In a pickle with bridesmaids!

keread

So I'm trying to figure out which ones of my friends and family I'm going to include in my Bridal Party and it's been my hardest decision so far. I know blood is thicker than water, so I'm definitely having my sisters and 2 cousins, but now I'm down to friends... I'm having 6 bridesmaids. NO MORE than that! It's already a lot to begin with so I know that's my number. That leaves room for 2 friends and I have 3 vying for the spots in my mind. It gives me a stomach ache to think about cutting out any of them! The problem is that I already mentioned something to one of them about being one of my bridesmaids right after I got engaged and now I'm not so sure. I've know the other 2 girls longer, but can i really UNASK someone!? I'm totally lost and think I may have jumped the gun. Now I'm stressed and confused and killing myself over this decision! I need serious advice! Please help!!!!

SarahPLiz

Dont even think about this until this time NEXT year. relationships with friends can change in a year's time. There is no need to agonize now, 18 months from your wedding. We see it too many times on this board, where someone chooses too early and then regrets their decision. WHen it comes time to decide (6-8 months out), then think about it again. If you can't decide between the three of them, then have none of them or all of them and increase your number to 7. Sides do not need to be even. Also, it is an honor to be a guest, so you don't have to have them as BMs, In fact, if you keep your WP with just family, their feelings are less likely to be hurt than if you choose 2/3rd of them and not the other.. "family only" is perhaps one of the easiest and most understood lines to draw.

bablingbrooke

Well, it sounds like you have three very good friends who you couldn't imagine getting married without, and an arbitrary number of two "spots" available. It doesn't sound like much of a pickle to me. Ask all three. You will not regret having seven BMs, an asymmetrical WP, or a WP that is "too big" but you will regret leaving one very good friend as the odd one out. How would you feel if it was you?

tidetravel

March 2011?  Wait to officially ask any BMs until Sept/Oct 2010.  That will be plenty of time to get dresses, plan parties, etc.  Relationships can change a lot in a year, and you may find you aren't in this pickle by then.  Also - the "blood is thicker than water" thing is BS.  You should have the people that are the nearest and dearest to you stand up for you.  This may or may not include your sisters/cousins.

blackfire5th

What is wrong with having 7?

emilykathleen511

I also agree to ask all or none. I also agree to wait until you are 6-10 months out (10 months at the absolute earliest). This problem may even work itself out between now and then.

banana468

The ladies are right.  Wait until next summer at the earliest to worry about this.And then, what if you have one more than 6?  Isn't it best to have just one more than to offend one?

ffmaid

No if you already asked her she is a bm you now have the options of 5 or 7

trix1223

ditto the other smart ladies. WAIT, wait, wait, wait, wait a year to ask anyone. Why? Scroll down this board and see the countless posts from brides who asked too early and now want to know how to kick someone out. If, a year from now, you're still very close with all 3 friends, ask all 3. I think you'd have far more regrets about leaving out a close friend than you would about have 7 BM. But please, did I mention to wait a year before asking anyone?

aerinpegadrak

It's not just a falling out that can make you regret asking someone.  We asked the 11 total members of our WP when we were intending to have a largeish (150 guests) wedding.  Then the budget sort of fell apart.  At that point we wanted to just elope, but since we had already asked the WP, we were kind of stuck.Wait, wait, wait.  You never know what can happen.

CTGirl30

You're stressing yourself unnecessarily way too early on this. Like the other wise ladies have advised, please wait until you're about 8, 7 months away from your wedding to ask people. That still gives them plenty of time to order dresses, etc. Having a huge gap of time between asking and your wedding leaves too much room for relationships to change / shift, etc. When it's a more reasonable time to decide, think about who you are closest to (nevermind whether they are related to you or not - your cousin may be a relative but is she one of your best friends as well? If not, don't ask for the sake of this "blood being thicker than water" notion).   If you have already asked the one girl, then you have asked her. You can't unask her without risking some major hurt feelings / damage to the friendship. Just stop now and hold off on asking anyone else until you're much closer to your wedding. And then, follow the advice above about asking the people you are closest to and can't imagine NOT having next to you as you exchange your vows with your FI. Until then, relax. :-)

caymans_christy

To answer your first question - No, you cannot UNASK someone to be in your WP.  You already asked one of the three to be your BM...  you cannot unask her now with serious repercussions to the friendship.You need to pick the girls that you are the closest to...  Length of friendship does not matter.  Just because I have known and been friends with someone my entire life does not mean that they are the person that I want standing next to me while I make this lifelong commitment to my FI.Are you asking your cousins out of family obligation?  Or are you really close to them?  If you are not truly friends with them, those are the two that I would not be asking.  I agree with pps - you could also just ask all 7...

megk8oz

Everybody else is right about waiting to ask and the number of BMs not mattering and so on and so forth. As far as "unasking" goes this is how that one works: you CAN do this, but you CAN'T expect the person to ever speak to you again after doing so. Yes, there is some random girl that will probably come out of the woodwork and say "That's not true, I kicked people out, and our relationship is FINE", that girl is either lying, delusional ... or her friends are idiots. Being unasked is a slap in the face, and doing so is something you can only do if you feel the relationship is worth losing over.

Anon I. Mouse

Definitely rather early to be choosing bridesmaids.And why is blood automatically thicker than water?I am not having a wedding party, however I can say there are some blood relatives (who are VERY close by blood) who I did not even invite to our wedding, where I did invite friends. For both FI and I it was more about our emotional connection then blood connection.

Leah&Christian09

I don't get how 6 is ok, but 7 is just way too many.  So much so that having 6 is more important than hurting someone's feelings.

megk8oz

Also, regarding asking family members: You don't really HAVE to ask family, but in the case of siblings, usually it's just easier to do so, than to deal with every single Christmas for the rest of your life having some relative call you out on it. So unless you HATE your sisters, it is probably better to just ask them Cousins however, are different. People (i.e. relatives with entitlement issues) may think you owe them a spot, but you don't. And if you don't ask them, THAT really is not the end of the world, and while people may be dissapointed, it's understandable to not include them.

lalap69

I hope you're just thinking about it at this stage, and aren't planning on asking anyone yet because you're still really far out and friendships have a way of changing over time.  The decision may be a lot clearer to you in a year's time.Having said that, if you've asked one of the girls, no you cannot "unask" her.  So she's definitely one of your bridesmaids now.As for the rest, I don't understand why you are so set on 6.  Is that arbitrary number really more important to you than your friends?

vszyman

I can understand not wanting to exceed 6... I didn't want a HUGE wedding party which can be a little overwhelming (both as a bride and even as a guest at a wedding).Here's a thought- just ask the 4- two sisters and two cousins... and ask your 3 friends to do something different (read, sing, greet guests, etc.)Maybe?

bablingbrooke

I also can understand not wanting a huge WP but it's not like we're talking about a jump from 3 BMs to 10, but from 6 to 7. If you've already decided on 6, and having 7 would avoid hurt feelings, why not add one more?

lilcassers

why are you set on only having 6? Is it a money issue? I guess I am confused because they pay for their own attire and what not. I wouldn't focus on a # ,I would choose all who you are close with. and ask about 8 months before.

Soon2BeMrsTing

I was a BM in a friend's wedding last summer. She had 7 BMs (none were blood relatives) and it was fabulous!