Is it Tradition to make HIS Sister a BM?

diandmat

Some pople have told me that it would be a good compliment to his family to  make his sister a Brides Maid. (I already have 5 BMs). Ive met her about 4 times, and we get on well, but I dont know if its Tradition/expected to do so, or if it would be be weird... maybe she wants to wear her own dress...  I have no idea. Thoughts?

banana468

I've seen the groom's sister as a BM several times.  The new trend is to ask the people close to the bride and groom to stand up for that person.  So she could be a groom's attendant if you didn't feel appropriate asking her.FWIW, BIL (DH's brother) asked DH to be co-BM and SIL asked me to be her BM.  We'd known one another for a few years but didn't get to see each other too often but it was still a great honor and we were fast friends - before the wedding planning.  My only advice - don't ask her if you want to create a relationship or if you want to turn the relationship you have into something else.  Things generally don't work that way and only wind up disappointing the bride.

jennylove810

I'm asking FI's 2 sisters. Just seems to me that they should be included in their brother's wedding.

megk8oz

I'm from an area where it is almost unheard to NOT include siblings in the BP no matter what the relationship is like.Nowadays, it is becoming more common to have siblings stand on their own siblings side regardless of gender (The bride's brothers standing on her side, the groom sisters on his).You should talk this over with your FI and see how he feels about her being in the BP and go from there.FWIW, I am having FI's sister as a BM, and FI is having my brother as a GM. But when we had decided on the BP, we knew we were going to ask them, we told them that they could stand on whichever side they wanted. They both decided to stand where they are because they felt more comfortable doing things the more "traditional" way. Had they picked otherwise, I wouldn't have thought twice about it.

Leah&Christian09

In some families, yes it is tradition.  I asked my SIL, but she and I are friends.  Talk to your FI about whether he'd like to include her.  Since you aren't very close, it might make the most sense for him to ask her to stand on his side.

bablingbrooke

It would be a good idea to ask her if not asking would cause trouble or drama within the family. Take it from someone who knows, it's worth it sometimes to ask a sister/FSIL to buy yourself some family peace. It's worth it. It would also be a very nice gesture. I have a good friend whose brother is getting married; in addition to the brother/groom, she has another brother and a sister. The brother is best man, the bride's sisters are BMs, and my friend and her sister aren't in the wedding at all. While it isn't the end of the world, she's an adult, she understands and isn't going to say anything, she's admitted a part of her is a little sad that she hasn't been asked to be part of the day. Now it certainly isn't your responsibility to make sure everyone's feelings are taken care of by a long shot. But when it comes to family I always say think about it: will she be at all the pre-wedding events (or at least invited) anyway? Will she be in the family wedding photos? Is she a decent person? If the answer to all three is yes, there really isn't a huge difference between her being a BM and not being a BM, and if it will save some hurt feelings and family drama to ask her to be a BM, it wouldn't change your wedding very much. Just some food for thought!

mbcdefg

It's up to you. I think the most important part is that you are all (you, FI, his sister, his family) on the same page with it. Some families might be insulted if you didn't ask her and so NOT asking her might not be worth the feud/hard feelings for years to come. But some families don't care and recognize that bridesmaids should be the bride's closest friends. So I would talk to everyone and see what's expected. Also, remember that all a bridesmaid has to do is get the dress and stand up in the wedding. So it's not like you have to be her best pal or attached at the hip to her throughout the planning process. If you do not "expect" more from your BMs than those two things, then you won't be disappointed if they don't do more, and you will be pleasantly surprised if they DO decide to do more (throw parties for you, help with planning, go shopping for your dress, etc. - they are not required to do any of these things). And for an August 2011 wedding, you don't even need to be choosing a bridal party right now anyway. Think about it all you want, but don't ask anyone until the end of next summer. Read through this board for horror stories from people who asked more than a year out and now want to un-ask people (and you really can't, unless you're prepared to completely end the friendship and maybe cause a fight).

