Wedding Party

Bridesmaid with issues.

I dont know where to start, so I guess the beginning is best. My grammer probably wont be up to par either so try to look past it because Im really hurt/frustrated/and annoyed at this point.

Just have an MOH, and two bridesmaids.

I had my bachlorette party this weekend. Nothing to fancy, I used a future in laws empty condo, and we went to a bar. The only reason we chose mothers day weekend was because of one particular bridesmaid who works shifts. That was the only weekend she could do it, and they asked if I would be okay with it. Sure, no problem Ill be home later that day. Fast forward to two weeks before the party and she starts changing plans on my MOH. She goes from saying she cant do it anymore, to she can, than she cant.

It then boils down to she can do it, but cant stay the night. The night before she says she CAN, the day of she says she CANT. (So much back and forth) Well, that ticked my MOH off, but she just kept it to herself. My MOH had this girls dress and shoes, and the girl asked her to bring them with her to the condo. She replied "Dur thats a given". WELL Miss bridesmaid took serious offense to this statement, and said that it was rude. She then gets in an argument over this, and they let their dirty laundry out with eachother and thats that.

I believe the feud to be over, but two hours before the night is supposed to start she text me saying she cant pretend everything is okay with my MOH and she cant attend the festivities. WTF. I ask her why cant she look past that and be there for me, and she doesnt answer. OKAY, Whatever. I have a good night, and go home the next day. She hasnt spoken to me since.

But my MOH comes to me today and lets me that she wouldnt be surprised if she didnt show up the day of, and of course I ask why? Well, she pulls out her phone and shows me text messages from Miss bridesmaid, who I now fondly call Miss coward.

They were in these topic areas. 1.) She only asked me to be in the wedding because she liked the bachlorette party I threw my other friend. 2.) I dont even know why she asked me to begin with we havent been that close lately 3.) Im going to have to leave the wedding early because my son has a baseball came at 6pm (he is in tball) 4.) I dont understand why she even brings up so so (her boyfriend of 6 years) thats in the past.

A little background on number 5. We all worked together, me, her, and her boyfriend. Me and her boyfriend dated for a little while but he said he didnt want a relationship, just friend....okay sure. He says he cares about her, she says she likes him, i tell them to go for it. Boom end of story. I told my MOH we just dated for awhile before they did.

Can we say that I was hurt? I asked her because I had known her for so long and I considered her one of my close friends. If you didnt want to be in my wedding why did you say yes!?!?! Thats the message im getting.

I have her dress and shoes, and i paid for the shoes. I have tried talking to her with no response. My wedding is two weeks out, and a friend of mine has gone above and beyond for me for this wedding she isnt even in. She fits in the dress and honestly, Id rather have her up there instead of Miss Coward two face.

Is it completely wrong if she doesnt speak to me, and doesnt show up, that I have my friend stand up there with me? Of course I would compensate her for the dress, but it really seems she is trying to back out at the last minute and the way she is, she will just avoid speaking to me to get out of it, thats just how she is.

If this were your situation what would you do?

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Re: Bridesmaid with issues.

  • bongebonge member
    100 Comments
    do not replace her but do not pay for the dress either. just drop it off on her doorstep or something. 
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  • Don't replace her with your other friend who happens to fit the dress.   Give your other helpful friend a nice gift and a thank you note.

    that's all I've got.
  • erolliserollis member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-with-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:154580aa-1eec-457c-aa68-7284b6130664Post:2b46fb70-feea-4530-8d64-a95921752bfc">Re: Bridesmaid with issues.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't replace her with your other friend who happens to fit the dress.   Give your other helpful friend a nice gift and a thank you note. 
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This. </div><div>
    </div><div>Focus on on the positive no matter how hard it is with this girls drama. You are getting married and have a bunch of wonderful friends. 

    </div>
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I firmly believe that only those who love and support you should be at your wedding -yes, I know it goes against etiquette, etc....so if you don't want her to stand with you, then don't give her the dress (reimburse her for it though). If she doesn't want to talk things out then don't bother trying to contact her. This may pass over as something that happened in the heat of the moment. However, I don't think I could have someone stand with me who said things like that. Don't replace her, don't name her in the program (if those aren't done already), and have the one friend do a reading or something like that if you want her to be a part of the ceremony. As a PP said, honor your friend with a heartfelt thank you and small gift also if you want!
  • Is this the same MOH that tried to get your teenage FSIL kicked out of your wedding party?

