2 cousin BM bail out bc of dress

Mariazap19

Four months until my wedding and my two cousins are bailing on being my bridesmaids bc they do not like they dress! Just need to vent! they along with my aunt have bashed the dress I have choosen from top to bottom! Showed up at centereach bridal suite 2 times caused a scene according to the employees. Told me they love me so much they dont want the pictures that will last forever to look horrible, and they will if I pick the dress. So I finally show up and meet them at the store where they continue to try and get me to change the dress and make me feel like I picked the worst dress in the world! Meanwhile all 4 other girls ordered and they were holding the order bc of them and about to be charged a rush fee. Start complaing that I want everyone to get there hair and makeup done together the day of the wedding and end up telling me "no hard feelings" we dont want to be in wedding and leave! They have upset the whole family! I just cant believe this!! The dress is belsoie L3062... Any thoughts?

LauraChristin

I'm guessing they don't want to be in the bridal party because their opinions are going unheard. I don't think it's unreasonable that they wear a dress they don't hate and have a say in whether they would like to have their hair and makeup done or not. I'm sorry you're upset but I see their point.

vsgal

So what do they not like about the dress?  Does it show something that they are uncomfortable with?  It is a money issue?  Do they not like the style or color? Give them a color and fabric and last day to order and let them pick something out if you want them in the wedding.  If that is not what you want, graciously let them leave the party and don't hold a grudge.   Let the other girls order their dresses so they come in time.  This is not the end of the world.  Losing family is not worth a dress.  

 As far as hair/makeup, let them do their own.  If you are requiring them to get it done professionally with you, then you need to pay for it.  This goes for the entire wedding party.

Mariazap19

Thats the thing I listened to there opinions made sure there was a strap on the dress and made sure it was light enough for the summer so no one would sweat. I told them they could do there own hair if they really wanted to but just said I would like them there so that they would be in pictures. They didnt like the "ruching" in the dress. Its basically impossible to get 6 girls to agree and they would never in a milion years let any one have any say in what they choose for there wedding! I was even going to let them choose another dress in the same color if they hated it so much but they said that would look ridiculous also... So basically they just dont want to be in my wedding party

Mariazap19

No specific reasons were given except they didnt like adding a sash which I decided not to do for them. They live at home with their parents, they are 18 and 25. They make more money than I do and there mom was going to pay for everything. The dress was $159 they usually buy dresses from a local trendy shop for $400 and brag about it! I think the just wanted something skin tight because thats what they were showing me to use instead but they werent even options bc they did not come in the color I am using for my wedding. I also needed to use this certain designer bc one of the BM is 12 and they make all there regular dresses in junior sizes.

TiffannieF

IMHO I would wear just about anything for somebody I love.  So I think these 2 girls are being a bit dramatic...

So this sucks.  Do NOT 'replace' them.  And who knows, things might cool down and once they realize you are not going to change the dress they might change their mind.

Also, I wouldn't like a bride wanting me to get my hair down altogether.  My hair takes a long time and I only trust my stylist to do my hair and I know she wouldn't travel to a ceremony site with out an additional fee, so I wouldn't want that.  And above all I wouldn't trust anybody with my make up either.  If you are not requiring them to do their hair/make up that's fine but I could see why they would complain if you had insisted on it.

Their finances are none of your business so you shouldn't bring that up, its completely irrelevant.

Is this the dress?


I like it.

And DB makes jr bridesmaids dresses...

OliveOilsMom

I think the dress is pretty and also a basic shilouette.  I've purchased BM dresses that I didn't like at all and they were well above $159!  So just let this go.  Its not worth ruining family relations over this issue.  And do not replace your cousins, just have uneven sides, if that is the case. 

And even though your cousins spend $400 on dresses normally, you can't tell people how to spend their money.  As long as if the dress you picked was within their budget, there was nothing more that you could do.  Just send them invitations and let them attend as guests.  They will look like the bad ones in this since they left the WP, not you. . .

Mariazap19

Thanks!! Your right... Just have to move forward. Still upset they wont be a part of the celebration they mean a lot to me and they are my only female cousins but it is what it is!! Thanks again!! : )

LoveMuffins

I agree with OliveOilsMom. You picked a dress, they decided they didn't want to wear it, that takes them out of the WP. You did nothing wrong. If you're ok with not having them in the WP then I would just shrug my shoulders, move on, tell them you hope they can still make it as guests and bless your lucky stars these two drama queens won't be in your WP!

vsgal

Yeah, given the additional information, I would just move on.  This is not worth the stress.  They have taken themselves out of the wedding, so all you can do at this point is continue on with who you have.  It sounds like everyone else is good with the choice. Don't dwell on it. 

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_2-cousin-bm-bail-out-bc-of-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:190d13bf-73d9-4c5f-bd57-4f0ef52ae246Post:a4f80b68-a76c-47a9-a767-dd36260fa863">Re: 2 cousin BM bail out bc of dress</a>:
[QUOTE]No specific reasons were given except they didnt like adding a sash which I decided not to do for them. They live at home with their parents, they are 18 and 25. They make more money than I do and there mom was going to pay for everything. The dress was $159 they usually buy dresses from a local trendy shop for $400 and brag about it! I think the just wanted something skin tight because thats what they were showing me to use instead but they werent even options bc they did not come in the color I am using for my wedding. I also needed to use this certain designer bc one of the BM is 12 and they make all there regular dresses in junior sizes.
Posted by Mariazap19[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This leads me to believe that you didn't ask them about budget, but instead made assumptions about their budgets and ran with it.  That's not fair.  If they really are complaining about the dress because they don't want to spend that much on a one time use dress, you would be in the wrong.  </div><div>
</div><div>If you've given them the option to select another dress and they've turned you down, then it's on them.  

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Mariazap19

They were picking out dresses much more expensivethen $159 that I had to turn them down because the Cost was way too high for the other BM