Preggo MOH... HELP!

kpashinski

Okay. So here is my situation & I am in dire need of advice! My best friend of 20 years is my maid-of-honor in my wedding (which is June 26th). She has just recently told me she is pregnant - and is due June 22nd. She says she still wants to be in the wedding, but I'm afraid. What if she goes thru with it and ends up in labor the day of my wedding? ...or is still in the hospital? What do I do? I could be out a MOH and a best friend at my wedding!

kpashinski

P.S. - I'm an only child. No sisters. Fiance only has a brother. All of my cousins are either 15 years older or 15 years younger than me! It's a mess....I just don't have someone to "replace" her!

stina93446

If that happens, it happens. The day will still go on and you'll be thinking about her and her wonderful new baby. I don't see what the problem.

emilykathleen511

Just go with the flow. There is no need to replace her. Just be happy for her and her new baby. If she is there, great. If not, then the day will go on, and it will be perfect because you are marrying your wonderful fiance. Just take a deep breath and be happy for her. Everything will be okay!

kpashinski

Everyone keeps telling me to "kick her out"... I just needed some other advice! Ugh.

stina93446

Don't kick her out. She didn't do anything wrong. And kicking out is very hurtful and leads to many ended friendships. Don;t listen to those people. Keep her. You don't NEED a MOH to get married. Sure, you'll miss her, but the day will go on.

tidetravel

If you kick her out because of this you will be out a best friend for life.Leave it up to her to decide what she is capable of.  The baby could come early or late - rarely are they on time.  Allow her to be MOH at the wedding if she wants to - perhaps have a chair at the front for her to sit in if your ceremony is particularly long. 

isufans4ever

What if she goes full term? If she doesn't have any complications she has the baby on the 22nd is in the hospital for 2 days and she is out of the hospital on the 24th.  If she feels up to it she is in your wedding on the 26th...if not she is a guest at your wedding on the 26th.  either way your friend will be there.  I don't think that kicking her out does any good and I especially don't think you should replace her.

tidetravel

Everyone keeps telling me to "kick her out"... I just needed some other advice! Ugh. Yes.  Yes you do need other advice.You don't need a MOH or any attendants, technically.  Even if she decides closer to the wedding that it's too much of a responsibility, DON'T replace her.  It's a slight to her and to anyone that you ask to "fill in."  You wouldn't replace her as your best friend - there's no reason to replace her in the bridal party.And as far as "typical MOH duties," there are none.  She may not be up for planning a shower or B-party at that stage in her pregnancy.  Anyone can host these for you - do not put all of the expectations on her.

Leah&Christian09

Whoever told you to kick her out or replace her must live on a different planet!  That would be so hurtful.  Don't do that.She is your MOH, and she will be your MOH, even if she's your MOH from a hospital room.  For her dress, give her a swatch of the material that the other BMs are wearing, and tell her to get something similar.  She'll be able to find something at a department store closer to the date that fits.  If she's your only attendant, even better.  Just tell her a color.Other than that, don't stress.  I'm sure she'll do everything in her power to be there.  Make sure she has a chair for the ceremony and that you do anything else to make her comfortable.  If it comes down to it that she can't make it, it will suck, but it won't be the end of the world.

LarissaAnn

Absolutely do NOT kick her out. Sail along as planned, and hopefully she can still make the wedding. If not, she's got a really good reason and you can celebrate each other's life-changing events together afterwards!

stina93446

I want to know who told you that you should kick her out....please share. Is this someone who's been married before or just someone who is guessing what you should do in this situation?

kpashinski

Married people... not married people... There have been a few. All I had asked for was advice - and that's what they gave me.

LarissaAnn

They're the type that think you MUST have attendants present and MUST have even sides, aren't they? Sigh. List your MOH in the program as MOH, and if she doesn't show, everyone will know why. Hopefully she can be there for you.

stina93446

I think it's good that you came here to ask. We get tons of girls on here who think they can kick a bm out for not "caring enough" about their wedding....don't get any ideas now!

lyndausvi

My BFF was 8 months pregnant (high risk) for my  OOT wedding.I just went with the flow.  I told her to make it a game decision and buy a brown dress (to match the other girls, but I did not say it had to be from the designer).  She could come and sit with my parents in the front row.She could come and walk with usShe could not show up at all.I did not care, I just wanted her to do what she wants on the day of the wedding.  Because let's face it she will can't plan how she is going to feel that far out.If she did not make it I would have just sent her flowers to the hospital or the home. I still would give her the gift regardless and she would be in the program.In the end she was there in a brown dress that I saw for the first time that morning.  If she is really your BFF, then you need to be a good BFF by just going with the flow and not worrying abou it.  Worse case she is not there.  Big deal.

mbcdefg

You got some bad advice from your real-life friends. You got some good advice from the girls here. Just go on as planned, and see what happens. You can't control all aspects of life, and a baby is a joyful thing, not something to be upset over. I agree, it would stink if she couldn't be there to share the day with you, but the silver lining is that you will have a new baby to spoil and love. There's nothing you can do to control when the baby comes, so just go with the flow and play it by ear.

