Bridemaids Husband/Boyfriends??

Alley2b

Ok so my MOH is married and one of my Bridesmaids is living with her boyfriend. Both are invited to the wedding, but are not part of the wedding party. My MOH asked me if she would be able to sit with her Hubby during the reception, but I wanted her to sit up at the head table with me. How should I address this problem? I really don't want the husband up at the head table, but I really want to keep my MOH's feelings in mind also. Dana

Licia&Wayne

Well you could: 1) Have a table with everyone's significant other for the head table 2) Have a sweetheart table and seat your wedding party at tables with their significant others 3) Pick the rude route and have a head table without significant others.

Licia&Wayne

Oh and there are bunches of other options to have your WP sit with their significant others (like you could all sit at normal tables all together, etc.). But if you're stuck on a head table without significant others, it doesn't seem like any of those various scenarios will work for you.

megk8oz

Well, I honestly think there are 2 really good solutions: 1) Include dates at the head table. As it's really kinda rude to separate the WP from their dates (You wouldn't dream of doing this to your other guests, so why would it be fair to do it to your "extra special" guests?) 2) Do a sweetheart table for you and your FI. Then have the WP sit with their dates at nearby tables.

aerinpegadrak

Pity that the head table posts we had previously disappeared.  They're not terribly well liked around these parts.If someone's expressed a problem with the head table setup, it's pretty rude to go ahead and do it anyway.  You won't really get a chance to talk with her at the head table, because you probably won't be sitting down for more than 20 minutes or so.  Your MOH will have been with you all day while her husband has been elsewhere, give her a chance to have a few moments with him.  (The best thing to do is to extend this courtesy to your entire WP, and ditch the head table.  I guess they're still alive and well in some place, but mostly they're pretty dated.)

Alley2b

So what is a sweethearts table?

megk8oz

It's basically like a HT, only it's a small table for just the bride and groom. They're starting to become more common nowadays. It's a nice way to get 10-15 of peace to enjoy eating with just your groom ... then you must return to mingling and dancing.

Licia&Wayne

I definitely agree with the positive view of sweetheart tables. It lets everyone regroup with s/o or friends and gear up for a party without being watched while they eat.

Alley2b

I've never heard of a sweethearts table. I think it definitely sounds like a good option for the type of reception we are having! Then I don't have to worry about decorations for the head table too! And my girls get to sit with there guys. Thanks Knotties!Dana

megk8oz

Oh holy crap, we got through to somebody! Yay us!

Licia&Wayne

Wow. Mark this day in the calendar.

bablingbrooke

Here's how you resolve it: Let her sit w/ her husband at his table. You're fooling yourself if you think that you get to actually sit, eat, and talk w/ your WP during dinner. You'll be lucky if you get 15 minutes to wolf down food. And it's very inconsiderate to split up a couple at a party celebrating MARRIAGE. What kind of message does that send?

bablingbrooke

I see you agreed already. Goodie! Disregard my last comment.

mbcdefg

Glad you like the sweetheart table idea! I've seen them at lots of weddings. Here are some pics if you want ideas on how to decorate:http://www.verbenadesigns.com/JLD1.JPGhttp://www.liweddings.com/mywedding/album/i/33805.jpghttp://celebrityweddings.us/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/Sweetheart_Table.336150235.JPGhttp://www.wilsonandann.com/pictures/gallery/albums/Reception/sweetheart_table_toasting.sized.jpg

Alley2b

thanks! I appreciate the Knotties giving me good advice, but not the ones who told me I was being rude. Thanks again! I think the sweetheart table sounds like a refreshing idea.

Licia&Wayne

For the record, I don't think anyone was calling you rude. I wasn't (and I apologize if my wording was wrong and I called you rude. I didn't mean to). It's just the concept of wanting a head table so much that you're ok with splitting up significant others is rude, especially if someone expresses an issue with not being about to sit with her/his s/o.So, you = not rude. Me = foot in mouth...or on fingers.

jeannigirl

Dana: Thats what I am doing to is just having a table for me and my Groom then a table for the WP and their spouses or BF. I went to a wedding where my FI was a GM and they had a head table and split up their WP and spouses, and I did not know a single soul there so I sat at a table with strangers and I wasn't very happy at that. I am glad to see that their are brides who can totally grasp the concept of not splitting there WP party from their spouses/dates.

banana468

Yay ladies!OP, I don't think anyone was telling you that YOU were rude - they were sharing their opinion of splitting up significant others at a wedding.This is a rather "hot button" topic here.  I'm so pleased you'll keep the couples together that day!

LarissaAnn

Alley, you can see pix in my bio of the sweetheart table. It really doesn't need extra decoration -our venue just took the BM & my bouquets and arranged them on the sweetheart table as decoration. So then it's all done without spending extra money and time. H and I loved having the time to eat and talk, and the wedding party loved being around the room with their dates and their/our friends so they could socialize properly.

stina93446

OMG that was an AMAZING post! Why can't they all be like this?!

Alley2b

Yeah I've never heard of the Sweetheart table until now. It makes total since! I guess i've just been kinda stuck with doing the head table because I didn't know there other options. My WP will be much happier if they can sit with their dates. I know I would be!Dana

Alko726

We're doing the sweetheart table too, and I'm excited about it! We'll decorate the table with my bouquet and some candles, and it'll be a good chance to spend a little bit of time together before it's time to socialize. I'm not a huge fan of the "last supper" style head table with a bajillion people up in front of everyone anyway. My good friend did a long rectangular table in the midst of the other tables with the WP and their SOs sitting on either side -- looked like a good option too, IMO. Glad you found another alternative thanks to these oh-so wise women! Being considerate of others' feelings goes a long way, I think.

bablingbrooke

You'll be so happy with the sweetheart table. DH and I had one. It was the only time we got to spend alone. And when I say alone, I mean only one person visiting us at a time for 18 minutes, while I shoveled food into my mouth and the WP kept clinking their glasses to get us to kiss. We got relative privacy and our WP got to sit with their dates/friends who weren't in the WP. Plus it's really simple, and the simpler you keep things, the easier and more enjoyable the wedding will be.

CTGirl30

Glad you decided to go with the sweetheart table option! We're doing one, as well, since I'd rather my WP be able to sit with their husbands / kids / SOs during dinner than up on display at a head table (which is a concept that is looking more and more dated). The last 2 weddings I have attended featured sweetheart tables rather than head tables and I think it also just looks nicer to see the new bride & groom together like that.

kjmullaney1

What I'm doing is having a sweetheart table as well as 2 tables up on the "platform" one for BM's and their SO's and one for GM's and their SO's. I've been on both sides, sitting at a head table w/out SO which sucked and then SO sitting at head table and I had to sit with strangers which sucked even more. I think this way everyone will be a whole lot happier!

ffmaid

You should seat the husbands and dates with their So's. So either give up teh head table idea or seat the dates at the head table as well. You will barely be at your table all night making your friend and her husband and the other bp dates unhappy for some idea of what a head table is is not nice.

stoutcrowley

I may go against the grain here, but I have been to many weddings and have never seen SO at the head table...  Everyone in the WP assumed they would sit up there and their dates would sit elsewhere.  I've attended a few weddings my BF was in and I didn't know anyone and I survived and vise versa:)Have both your parents sit at the head table with you instead of WP... But like other posters have said, you really won't talk to anyone during dinner anyway and she can stand beside you while she gives her toast.

banana468

Stout, the general consensus is that to split the SO at the wedding reception is extremely rude.It may not be done by the bride and groom to knowingly be rude - but it's still rude nonetheless.