No MOH now. What to do?

LincolnElizabethH

My MOH has been having some personal issues for the last year. Along the way I have tried to be there for her and support her in any way she needs. We haven't seen much of each other since the summer because she says I stress her out. So I have backed off to try and let her deal with things. I told her not to worry about a shower or bachlorette party, as I do not need those things. All I wanted was for her to be there on my day. Today we got into an argument. She proceeded to tell me she does not want to be in my wedding because it is stressing her out and she said some very hurtful things to me. This was unfortunately via text message, and I found out she was copying all of the text messages I was sending her and she was sending them to a mutual friend. I told her that it really hurt my feelings and that if she did not want to be my MOH that was fine, and that she would not be invited to the wedding. I feel it would be too painful for me to see her sitting with my guests when she should have been party of my WP. I have 3 other bridesmaids, 2 friends and my sister. My question is, do I replace her as MOH with one of the other bridesmaids or do I just not have a MOH?

AdeleDazeem

I'm sorry about your friend.  If she's as stressed out as she says, she's probably not thinking well and making poor decisions (like saying hurtful things to you).  That doesn't absolve her, but maybe it helps you understand.  She also could just be mean - I dunno!

Regardless, I wouldn't replace her.  Just go with no MOH.  Anyone can be the witness/sign the license, hold the rings, stand closest to you, etc.  No worries.

I would probably still send her an invitation to the wedding and try to keep the communication lines open if you still want her as a friend in the future.  Obviously there would have to be apologies, etc... but I always try to be the bigger person.

Good luck!

Blue_Bird

To replace her would be as hurtful to the replacement as it would to her. If you don't want to end the friendship, I suggest you send her an invitation.

[Deleted User]

I agree with MOH, don't give someone else the title, just have bridemaids. I say see how things are when it's time to send out invites. After some time your feelings about inviting her may change. But to me it kind of sounds like your friendship may be over & it's time to move on and eliminate the stress and negative energy she brings to your life.

AddieCake

Send her an invitation. I'm sure you don't want to ruin a friendship over this. 

Jen4948

Invite her but don't replace her.

JaxInBlue

If your profile is correct, you have a little under 11 months until your wedding.  If that's true, I wouldn't make any final decisions now.  Take ownership of your part in the last conversation, decide whether or not the friendship can and should be salvaged, and, if so, get back to being friends outside of the context of bridal parties and wedding plans.

In 9 months, when you send invitations, make your decision about whether or not to include her based on the quality of your friendship at that time.

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_no-moh-now-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1b91d4e5-6e91-49f8-8775-62064bbdcaaaPost:f5131915-41fb-4af8-9d89-086e5759ae38">No MOH now. What to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH has been having some personal issues for the last year. Along the way I have tried to be there for her and support her in any way she needs. We haven't seen much of each other since the summer because <strong>she says I stress her out</strong>. So I have backed off to try and let her deal with things. I told her not to worry about a shower or bachlorette party, as I do not need those things. All I wanted was for her to be there on my day. Today we got into an argument. <strong>She proceeded to tell me she does not want to be in my wedding because it is stressing her out </strong>and she said some very hurtful things to me. This was unfortunately via text message, and I found out she was copying all of the text messages I was sending her and she was sending them to a mutual friend. I told her that it really hurt my feelings and that if she did not want to be my MOH that was fine, and that she would not be invited to the wedding. I feel it would be too painful for me to see her sitting with my guests when she should have been party of my WP. I have 3 other bridesmaids, 2 friends and my sister. My question is, do I replace her as MOH with one of the other bridesmaids or do I just not have a MOH?
Posted by jennifervola[/QUOTE]

I feel like there's more to this story.  What are you doing that's stressing her out?

LincolnElizabethH

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_no-moh-now-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1b91d4e5-6e91-49f8-8775-62064bbdcaaaPost:3697b904-46db-4d89-ad3b-f36f9d1b8c43">Re: No MOH now. What to do?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to No MOH now. What to do? : I feel like there's more to this story.  What are you doing that's stressing her out?
Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

She says I stress her out when I ask about how things are going at work, or ask how a therapist appointment went, or if I try to offer her advice on things. I try to understand that she needs space but maybe I can be overbearing sometimes. And yes, there is so much more to this story, but it's a long story.

For now, I will leave her be and then send her an invite in September and hope that she comes to the wedding.