Unequal number of bridesmaids/groomsmen?

lindseroo

How does everyone feel about having an unequal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen?  In my mind, it really bothers me to imagine one more person on one side, but how has it looked at weddings you've gone to?  My fiance and I will actually have the same number of people each, but his two brothers are his "best men," so they will both be standing on the top level (we're talking church stairs here).  Therefore, the bridesmaids will be a longer line.  I think I am probably just being too OCD, but I need some reassurance!!

emilykathleen511

It is PERFECTLY fine to have uneven numbers. No one is going to be looking at your wedding party counting heads. They will be watching you and your fiance exchanging marriage vows. If anything they will think it is wonderful to see so many smiling faces next to you. Don't worry about this any more! And please...when everyone else comes on later today and says the exact same thing that I am saying, do not delete your post! (some brides do this when people don't agree with their every word). Leave your post up for the next bride who has the same question! Also: Your wedding is over a year away...there is no need to give any kind of thought to who will be in the wedding party or where they will be standing...you shouldn't even ask anyone to be in your wedding for another 5-8 months, and deciding where they should stand should come up at about, oh, the day before at the rehearsal...you're waaay over-thinking this! And with that, I'm off to bed!

LovesMM

At one point in time I had and even number BP. It wasn't planned it was just how it happened. Then one of my girls didn't order her dress and so the sides were uneven. I honestly don't think it made the photos look bad. There was one picture the photographer wanted to take that would have worked much better if we had the other girl but it was completely fixable. In the grand scheme of things the eveness of the BP doesn't matter, getting married does.

swim1011

My FI has 7 (eep!) guys on his side, and I have 3 BMs and my 2 brothers standing on my side.  5 vs 7Truthfully, once you get up front, nobody is going to look at the WP for more than a few seconds.. they're there for you and your FI!  Don't worry about it at all. 

banana468

You're being OCD!  :-)I've seen several uneven weddings and no one thinks that it looks bad ever.  Just enjoy that you're a bit more unique!

Reynoldsmom312

I was a BM in a wedding that was escorted by to GM: made me feel sort of important! We had a great time when the three of us were introduced. I wouldn't worry about it!  Good luck!

megk8oz

There's actually some "issues" occurring in my BP at the moment, where it is possible somebody may or may not show up, (gasp!) destroying my "even sides".My mom keeps asking me who I'm asking to "step in" if such a thing happens. And I'M the one that keeps telling her "Um, nobody? If there was somebody else I wanted at this point, I would have ASKED them just to be in it".The she tells me "Well even sides look nice" ... and I say "I really don't care. If in 20 years my kids REALLY ask me while looking in my album 'Mommy, why don't the sides match?', I guess I will have to explain 'Well, Timmy, somebody couldn't make it, and this what happened. As you can see by your father's and my smiles and laughter in the pictures, this had no effect on our happiness that day".The sad part is, I think my mom really thinks I'm joking.

trix1223

Yep, you're being OCD. WPs are NOT about symmetry. They are about having those you care the most about stand with you on your wedding day. Are numbers really more important than people?

bablingbrooke

Just an FYI, this question is answered *literally* every day. We had an uneven WP. No issues, no regrets. My DH is OCD like you say you are and he didn't care when all was said and done.

AdeleDazeem

Uneven wedding parties are completely fine.  Don't give it another thought because the day of, I'm pretty sure you won't be standing there agonizing over the missing person.  I ask this in all honesty... it seems like the older generation (and the one before that, etc) take these small details so seriously.  Why is that?  Were these details the norm when they got married?  My mother can't abide the idea of an uneven wedding party either.  Neither can she stand the idea of short bridesmaids gowns.  I was in a bridal salon this weekend watching my sister try on gowns when some older women in the store were discussing the etiquette of parental attire, specifically mother of the bride and mother of the groom.  When I mentioned that those details were nice, but not something to get tied up over, I was given the look of death and politely told "oh, honey.  You don't know."  Um, really?  How did this generational divide happen?

bablingbrooke

This is also one of those situations where you need to ask yourself: What's the *worst* thing that could possibly happen by having an uneven WP?

megk8oz

I just realized how horrible my mother sounded in my post. She actually is NOT referring to my older sister in this scenario, but the Best Man (Long story, another time, another post), who is not related to either of us. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm sure if it WAS my own sister that wasn't showing up (Although, that is still an issue), my mother would be completely appalled if I suggested a "stand in" for her. Ok, my mom's a total hypocrite. Just the same: I stand by my previous statement about my wedding album 20 years from now.

LarissaAnn

Photos in bio.

