"

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside

The only time I don't judge redos is in the case of my coworker: everything was all planned for day X when she would have a church mass and the reception.  Less than a month out something came up with his visa (he was moving from another country to be with her) and they ended up having to JOP it within 20minutes of his arrival to the US.  They had their already planned and paid for church ceremony and reception like a week later and she was upfront about the whole thing.  They didn't plan to do it, but in this case the "second wedding" was okay.

melbee

I think cash bars are better than NO bar- I want liquor as an option one way or the other.  If my friend gets knocked up I don't think that should take away from her being able to have a dream wedding a year or two down the road. Maybe she already got the piece of paper, but everyone deserves to have their day. I must choose other areas to be judgmental, the hot topics like WP # on this post don't seem so bad to me.