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Not a BM...yet

lalap69lalap69 member
1000 Comments
in Wedding Party
Okay, so first things first - I am NOT picking my wedding party right now.  All of the official asking will happen much closer to the wedding.However, I do find myself thinking about that aspect a lot and who I will ask.  There are a few people that I know I will ask for sure, like my sister, brother, and BFF since high school.  My friend has made a couple of jokes about being in the WP like "if you don't ask me, I'm just going to buy the dress and show up!"  I'm not asking about how to deal with this because I joke back with her and it stays light and doesn't bother me.  I'm curious about how others have handled this.  So my question is if anyone else has dealt with this and how they handled it?  Did you give the standard response advocated all the time for people trying to push their way into being a BM?  Did you joke around?  Or can you not even imagine one of your friends joking about this? ;)
Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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Re: Not a BM...yet

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Bean dip like your plane is going down.
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  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    2500 Comments
    Bean dip. You don't have to out right say "You know I'm not asking you", but after the initial "Oh, I'm not even THINKING about that sorta thing right now", you break out the bean dip, and you make sure every last nacho in the bowl is covered in it.Trust me, if you don't, you run the risk of her booking a David's Bridal appointment behind your back AFTER your "real" BM dresses are ordered so the 2 of you can go together and she can "try things on" to "give you ideas".I speaketh from personal experience.

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  • Leah&Christian09Leah&Christian09 member
    1000 Comments
    My sister is the type that would say something like this.  When we first got engaged, she joked that if she wasn't my MOH, she would stand up and object at the ceremony.  Of course, she's my only sister and my closest friend, so everyone knew there was no question she'd be my MOH anyway.  She wouldn't have said that otherwise. Do you think you'll end up asking her anyway?  If so, just laugh it off or bean dip her until you're ready to ask.  If not, you may have to confront it down the road.  Normally, I don't think you should tell people that they aren't being asked, but if you do ask everyone, and you decide not to ask her, you can wait until she asks or makes a comment and have a response ready. 
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  • NotNumbersNotNumbers member
    100 Comments
    Ha, Meg!  I think I remember you posting about that nutjob.  I assume she eventually settled down? OP, yes bean dip is definitely a good way to go. 
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  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    2500 Comments
    Yeah, in my situation, both FI and I had been in her wedding, and we had gotten engaged right before that, so from Day 1 of my engagement, she was very "Well, when it's your turn and I'm your BM ...". I had never outright said one way or the other if she would be one (Which even then, I knew I didn't want her as one), and I think part of my problem with her stemmed from the fact that in the beginning, I just let her make the her comments and never tried to set her straight. Again, I'm not saying you have to out right say "I'm not asking you", but definitely find a tactful way to get it nipped in the bud.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Bean dip like your plane is going down. Someone who didn't speak Knot would probably be horribly confused by this statement.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    @aerin: LOL. You're right, it would be really confusing. One of my BMs "asked" me if she was a BM when I called to tell her I was engaged. The conversation went as follows: Me: I'm engaged. BM: Ahhhh!!! I'm so excited for you. You know, I really look good in green. Me:...Great! BM: I asked her if I was a BM and she didn't say anything! OMG do you think she's mad at me? BM2: What did you say? BM: I told her I looked good in green! BM2: Um...
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    I thought I clarified that I wasn't looking for advice, but wanted to hear other people's stories?
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    Haha, brooke, I love that that was your friend's response to your engagement.
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I'm just thick-headed like that. You might have guessed that subtle hints are not her strong point. But bless her for making the effort! She's a great friend and I heart her :)
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Oh! I forgot to mention her next step. She and BM2 then went through my whole facebook friends list to try to figure out who I was asking as my BMs, since *clearly* I had already shot them down :)
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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  • emilykathleen511emilykathleen511
    1000 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    //Oh! I forgot to mention her next step. She and BM2 then went through my whole facebook friends list to try to figure out who I was asking as my BMs, since *clearly* I had already shot them down :) //OMG. That just made my day! :D
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I should add that there was never any question that I was going to ask them and there was never any question that they would say yes. And they were amazing BMs, best I could have ever asked for! I just wasn't planning to ask them yet!
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    I'm not trying to say you can't give me advice, stage, just clarifying what I was trying to ask since it might not have been clear.  I mean, you can say whatever you want.  But so can I. :)  I was curious to hear what others have done.  This board gets a little boring with the same questions being asked all the time.  Hearing the same responses ("bean dip it") that I see to those questions just makes this thread a lot less interesting.  And well, I was bored tonight.Brooke's story was funny!  I was hoping for a little more of that.
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Oh, Stage, I already knew you were a witch ;) I mean that's why we're all still here instead of on the nest, right?
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
    Report Reply
  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    I'm actually not new at all, but I can see why you would think that.  I've been (mostly) lurking on these boards for a couple of years, since way before I got engaged, so I get how it works.  I just generally don't post because others have already said what I would and it seems redundant.I generally like to read what others have to say, which is why I keep coming back, but after a while it starts to get repetitive.  I was hoping to mix it up a bit, which is why it was disappointing to see more of the same.  And yeah, everyone has the right to say whatever they want, but that doesn't make it particularly relevant.  I had said I was handling it my own way, which I am, and I have the added benefit of knowing the dynamic of my friendship.  So if people want to give unsolicited advice, I obviously can't stop them, but that doesn't make it helpful or even particularly relevant.But I guess I could look at the advice as indirectly answering my question of "Did you give the standard response advocated all the time for people trying to push their way into being a BM?"  As "yes, I would bean dip."
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    And now reading through the replies again today, I'm wondering if I either imagines the number of one-liners from last night or if some posts got deleted...this thread reads a lot more interesting in the morning!Thanks to everyone who shared their stories!!And Stage - no harm no foul. :)
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I one of those people who doesn't "speak knot" and, yes, I'm confused. Can someone tell me what "bean dip" means in this context?  Sorry, I'm new!
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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Thanks!
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Asking someone if they like the bean dip when there is *no* bean dip --> hilarious results.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
    Report Reply
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