Leah&Christian09

In my mind, it really bothers me to imagine one more person on one sideIn my mind, it really bothers me that anyone would consider excluding a friend or including a random person just to make numbers even.  My friends are more important to me than even numbers.

jeannigirl

Throw that symentry thing out the window. Yea and have who you want. I don't even think that the weddings I attended did I even pay attention to that aspect I was just watching the bride & Groom

Maybabe28

I actually have the same problem. I have 4 BMs 5 GMs. I am going to have my Best Man stand with my fiance instead of walking down the aisle with the maid of honor...and I am just going to have her walk with my brother instead. I really don't care about the uneven numbers but just wanted some ideas on what I should do about the bridal party dance...? Who is my extra GM going to dance with?  Any suggestions on what I should do?

bablingbrooke

May: Please, please, PLEASE don't do do the bridal party dance! Those went out with poofy Princess Di sleeves. It's no fun for them or anyone else. Just let the GM dance with his date.

Leah&Christian09

May: on the way in church, you can have the best man or all the guys waiting up front.  On the way out, you can have two GM at the end walk with one BM.  Once you and your FI are down the aisle, people stop paying attention anyway.Skip the WP dance.  They are uncomfortable for everyone, and scream 1982.

banana468

May, PLEASE don't do the bridal party dance.  If you must, request that the BP dance with their dates if they have them.  If not, don't even do one.  Just open the dance floor with 'all your friends'.  The bridal party will be up there with everyone else. 

trix1223

Joy, to answer your question "Was this the norm when got married?"  the answer is absolutely yes.  I'm part of that , I've been MOG and MOB.When we were married we did have even sides.  And it was just expected that you would.  So brides and grooms worked together to come to agreement on how many would be on each side.  At the time as well, you would never have seen a man standing on the bride's side or a woman standing on the groom's side.Was it right?  In retrospect, nope.  But it's what was done.  So if parents/grandparents have a hard time understanding the changes, it's because you're bumping up against their norm and hundreds (if not more) years of history.You know, the children of today's brides will certainly raise their voices in exasperation when they are married, because the norm will have changed again.Strapless dresses when I was married?  No one would have dreamed of wearing strapless.  But nearly every single dress out there today is strapless.  No doubt, the children of today's strapless brides will hoot at the styles of their moms' wedding dresses.And not to belabor the point, Joy, but I have to comment as well on your statement about the older generation taking small details so seriously.   Really?  Taking small details so seriously is reserved for the older generation?Talk to any current bride who is obsessing over tiny details like a freakin' guest book, table numbers, OOT bags, STD's, and more and I think you'll agree that obsessing over tiny details is the domain of every generation of brides.FWIW:  Things that today's brides worry about that weren't even on our radar screen when I was married 31 years ago:  table numbers and whether they should "reflect us"~their sole purpose was to let people know where to sit.  We didn't have OOT bags, STD's, pocketfold invitations, room blocks in hotels, destination weddings, AHRs, flip flop baskets, bathroom baskets, tears of joy packets, and so much more.Get ready, Joy.   Someday your kids will be coming from a different place than you are today.  And somewhere along the line, you'll wonder how that happened! 

junelley

I don't care too much about the unequal number of BM/GMs, but my FI is adamant about having even numbers.  He's kind of obssessed with symmetry, though, in general.  May: I echo all the pps - please don't do the bridal dance.  They are awful.  Just awful.  FI and I went to a wedding that did a bridal dance.  It was so uncomfortable that after the bridal dance, there was an awkward silence. 

Maybabe28

Thank you for the advice...I know this sounds silly but I didn't know that Bridal Party dances were things of the past...all the weddings that I have been to or have been in they have had a bridal party dance. Looking back they are kinda non-eventful. I will keep in mind all your comments thank you so much for helping me make a decision!

blackfire5th

I feel fine about uneven parties. DH and I were originally going to go for even numbers, but he couldn't think about anyone else he was close to, and couldn't imagine excluding anyone. We realized that having these people were what was important to us and although I could have cut a couple friends, I so much happier that I included them and will be able to look back on my wedding photos and remember how special they are to me. Here are some photos of our wedding: [img]http://tinyurl.com/ygnk9ng[/img] [img]http://tinyurl.com/yarn555[/img] [img]http://tinyurl.com/ycea8gf[/img] (Sorry they are huge)

AdeleDazeem

trix - thanks for answering my question!  You make fair points.I've just noticed that the details my parents/grandparents are stressing over with the wedding aren't the ones myself and my sister (who is also getting married) even remotely care about.  I was curious if when I was a mom, would I care about those things?  Or, was it because when my parents got married, those were the details they worried about?  I'm not sure if that makes sense.It really was just an honest question coming from the experiences I've had planning and talking with MOB/MOGs, my own parents, and peers getting married.  No other motives.Thanks!

mrscheetah

I understand b/c when I first got engaged, having an even number was super important to me, however, my fiance had 6 guys he wanted to ask and I only had 5 girls and I decided I would rather have uneven numbers than ask someone who I'm not super close to. Every bridesmaid that I have is someone very important in my life, and that's what matters most to me.