groomsmen

brickmama21

What do you do if you don't want someone to be in the wedding anymore? Neither me or my fiancee want one of his groomsmen in the wedding. He is dating his sister, and used to be up until about a month ago his best friend of 12 years. How do we approach this?

Leah&Christian09

Once you ask, you can't unask without major drama.  Kicking someone out of your WP is a friendship ending move, but also leaves an impression on the remaining members of the party and anyone that knows you both.  Most will tell you that the only acceptable reasons to kick someone out of your wedding involve phyiscal violence or trying to sleep with your FI.  What exactly has this guy done to warrant getting booted?Since he is dating your FSIL, you're probably just going to have to grin and bear it.  Kicking him out would likely cause huge drama between your FI and his sister, and thus the rest of his family.  You don't want that drama surrounding your wedding.

bablingbrooke

This is your FI's problem, not yours. If he wants to kick him out and end the friendship, that's his business. Not for you to get involved in at all.

duckie1905

ditto babling; his friend, his GM, his relationship, his decision.

banana468

Well, your FI would need to handle this.However to understand correctly, is this groom dating your FSIL?  If that's the case, the situation is far more complicated.  He'd most likely still be there as the sister's date to your wedding unless you're looking to create a rift with FSIL as well.Right now, stay neutral but know that if your FI decides to do this, he's opening up a can of worms that will be spread all over that friendship and into the family dynamic.  Is it really worth it?

megk8oz

Booting somebody is something you only do if you are totally fine with possibly never speaking to them again.If you and your FI are at peace w/this, then boot away.

stina93446

Is your FI and yourself ready to lose this gm as a friend? It sounds pretty complicated because he is dating your FSIL (right?). It could get very messy. If you kick someone out or un-ask them you will end the friendship/ It's a huge blow. If your FSIL is invited to the wedding, (which I hope she is) it will be very awkward when she still brings him as a date, assuming that he or she want anything to do with the two of you after you do this. I would rethink it and really ponder if you want to end this friendship.

lyndausvi

wow, this is tough.  On one hand up until a month ago he was your FI's best friend.  Something big must of happend for him to lose the title.  If that is the case losing the friendship is not a concern, because the friendship might be gone anyway.But on the other hand, he is dating your FSIL.  Removing him could cause more drama than necessary.Personally, I would just sit on this for a few more months.  Maybe the friendship will be back on good terms.  Maybe FSIL will not be dating him, so removing him will not cause more drama.

tidetravel

Guys are so funny.  Personally, I would be happy if my best friend was dating my sister.If you kick someone out of the wedding, it will end the friendship - FI needs to consider that before he makes his decision.Also, he needs to consider how his relationship with his sister will be affected if he goes through with this.  At the very least, she will be offended, at the worst, it could permanently damage her relationship with her brother (she would feel like she was put in the position of choosing her BF or her brother.  My experience is that people always choose their SO over their family if put in that situation)

aerinpegadrak

You really don't want to be hasty about something like this, trust me.  About a week ago, my brother and FI had kind of a falling out.  I was PISSED at my brother, to the point where I didn't want him at the wedding.  Finally, we had it out via Facebook message today, and at one point I offered him an out from the WP (basically saying that if he didn't support my marriage, I'd understand if he didn't want to be in the wedding).  The initial "I'm mad at you" "No I'm mad at YOU" messages had much more rational follow-ups, and everyone's cool now.  But that wouldn't have been possible if I'd gone with the gut reaction of telling him I didn't want him there.  It would have opened the door for YEARS of heartache and drama, over something that blew over in the course of about five emails.Don't cut off the chance of reconciliation without giving it some serious consideration, especially with family involved.  It might just be a misunderstanding, and both your FI and his friend will regret the time they lost together if they end the friendship over something that turned out to be not that big a deal.

brickmama21

Thanks everyone, this is just so hard. becuase there is more to it than i posted... but thanks so much again!