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Wedding Party

Sister Problems.

This is really complicated so just bear with me. My wedding is still a while away, but I'm still having an issue with trying to figure out if/how to incorporate sisters into the bridal party. I have one sister (Kelsey), younger than me by two years, with whom I have never gotten along, and a sister-in-law (Sara), who is nine years older than me, but we are very close. My fiance has 4 sisters; a twin (Kristen), and the rest are older by seven (Emily), nine (Diane) and eleven (Carrie) years. Carrie is married with three children and the Diane is engaged and will be married before us.
The problem is, ideally I would like to have a small wedding party, and my best friend is my non-negotiable MOH, and I have a male friend who will be on my side, and potentially another close friend as well. That is three already and I would love to keep it to 5 or less on my side, as my fiance has decided on three groomsmen and a BM, but there are six sisters in the picture that I have to contend with (family is very important to my fiance). My fiance is not especially close with Carrie because of the age difference and he and Emily have very different personalities, and Kristen and I have not gotten along very well even before I started dating her brother. Kelsey and I have been at odds since the day she was born, so in my mind that leaves Sara and Diane, however, I am afraid that asking one or two sisters and not the others will lead to hurt feelings and that is something I need to avoid. A friend suggested I ask the unmarried sisters, since bridesmaids are traditionally unmarried anyway, but I know that having both Kristen and Kelsey there would lead to all kinds of drama and stress that I will not be able to handle (Emily is a lovely person, he's just not the favorite sister of the fiance, Diane is).
I don't know the best way to handle this. I'm not a confrontational person, and I'm not sure if it's better to just include Kelsey and Kristen to make everyone happy or leave them out because I'd rather not go on a homicidal rampage in the middle of my reception (I hear it's just impossible to get bloodstains out of silk). Any advice?

Re: Sister Problems.

  • I definitely wouldn't base your decision on who is or is not married....seems antiquated and impractical.  Does anyone on either side of your family really expect you to include all six sisters in the wedding party?  From an outside perspective it seems fine for you to just ask one or two rather than everyone....but only you and your fiancee know how much family discord this will cause.  Tough situation....ideally everyone would just respect you and your fiancee's decisions but obviously it doesn't always pan out that way.....Good luck!
  • Can't he just have his sister's on his side?

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1e0e4249-a9d9-4642-aa77-cb22aad254f2Post:716c8a28-15ec-450c-adcd-24aaf709b866">Sister Problems.</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is really complicated so just bear with me. My wedding is still a while away, but I'm still having an issue with trying to figure out if/how to incorporate sisters into the bridal party. I have one sister (Kelsey), younger than me by two years, with whom I have never gotten along, and a sister-in-law (Sara), who is nine years older than me, but we are very close. My fiance has 4 sisters; a twin (Kristen), and the rest are older by seven (Emily), nine (Diane) and eleven (Carrie) years. Carrie is married with three children and the Diane is engaged and will be married before us. The problem is, ideally I would like to have a small wedding party, and my best friend is my non-negotiable MOH, and I have a male friend who will be on my side, and potentially another close friend as well. That is three already and I would love to keep it to 5 or less on my side, as my fiance has decided on three groomsmen and a BM, but there are six sisters in the picture that I have to contend with (family is very important to my fiance). My fiance is not especially close with Carrie because of the age difference and he and Emily have very different personalities, and Kristen and I have not gotten along very well even before I started dating her brother. Kelsey and I have been at odds since the day she was born, so in my mind that leaves Sara and Diane, however, I am afraid that asking one or two sisters and not the others will lead to hurt feelings and that is something I need to avoid. A friend suggested I ask the unmarried sisters, since bridesmaids are traditionally unmarried anyway, but I know that having both Kristen and Kelsey there would lead to all kinds of drama and stress that I will not be able to handle (Emily is a lovely person, he's just not the favorite sister of the fiance, Diane is). I don't know the best way to handle this. I'm not a confrontational person, and I'm not sure if it's better to just include Kelsey and Kristen to make everyone happy or leave them out because I'd rather not go on a homicidal rampage in the middle of my reception (I hear it's just impossible to get bloodstains out of silk). Any advice?
    Posted by msmelodypond[/QUOTE]
    If family is important to him, let him decide whether he wants them as his attendants or not.  The decision doesn't default to you just because you all have vaginas, and if DH had dropped a boatload of his family's drama on me and expected me to be the one to sort it out, we probably wouldn't have made it down the aisle.  If he ends up with a massive group on his side, that's fine.<div>
    </div><div>Every one of my attendants was married.  I don't see how that's relevant.</div>
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I wouldn't ask any of his sisters - it's hard to have one and not all, regardless of your rational reasons for it.  There are other ways to include them if this is something important to you (readings, ect).  Just ask those who are closest to you to be in your bridal party - remember, it is an honor to be at a sibling's wedding, bridal party or not.

    Good luck!
  • Ditto mbrischoux. Don't ask any of his sisters. There are other ways to include them without making them bridesmaids. My brother is getting married next month and he included niether me or my other brother in the wedding. I'm doing a reading and the other brother is an usher. No drama. 
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  • Don't ask anyone until you're 6-9 months out; relationships change and you don't want to be one of the people on here complaining about BMs that they're no longer friends with. 

    Don't ask his sisters to be on your side.  If it's that important to your FI that they be in the WP, have them be on his side.  There are other honor things they could do at the wedding - a reading or singing a piece (if they have that talent and you'd like them to) or just being a guest.  You should pick who you want to have up there with you, and it shouldn't depend on who's married or unmarried or who will help the most with planning - it's your nearest and dearest.  Good luck!

  • I had a similar dilemna. Are any family members going to be groomsmen? If not, you could select a few more friends to balance it out and exclude all family? 
  • I would ask the sisters you BOTH choose to be in your bridal party and then the other ones I would ask them to do a reading at the wedding.  If  I was 11 years older than my brother I wouldn't mind if he asked my children to be in the wedding instead of me.  However I may be different because I do have three sisters.  My FI is only having one BM and two groomsman.  I do not care if sides are even.  I will  have all of my sisters and I have also asked my best friend since college and another one of my close friends.  No need to start off on the wrong foot with his family.  It is only one day.
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  • If you're only close with one of his sisters, don't feel bad about asking just one (unless you're positive it will cause drama). My FI has 5 sisters and I only asked one of his sisters to be a BM and she's 10 years younger than me (the others are closer to my age). I asked her because we are extremely close and she's really one of my best friends now. As PPs have suggested, if you're afraid of leaving people out, have your FI ask some to stand on his side or just ask them to do readings. And definitely wait until you're closer to your wedding date to ask. 
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  • Thanks gals. I know some of you suggested having his sisters on his side, and while I'm all for that, he's more of a traditionalist. He wasn't crazy about the idea of me having color details in my dress or a guy on my side of the aisle. But maybe the best solution is to exclude all the sisters from the WP and include them in the wedding in other ways.
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