I told her and she...

luckyone08_7774238

BAWLED!

I don't know if you remember my posts earlier this month about a close friend of mine that assumed the position of MOH (based on promises made a long time ago, before we drifted away, moved, etc) and I didn't want her to be. I want my only cousin (girl cousin, and the only extended family that I'm close with at all) to be my MatronOH and all of my friends except this one understand. Well, today I broke the news to her, since I nailed the venue down and wanted the girls to have fair warning, and she flipped out. First she hung the phone up (again, we've only seen each other once in the last 2 years and we live 1 hr apart) and called back later and was bawling and going on and on about how I hurt her feelings and she was confused and was not  happy with it. When I explained that it was because of my relationship with my cousin and how I couldn't imagine it not being her there, etc and she didn't understand. But when we were talking about her wedding, she said that she wants her sister to be her MOH and she wasn't going to ask me...wth? I mean, I don't care, I'm not that selfish, but if she isn't planning on asking me, why should she expect me to ask her? I'm confused with that. All in all, she was really selfish about it. But if I cut her, I know that's it for our relationship. I don't really know what do to. I'm just annoyed I guess. I just had to vent. 

gottahavashorti

Did you call her and tell her she wasn't MOH, whether in the same conversation as asking her to be a BM or not?

Unless it was something like you called to ask her to be a BM and let her know the date, she asked if she was MOH, you said your cousin was, and she pried as to why your cousin was your MOH instead of her, I don't understand why you had that conversation.  It would probably be best to apologize for being so straightforward about it.

bablingbrooke

I don't doubt she made a difficult situation even harder.  I agree she sounds unstable and overly sensitive.  You totally have my sympathies on that.  But it might have been better to do something along the lines of sending out a "meet and greet" email and saying "X is MOH, Y and Z are BMs, this is their contact info" or something along those lines.  I know that info would have been nice to have earlier, but your post last month was along the lines of "do I have to make her MOH" rather than "how do I get that point across to to her" and therefore no one thought to bring it up.  I wish now I had.

luckyone08_7774238

That's exactly what happened and no one is understanding me. I called her to tell her I booked the date and venue. I asked her to set aside a day to go look at bridesmaid dresses when I go to look at getting my dress. She said "the MOH dress is supposed to be different than a BM dress" and I said my cousin was my MOH and kept talking. She then pried. 

Was I supposed to just let her figure it out? I guess I won't be talking on here anymore. Since I'm the bad guy and I can't make my point. I didn't know what to do in the moment, aside from hang up on her. I don't even get what the issue is, it's a title. It's not even that serious. Thank you ladies for making this harder on me than it already was. I wasn't asking for sympathy, just some understanding. I was hoping that someone would be able to see it from my POV and understand where I was coming from, too.

bablingbrooke

Then I clearly misunderstood the OP.  Sorry.  I think you did the best you could have.  All you can do is hope for her to come around.  

luckyone08_7774238

Brooke, that is a good idea and had I thought of something similar I would have. But she doesn't have regular access to the internet so it really wouldn't have been beneficial to her at all.

lalap69

OP, I clearly misunderstood as well, and I'm sorry.  It really sucks that she's taking this so poorly.  It sounds like she really put you on the spot and you're right, I don't know what else you could have done.

I think all you can do is just give her some time and space and hope she comes to terms with it.  Good luck to you.

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]That's exactly what happened and no one is understanding me. I called her to tell her I booked the date and venue. I asked her to set aside a day to go look at bridesmaid dresses when I go to look at getting my dress. She said "the MOH dress is supposed to be different than a BM dress" and I said my cousin was my MOH and kept talking. She then pried.
Posted by luckyone08[/QUOTE]
Okay, I wasn't gathering that from the OP.  With those clarifications, yes, it sounds like you've done everything you could and she's making things difficult without reason.

luckyone08_7774238

Okay, ladies. Thank you. I'm sorry I got defensive, but I was trying to get the whole story across and I did poorly in doing so. Trying to cut a conversation into a post that isn't a novel was hard, haha. 

Thank you for understanding. I was stuck and didn't know what to do. Believe me, I did take your advice and help from before and did what I could to avoid "the talk". I didn't even act like it was a thing and boy was I wrong. Hopefully she'll understand in time and still be involved. Again, I appreciate your help and your talking me through this. I guess we'll see as time goes on. We've got plenty of time to get this all taken care of and I'm sure (hoping) it'll be fine.

Licia&Wayne

luckyone, I love your use of "the talk". I know what you're gettin at, but the more everyone uses it, the more I see you in a sex education situation. I cannot stop laughing.

That being said, I agree with PP. There was really nothing to be done. You let her know as tactfully and delicately as you possibly could by just slipping it into conversation and moving on. It sucks that she was so upset by it, but hopefully the sting won't last.

natashagwen0630

Don't feel bad.  You chose your MOH based on YOUR feelings, no one elses.  I think it's rude and petty to act the way she did.  I've been married once before and when I announced to everyone who was in the wedding, my aunt said she wasn't even going to come to the wedding because her daughter wasn't the flower girl!  There was so much drama between the MOH and the bridesmaids, my family... etc... all because this person felt they should be this or that.  I actually chose my MOH because she was a long time childhood friend.  We too, had drifted apart and barely saw each other.  However, I knew that she "expected" to be the MOH.  Against everyones better judgement, I did choose her and she was (I hate to say this) a horrible MOH.  She created so much drama between my bridesmaids, she ended up not inviting people that SHE didn't like to my bachelorette party.  She ddidn't smile in ANY of the wedding pics.  A lot of petty crap.  What it comes down to is that every one of your friends and family should be happy and supportive.  This is your day and these are your choices.  Brides really don't need anymore stress! 
I think you handled the situation well. 
This time around, I will NOT ask someone to be my MOH beause I know they are expecting it.  I've asked the gal I'm closest to and who I want to be in that position.
GOOD LUCK!  Ladies seem to be very jealous and rude when it comes to weddings.  I hope things turn out well.

luckyone08_7774238

Licia, I thought that, too! But there wasn't any other phrase I could think of that was as fitting, lol. I was laughing about it too And thank you for your advice!

Natasha, thank you! That's exactly how it is with her. She expected it and assumed herself the position which is why I think she took it so hard. I'm past it now, because you're right, we don't need anymore stress! I also know that she wouldn't be a good MOH, and sounds like the same thing as your MOH experience. Thanks for your encouragement and sharing your story! Good luck planning your wedding!!