kpashinski

Alright... Thanks ladies! I was just going with the flow...but then had people going "Well... she can't possibly be in your wedding anymore!" or "I wouldn't have her in the wedding if I were you..." So... I appreciate your advice... all of you!

trix1223

What will be the worst possible thing that could happen?  Your bff will have a beautiful baby before your wedding?  That's an incredibly wonderful thing!  Hmmm-not the worst then.Your bff will not have the baby before the wedding and will be standing next to you on your wedding day?  That's an incredibly wonderful thing!   Hmmmmm-not the worst then.Your bff will go into labor on the day of your wedding?  You'll have a joyous double celebration for years to come:  your wedding and the baby's birthday.  That's an incredibly wonderful thing?   Hmmmm-not the worst then.Your MOH can't make your wedding?  Someone else stands next to you and holds your bouquet for you.  Okay then, if that's the worst thing, I'd say that's pretty mild.  Especially because no matter what, you'll still be married to the love of your life at the end of your wedding day.Doesn't sound like any problem at all, is there?

aerinpegadrak

If she's still in the hospital, send her her bouquet... or even yours, if you have no other plans for it.  I'm sure she'd appreciate it.I went out to dinner with my MOH the day after she gave birth, she was totally fine.  (She was overdue though, as was my sister.  First babies often are.)  As long as there are no birth complications, it shouldn't be too bad.  Just be flexible with dress requirements, let her choose a maternity dress in a coordinating color that she can buy off the rack when the wedding gets closer

kebmtm071605

Ditto the others. I was suppoosed to be a BM in one of my best friends' weddings this past May.  The wedding was OOT (a plane ride away). My daughter was not even 5 months old at the time, and she was coming with me  b/c she was exclusively breastfed and did not take bottles (friend was very happy to have my daughter attend...so please don't start the debate). Anyway, the morning of the day we were supposed to fly out, my daughter came down with a 104 degree temp.  I wasn't able to go to the wedding. It was sad to miss my friend's wedding, but she's still married, and she still had a wonderful day.

ffmaid

First off congrats on being an honorary aunt to be!! Be happy for her. Yes there is a decent chance she will not be there particularly if not in the same town as you can not fly at 9 month pregnant. However you are gaining a little one to spoil. Think excuse to play legos. Assume she is not going to be there physically andbe happy for her. Do not replace her that woudl be a huge insult to a woman you love and teh replacement. Instead plan on sending her flowers wherever she is in your wedding colors in lieu of a moh bouquet . It will be wonderful and you will be happy she needs your support on a physically tramatic event more then you need her support of a wonderful happy party occassion of your wedding.

caymans_christy

I am going throught the exact same situation with on of my best friends who is a BM.  I only have three girls standing up with me - sister (MOH), and two best friends.  I just found out two days ago that my one best friends is pregnant and is due 5 days before my wedding.  She lives 3,000 miles away from me (and even further from the DW!!) - obviously she will not be able to attend my wedding.  I understand that you are disappointed, I am too.  But, I wouldn't dream of replacing her - she is irreplaceable (sp??).  She will still be listed in my program and I plan on buying her something fun from the destination to let her know that I was thinking about her.  It sounds like your BFF wants to be there for you... let her be an adult and make the decision herself.  I am sure that she is disappointed about the possibility of not being there with you.  If this is the first baby, she is also probably overwhelmed.  Be her best friend... Tell anyone that is giving the advice to drop her that you don't do that to your friends - you don't have 20 year long friendships if you treat people like that!  It's not like she is choosing to go to the spa that day...  She's giving birth!  And for now, put together a mommy-to-be care package and start pampering your friend...  Regardless of whether she can make it to your wedding, she will still be there after June 26th...

bablingbrooke

I'm glad you came here and that you're going to go with the flow Going with the flow on just about everything wedding-related will give you a stress-free and enjoyable day. Life's too short, you know? You won't regret your MOH possibly not being at the wedding because she's in labor, but you WILL regret that you kicked her out for being pregnant, as if it was some sort of crime. If it doesn't feel like the right thing to do, it probably isn't, even if it is for a wedding.

notaprincessbride

Why not ask her?  Tell her you'd still love to have her stand up for you, but make sure she still feels up to it.  She may decide that she'd be too worried, too tired, too broke, or she may be ecstatic that you didn't listen to the morons.  Just make sure to phrase things carefully so it doesn't seem like you're asking her to step down.  Stress how happy you are for her and how happy you would be with any level of involvement (whether being your MOH or a phone call from the hospital).

Pink7781

I'm in the same situation except there are a few more days betwen when my MOH is due and my wedding. Absolutely do not kick her out, just see how she feels. Even if she's not able to be there the day of, she'll still be there the whole planning process and you still get to go through everything with her. I could understand being dissapointed at the possibility of her being unable to attend your wedding, but it really will be okay.