Non-BM friends who want to be a part of the WP

anitascrewdriver

So I have 1 best friend and about 10 girls who i'm kinda close to. I decided to just have my best friend and another girl as bridesmaid since she is out of state and is missing alot of it because she's so far away. I honestly thought this was my very diplomatic decision that wouldn't upset anyone and everyone would understand. But I was way off. One girl in particular is VERY hurt. and I can think of about 3 others who are probably a little bummed. My fiance doesn't even want a bridal party or a traditional ceremony. But we agreed to two each and now I need ideas for what other odd ball jobs I can give these girls so they feel a part of the wedding party without actually being a bridesmaid. And please dont say "being in charge of the guestbook" the girl who was especially upset specifically said it'd be a slap in the face. Its a small wedding (120 guest) and its  kinda casual...AHH...IDEAS?!?

steffenfam

Odd ball jobs are a slap in the face.  They're just going to have to get over not being a bridesmaid and just be a guest.

aerinpegadrak

Tell them exactly what you told us.  "I have just so many friends that I couldn't choose between you.  It will mean just as much to me if you attend as guests."  You can maybe get them each a nice corsage and be sure to take pictures with them at the wedding.As far as pre-parties, there's nothing preventing them from attending as a guest or even helping to host, wedding party or not.  So if they really just want to throw you a shower or a bachelorette party, they're still free to do so.

anitascrewdriver

I should have specified the girl who's upset works for a cupcake place is paying for all the custom cupcakes..its not as simple as she's just being a brat....

hildeedee

i had a similar situation. i have about eight close girlfriends, but due to finances and having a small wedding i decided to just ask my sister, FSIL and my closest friend (my wedding ended up getting pushed back about 8 months, which is why they have already been asked). i had one friend who was extremely upset with me for not asking her and a few others that were understanding, but still want to be a part of everything. i am inviting all of my girlfriends to come get ready with us wherever we get ready and have food and champagne and just do girl time before (if they want). in all the weddings i have been to, the getting ready part with the bride has always been so much fun! then they will be guests at the wedding and hopefully have a blast!

anitascrewdriver

But thanks guys ..you're right i just need to talk to her.

aerinpegadrak

Perhaps you can indicate this particular friend in the program as the baker, or something like that, since she's providing the cupcakes?  You might also just have a "special thanks" section of your program, where you list all these friends along with anyone else you wish to recognize.

gottahavashorti

Just let it slide for now.  They probably won't be bummed for too long.  If they offer to help out with something in particular, let them do so.  If they ask why they're not in the wedding party, explain that you were trying to be as fair as possible because you didn't want to choose amongst your close friends or have 11 bridesmaids.

Manda724

I would do what everyone else is saying. Just don't make it seem that the only reason you asked the second girl is bc she is far away. That can hurt her feelings too. especially if someone slips up and says something to that effect. You never know how someone is going to act when they are upset. Misery loves company. I am sure you will know the right words to say. You don't want what happened on Bridezilla. Although that Bride was so wrong, but still someone said something to the other girl.

bablingbrooke

I wouldn't have the "here's why you weren't in the WP" talk unless they straight up ask you. And then say that it's a small WP and you didn't want to choose between friends, you can't wait to see them there, etc.

Leah&Christian09

She's right, guest book attendant is a slap in the face.  Some jobs are an honor though: reader, ceremony singer or instrument player, and symbolic rolls in a religious ceremony.  You could ask these girls do participate in that way.  You could also get them bouts and be sure to get some pictures with them on the day of.Of course invite them to get ready with you the morning of the wedding, and be sure they are all on the guestlist for any shower or b-party.

trix1223

I simply don't understand the mentality of people who get p!ssy because they're not asked to be in a WP.  For heaven's sake, are these women 12 year old 7th graders?  Because that's what they're behaving like.I don't think anyone has a claim on being a BM in anyone's wedding.  I don't think the OP "owes" these girls either an explanation nor a lame "pity" job to make them feel included.If they ask why they're not in it, (a huge faux pas) explain that you wanted a small wedding party.I DON'T think you need to think up jobs.  I DON'T think you need to purchase flowers or corsages for them.  I DON'T think you need to put a special section in your program.As for cupcake girl, tell her you'll be more comfortable paying for your cupcakes.  If she says no, then say "I insist then, that you count this as our gift and please don't feel obligated to get us anything else.  This is so generous of you."  And then treat it as a gift.  You don't post the names of anyone else who gives you a gift, so you wouldn't post this.This mindset that a couple has to "include" everyone in their wedding creates situations like this one.  Seriously, tell these girls to grow the heck up.  They'll be guests.  As will all the other people you're close to.  Sheesh

bulldog_mama

I've asked two of my close friends that I didn't include as BM do a reading during the ceremony. I've also asked my two brothers to be ushers as I did want them to be included in some way.

anitascrewdriver

Thanks for all the advice everyone. Yeah i just think its so odd that asking them for FAVORS in someway makes them feel better. But i know it oddly enough works that way. "cupcake girl" would probably love it if we put her in charge of a joint bachlor/bachlorette party and had a special thanks part of the program. Its just so weird how stuff like this is such a big deal to people. I've never been a bridesmaid and I consider that a blessing. Thanks again!

megk8oz

Ditto Trix's entire speech. Like, I think unless one of my friends sat down and gave me a complete BS speech on "Why I Didn't Ask You" speech (That included things like "You aren't the right body type for the dress I picked", "I'm only asking brunettes, and asking you to dye your hair seemed rude", or "I just don't see you being able to plan my shower and have time to make favors for the wedding"), I really don't even think I'd MENTALLY question why I didn't get asked. I understand being a BM is supposed to be an honor, but I'm more than aware that if somebody doesn't ask me, its not the end of the world (or friendship) by any means. I decided against having friends as BMs because I knew that the friends I had no intention of picking would be upset that I picked other friend "over" them. With the exception of one girl (Who I never in a million years would have asked) everybody seemed genuinely OK that I didn't ask them. Nobody gave me crap about it or asked me why, or tried to guilt me into giving them a special job or something for that day. Due to budget constraints FI and I couldn't even ask most of our friends to attend AS guests, so really the 3 or 4 people a piece we WERE able to squeeze on to the guest list more than understand our plight. We're paying for everything ourselves, we had enough for roughly 100 guests, and we both have big families so just inviting out to our first cousins put us at 87 guests. And the one friend (Who I was a BM for 2 summers ago) didn't take it so well, to the point where she was just acting outright BSC (Like after I told her I ordered the BM dresses, in hopes that she would realize that I WASN'T changing my mind about asking her, she went and booked an appointment at DB so she could "try things on" for me to "give me ideas"). I received some suggestions here on including her somehow, and I gave it a good amount of thought, and finally, I decided I really LIKED the way I was doing things, and I really never wanted her in my BP in the first place, so I decided to just deal with her insanity (Gotta love Bean Dip!), and not back down. She is attending my wedding as a guest and if that's not good enough, then clearly I don't need to be her friend anymore. Hopefully, if you just let this go for a little while, everybody that's giving you a hard time will just back off.