[Deleted User]

It is up to you, but I agree with Brooke sometimes it's worth having a sibling there to avoid a problem later on. Although you have only met her four times so far, you will be seeing her for the rest of your life. You can suggest to FI to have her stand up for him.

yellow_grace

I love FI's sister, but I wouldn't say she is super-close to me, so I did not even consider asking her to be my attendant. John considered asking her, but decided not to for whatever reason. We did ask her to do a reading. When she got married last year, she asked John to be an usher. I was just there as the mom of the cute kids:)

Shawnee11507

I am having the same dilemma. FI has 2 brothers and a step-sister (he considers her his sister and her dad is still married to his mom). He is planning on having both his brothers as GM. I have two sisters and a brother. One of my sisters and my brother are significantly younger than us (they will be 13 and 15 when we marry). I am planning on having both my sisters as BM. That leaves out my little brother and his step-sister. FI has way too many friends he'd like as GM already, so there's no room for my brother. I am thinking of solving it by having my little brother and FI's other older nephew escort the little ring bearer down the isle and having his older nieces escort the little flower girl down the isle. His step-sister is a good singer, so I am going to ask her to sing a song at our wedding- either the one I walk down the aisle to or our first dance. What do you think?

lyndausvi

It's almost unheard of in my world not to have a sibling in the wedding.  I had DH's 2 sisters in my wedding even though I met them once and they are 15 and 17 years younger than me.  It was important to DH, so I thought it should be important to me.  Yes, they could have been on his side.  But neither one of us like that look for us (fine for everyone else).  We both viewed everyone in the WP as there to support US, not just the person of the side they were standing on.

apfoster05

If you dont feel comfortable DONT DO IT!!! I made my FI's sister a BM out of guilt and i absolutley hate her(have for a long time) she has made everythign about her and its the worst decision i ever made...I wish I could un-ask her, but i know thats not right

bablingbrooke

apfoster, she won't ruin things unless you let her. My sister went out of her way to try to ruin things. Still didn't succeed because I decided I wouldn't let it bother me. Have nothing but wonderful memories about the wedding.

swim1011

I was pretty hurt that I wasn't included as a BM in my older brother's wedding, but mostly bc our younger brother is included.  I did ask both my brothers to be in our WP, but not my fSIL (truthfully, partly bc no one is sure whether they will actually make it to the altar or not..).  So, if you want her in it, go for it.  If your FI has a brother/s in the WP, I would definitely ask her, so there aren't any hurt feelings.

caymans_christy

I didn't ask my FSIL to be a BM, partly because we are doing a DW and I knew she wasn't planning on coming, but mostly because I just didnt think about it.  I would ask your FI, I mentioned it to mine after the fact (woops!) to see what he thought.  He wasn't a GM in his sister's wedding and did not think it was odd that I was not asking her.  He told me it wasn't a big deal to him.  If you don't ask FSIL to be in the wedding party, I would just make sure that you include her in all the other pre-wedding activities - including getting ready together the day of the wedding.

Ishaba11

I am not planning on asking my FI sisters to be in my BP. He is fine with it. He has 3 sisters and I already have 5 BMs.  I dont think it's a "tradition" but some families would take offense to it. I guess it depends on how close the family is.

junelley

Don't ask if you don't want to.  Mention it to your FI if he has considered to ask his sister to be his groomsmaid.   You don't have to ask your FSIL, but some consider it a nice gesture.  I was debating the same issue and ended up not asking my FSIL.  I already have my brother as my Gentleman of Honor. 

diandmat

Thank you!!!! I think Ill jsut ask her to be involved one way or annother.one extra BM wont hurt. thnks!

Jeni35

Hmm, my sister will be my maid of honour because it is tradition. She lives in another state though and doesn't have a lot of interest in shopping. On the other hand, she is my only living sister and has survived grave illness and I adore her. My FI's sister and I get along okay. I decided I would ask her eventhough it is going to be a small wedding because I don't want to cause future issues. If she ever gets married, I expect the same. We are both from small families and it would hurt me to see her not a part of things. It is your decision though. Do not let anyone make you feel bad.