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_two-problemsits-long-sorry

    Now she is reporting to you about the other bm. I think I  know who the troublemake is in this situation. Don't let your MOH drag you into another ridiculous drama.
                       
  • Yes, same MOH. She showed me because she kept saying she wouldnt be surprised if she didnt show up day of, and I didnt believe her. Yup, my over 30 MOH is acting like a brat for sure. In a way im glad she showed me, but in a way im not. 

    My bridesmaid on the other hand still hasnt replied to me whatsoever. She has time to post bs on facebook, but cant reply to my facebook message, text, or voicemail. Even if i just say Hi in a text, still nothing. She even said Saturday I didnt do anything wrong, but she just couldnt handle being around MOH. The more time that passes the more it just iritates me, but I think once next week is over, and family starts coming in to town I wont care very much. 
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  • It sucks that your friends are being so immature, but the only course of action you can take that won't make you look bad is to just ignore it.  If she shows up on the wedding day, then she shows up.  If she doesn't, then you can give her the dress after and that's it. 

    DO NOT replace her, that'll make you look like the crazy person in this situation that you kicked someone out of your WP because of drama with the MOH, and then make the 'replacement' feel like the last kid that no one likes to get picked on the dodgeball team. 
    Anniversary
  • You should do what the others have advised. Don't get involved with their argument, drop the dress off at your friends house as if nothing has happened. You don't know what led to the text messages that the MOH showed you. Unless your bm says something to you directly, disregard it.

    Did everything work out with your FSIL?
                       
  • I'm not mad anymore. I think that was just the little something that broke me momentarily cause we had so much we had to do still. She chopped it off but it is okay. I wish I was on the computer and I could post a picture so I could get suggestions on how to put some body into it so it isn't just straight.
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  • I'm pretty sure it's my pictures and she told me I could do her hair however I wanted.
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  • Geez, here it goes with lashing out again. She doesnt know how to style her hair whatsoever except to straighten it. She told me she didnt want it to be just straight, and neither did I. So I'm playing with her hair to see what I can do with it. 

    Not everything someone puts has attitude in it. Just a simple statement. It IS my pictures, and I want them a certain way, they arent yours. You did yours the way you preferred, and this is how I want mine done. and THIS post has nothing to do with something I did. This bridesmaid has taken herself out of the picture as far as I was concerned. I just wanted advice on what to do with my empty spot, and seeing as I have a friend who has done way more than she needed to I wanted her up there, but I dont want to hurt her feelings by asking her. Thats what THIS post is about. Not everyone has well behaved maids. 
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  • I'm trying to tell you that your MOH sounds like a troublemaker and you shouldn't make decisions based on anything she says. She tried to throw your FSIL out of the wedding and now, she is trying to get rid of the other bm. You don't know what she might have said to the bm  to result in the text messages she sent to her, not you. Until that bm tells you, herself, that she is dropping out of your wedding, assume that she is still in.

                       
  • Oh, Im assuming she is still in it until day of. If she shows up I will be really shocked. Because Monday I asked her straight out in a text (because I knew she may have been working) that I understand if she is upset with the whole situation, but I needed to know if she was going to be able to stand with me on my day because she couldnt handle my MOH. Its all incredibly stupid and if she doesnt show Ill be really hurt, but Ill know who my friends are.
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  • I wouldn't want to be in a wedding where someone was trying to tell me what to do with my hair, either.  My hair is very uncooperative and I feel ridiculous when I'm stuck with a hairstyle that doesn't work for my head.  You'd better believe that a bridesmaid who's grumpy because of stupid hair will look a lot worse in your pictures than a comfortable bridesmaid without the mandated coiffure.

    I can't remember how my bridesmaids did their hair, to be honest.  (When one of them tried to get me to choose a style for her because, "Well, it's your wedding," my response was "And it's your head, nut up and pick something.")  Because, wanna know a secret?  I can't remember the last time I looked at my wedding pictures.  I looked at them frequently for a few months after the wedding, and then... not so much.  I don't think I actually know where our wedding album even is since we moved.  And judging from my other married friends, that's pretty much standard.  What I do have is friends and family who are still talking to me because I didn't piss them off over a 4 hour party.

    None of this petty stuff will matter even one solitary day after the wedding, let alone years down the line.  If one of your friends can't put the pettiness past her, that's on her.  Don't drop to her level.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • OMG the drama.... your wedding do what you want. Their hair do what they want. Pretty simple if ya ask me.
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