Wedding Party

14 Year Old Bridesmaid

My mother informed me, and my sisters that they will both be bridesmaids in my wedding. Cute.Anyway, it's two years away, and my youngest sister will be 14 then.The problem I am having is, that my mother wants me to pick the SAME dress for all six of my Bridesmaids, who are my age as me and older, with my sister "in mind".RIDICULOUS!What would you do in my situation? Should I just declare her a Junior Bridesmaid? That way, if she's wearing a different dress it's not a big deal? Im so confused and frustrated with this situation.

Re: 14 Year Old Bridesmaid

  • You pick your wedding party, not your mother.  So I would have a talk with her about that.  That's the sort of thing that needs to be nipped in the bud NOW, or you'll find yourself planning HER wedding.  (Unless, of course, she's paying.  Then you basically just have to take it, or refuse the money.)If I were you, I would ask all of your bridesmaids to pick their own dress, with maybe a few stipulations like length, color, designer, and so on.  Then then your sister can get a junior dress, and everyone else can get a regular dress.  Easy.
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  • 2 years before the wedding is too far in advance to pick a wedding party. YOu can feel confident telling your mother this. Also, YOU get to pick yur wedding party. Unless she is paying for all six dresses AND the rest of the wedding, she gets no say in what they wear. If you are mature enough to get married, you should be able to have a civil conversation with your mother. If she is paying, then she gets a say, and if you don't like her opinion, you can turn down the money. THis is not her wedding. Age really has nothing to do with what dress she wears. Unless you were picking a dress that makes them look hoochie, then it shouldn't be an issue. Also, you should not be picking a dress for another year and a half, so discussing it now is really not necessary. My sisters will be 32 and 20 at my wedding, so I am letting them choose whatever they want to wear. I have no delusions that they will pick the same thing, as their styles are totally different on a normal day.
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  • Ooof. First of all, your mother does not get to decide who's in your wedding party. YOU do. It's not her wedding. Second, if your wedding isn't for two years, you shouldn't even be thinking of a wedding party at this point. Just say, "Mom, I'll deal with that when it's time to pick a bridal party," then change the subject and don't let her push you into asking one now. Don't commit to asking anyone - sisters, friends, ANYONE - right now. Don't even mention a bridal party until about 10 months before your wedding date. Trust me. Third, your mother doesn't get to choose the bridesmaids' dresses. YOU and your BMs do. And in the event that you have younger bridesmaids, it's fine to get them something more age-appropriate. Since your wedding is in two years and you are still in school, I would concentrate on your schoolwork for now and not worry about wedding planning. If you don't actively plan your wedding now, then hopefully your mother will not butt in. And if she DOES try to butt in, then either ignore her or change the subject. I'm sure some posters will chime in about the "bean dip" method of distracting her. And it also alarms me that your mother has immediately started to take over your wedding plans. Since you have a heads-up of this now, I would be VERY sure not to let her steamroll your planning. Learn to stand up to her NOW, otherwise it will continue for the length of your marriage. If she is paying for the wedding, then I would really consider turning down her money and funding it yourself so that she cannot manipulate you. And if she's doing this because you live at home with her, then I would seriously consider postponing your wedding until you've moved out and finished school and gotten a job to fully support yourself as an independent adult.
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  • Mom needs to stop making all the decisions. Unless you're under 18 or close to it, mom doesn't get to call the shots. And it's also very silly to be discussing dresses two years away from the wedding.
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  • Ditto the others. And my mother tried to take over my wedding plans. H & I said, "thanks, but no thanks" to her money and that ended that.
  • "Mom, of course it's way too early to plan anything now.  Let's cross that bridge after Christmas 2010.  "And then bean dip your way out of conversations.Mom was out of line to tell your sibilings that they'd be in the wedding but unless you have huge issues with them, I wouldn't change it either. However when the time DOES come,point out the new trend of different dresses on the BP.
  • Unless your mom is paying for the wedding, she gets no say in ... well, ANY of it. I'd say at this point, you are kind of stuck with your sisters being in the BP (Booting them will just make things more strained between you, your mom and them). But when the time comes for dress shopping, just don't do matching dresses. If your mom doesn't like it, then SHE can pay for the "matching" dresses she likes.

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  • The pp all had great advice, I just wanted to add one thing: my 13 year old cousin was a bridesmaid in my wedding and she wore the same dress as everyone else. The girls agreed on the dress together. The dress was altered to fit her (she's tall and really skinny) and she looked great, and so did everyone else. As long as the style of the dress is appropriate and you have good alterations, your sister should be fine.
  • Your wedding is two years away so it is way too early to start thinking about this now. Whether you are paying or not, it is not your mother's place to choose who your bridesmaids will be. Pick whatever dresses you want. I was a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding when I was 14 and I wore the same dress as everyone else, I also wasn't labeled the "junior bridesmaid."
  • Your wedding is 2 years away you shoudl wait at least a year to pick BM. If you want then and your BM want they can all wear different dresses. Stop stressing about this for about 18 months
  • A junior bridesmaid is an insult to a teenager. AND that is ridiculous to have a 14 year old wear what grown women are wearing. I am having my FI neice stand up who will be 16 but in the same color dress, different style. And whos wedding is this anyways? Your mom is out of line.
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  • Ditto Stage.  As a 14 yo BM, I wore the same dress as the MOH and other BM once.  It was perfectly fine for my body - no issues.Well - it was 1994 so the dress now is certainly not appropriate for ANY event now except a retro ball.
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