Tails on my Groom...

EPDwedding

Okay so I have no final decision made on this yet, but I'm asking the question anyway. Maybe it should be in etiquette section but I'm not sure...For a traditional wedding, I understand that a tuxedo with tails should only be worn for a formal evening wedding after 6 oclock. I think I really like the way my fiance will look in a tail coat tux (he's got a small frame so it would look sooooooo great) BUT my wedding will be at 2pm. Although I wouldn't exactly say that my wedding is entirely traditional... in fact, if I had my way my brother would be my Man of Honor and he'd be wearing a Zoot suit (because that would be soooooo him, lol). But my wedding will still be fairly traditional, being a Catholic ceremony and whatnot, but at the same time I have a bit of a quirky personality so... would it really be intirely horrendous if my groom were to wear a tailcoat tux despite it being a 2pm wedding?? Also, regardless what my fiance wears I want the groomsmen to wear a different style tux... is that also something to be careful about??? I'm actually suprised that my fiance likes the idea of the tails considering that he tends to be very aware of etiquette and tradition. I think he's even annoyed that I'm concerned that it might be too much of a faux pas.

blackfire5th

Hey fellow Catholic Bride! If your FI wants to wear tails, then he can wear tails. Also, you can still have your brother as your Man of Honor and have him in a zoot suit even with a Catholic wedding. I don't think anyone else is going to care about either of these or worry about old etiquette that you probably didn't know about until you looked it up. I think that when it comes to who you have in your wedding party and what you wear is really up to you. I think this is one of the very few cases wear you can say "this is my wedding and I will do what I want"

blackfire5th

Are you and your FI really 21 years apart?

banana468

Technically he'd be more appropriate in a morning coat if you're really wanting to stick to etiquette.Beyond that, let him pick what he wears and what the GM wear.  Your brother if he's man of honor can wear a zoot suit but please be aware of cost if that's the case.  Just like you need to ask your BMs what they're willing to spend, you need to ask your brother as well.

bablingbrooke

He gets to pick his outfit unless he told you to take care of it (that's what my DH did). Otherwise just as I'm sure he didn't get any input in your dress, you need to let him pick his outfit. Regarding tails--that's really, really formal. It would come across as the bride and groom taking themselves too seriously to me. But it's your wedding, the jacket will be off during the reception anyway, so it's really up to you. And make sure as pp said to have your FI find out what his guys' budget is, especially if you're asking them to get anything more than a typical run-of-the-mill tux.

mbcdefg

Even if etiquette says it's not O.K. for an afternoon wedding, attire is something that will not hurt anyone else if you do it "wrong" (as opposed to, say, the bad etiquette of not feeding people or having enough chairs). So if he really wants tails then he should get them if that'll make him happy. It should be about what HE wants, not about what society, etiquette, or even YOU says he should do.Why ISN'T your brother your Man of Honor? That's perfectly fine in a Catholic ceremony. There are also no set rules about attire ... any attire rules are up to your priest, and that usually consists of things relating to the women's attire (some churches discourage bare shoulders or strapless ... my priest told me that basically anything goes as long as no boobies are hanging out). So if you want him as your honor attendant, what's stopping you?

[Deleted User]

He could wear a morning suit, which is the correct suit to wear before 6pm anyway. [url]http://tinyurl.com/yd9bjnw[/url]

[Deleted User]

Sorry [img]http://tinyurl.com/yd9bjnw[/img]

rainedrop6

I also agree with NCV2. Tuxes are supposed to only be worn after 6pm and tails only for very formal affairs. I certainly feel you should do whatever you want, it is your wedding and only you know your guests. But if following etiquette is important to you, I wouldn't suggest it. It's possible that a large number of guests won't know the difference but some probably will. I know when I attend weddings and attire is different than etiquette suggests, I always wonder if it was personal choice or the couple just didn't know better. Of course I'd never discuss it with anyone at the wedding but I do think it in my head. BTW, is your reception immediately following the ceromony or is after 6pm, because if so he could always change into more formal attire for an evening reception. I've been to many weddings where the ceremony was in the afternoon and reception in the evening and the WP and guests all changed into more formalwear for the reception. Also, the groom certainly does not have to match his groomsmen if he doesn't want to.

EPDwedding

Thanks everyone. It's a relief to hear that it wouldn't be so much of a jaw dropper if he does decide on a tail coat. My brother doesn't want to be Man of Honor and I'm okay with that, I figured that he wouldn't feel comfortable doing that so there's no hard feelings. My Godmother was actually the one to come up with that idea. But I'm still going to have him as a reader and hopefully he'll be willing to do some kind of special brother/sister dance or perhaps play his guitar to some Johnny B Goode at the reception. : P And yes, my fiance is 21 years older than me. A lot of people do often mistake him for being closer to my age, though... he just has those great "anti-aging" genes that most women would kill to have.

blackfire5th

Wow, that is a huge gap! I always thought my parents had a huge gap at 9 years. He's not rich is he? (that's just a joke, please don't take offense and if you do I will remove the comment) I was just wondering if it was 21 or if it was a typo and you are 12 years apart.

blackfire5th

I also wanted to add that if you are doing a father-daughter dance and a mother-son dance, I would suggest not making a big deal about a brother-sister dance. Maybe just make sure you dance with him at the reception, otherwise guests will get really bored watching dance after dance after dance. I went to one wedding that had about 5 different special dances and everyone had to stand around for about 15 min and when it was fianlly time to open the dance floor, no one would dance because no one was actually sure they were allowed!

EPDwedding

yeah, it is a huge gap. Yet, it works considering that I like old fashioned values and he was raised with those old fashioned values and wants that for us as much as I do. My parents are 10 years apart but I never really thought much of it.  LoL, I only WISH he were rich... its seems that love is what I must settle for, though. : P I'm not too concerned about the special dances. His parents passed away a number of years ago. So it'll probably be the father/daughter dance and that's it... of course I haven't thought it through completely. But I love Johnny B. Goode (back to the future version) and so does my brother so I thought it'd be something light hearted and funny to break things up a bit.

blackfire5th

Ah, so now we get to the real reason you are marrying him, no in-laws!

EPDwedding

You bet, lol. But I still have to hear about how great of a saint his mother was.... gets annoying after a while...