Very pregnant bridesmaid... need advice!

rosecr

Hi!  A little background info on our situation...

My fiance and I are getting married on 7-31-10.  We haven't purchased bridesmaid dresses yet, but we've picked them out.  Our wedding party consists of 2 MOHs and 4 BMs and 1 Best Man and 4 Groomsmen. 

One of my BMs just found out she's pregnant and is due on our wedding--literally.  My family thinks I should ask her to step down in fear of her physical well being and also so I won't be stressed if something should happen right before or on our wedding.  I would feel horrible asking her to step down to be a personal attendant since I was one of her MOHs though.  

I have had some issues with her as a friend in the past, so I think that's also why my family is a little easier to jump on having her step down.  She moved her wedding up a year to "have hers before mine so she wouldn't be the last to get married and have kids".  That sounds ridiculous, but her mom told me that right before her wedding.  Obviously you can tell her mom was against the wedding, but that wasn't the first time I'd heard that.  Her husband told my fiance that too.  They got married a month ago though.  Long story short, we've had our ups and downs.  I have no idea what to do.  If anyone reading this is pregnant, would you be ok being in a wedding that far along? 

Help!  Thanks! 

bablingbrooke

Did you not read the blurb at the top of the page?  It's not okay to fire a pregnant BM!

If you're good friends, good enough that you asked her to be a BM, say nothing and leave the ball in her court.  She will tell you whether she can do it.  She can stand up as a BM while pregnant; a friend of mine from HS was recently MOH in a wedding while 8 months pregnant with twins!  She delivered two weeks later.  You aren't an invalid if you get pregnant.  She can also step down if she feels it's best. 

Dont' ask anyone to be personal attendant.  It's a crap job that no one wants.

Your FI and family are well-intentioned here but ultimately it would be a bad idea. 

No one, anywhere, ever should be stressed about a pregnant BM not being able to make the wedding.  Anyone with a decent perspective around that time would be happy for the friend and realize there are bigger and more important things going on in the BM's life.  Don't lose sight of that.  

mbcdefg

She an adult and can decide for herself if being in your wedding is too much for her. So unless she comes to you and tells you that she's out, don't say or do anything to make her think that she must step down. That would be a HUGE insult to her. The people telling you to kick her out are very, very wrong.

Unless she says otherwise, assume that she's still in the wedding, and let her get a maternity dress in your wedding color, don't make her wear heels and when you're making ceremony plans be sure that there's a chair up front for her.

And there's no such thing as "asking her to step down," because, face it, you would be kicking her out. "Asking her to step down" is just a way of sugar-coating it so that the bride doesn't sound wrong, even though she still is, so using a nice or cutesy saying isn't going to justify the action if it's wrong. You can't polish a turd.

bablingbrooke

Plus your "personal attendant option" doesn't make sense under the circumstances since personal attendant is a more labor-intensive job than BM.  BM just has to stand there and look pretty. PA has to attend to your every beck and call, which is why you should never foist that job on a close friend.  If you're truly concerned about her, you would have her be BM because it's less work for her.

rosecr

Thanks!  I figured I was right on this one, just wanted to be sure I wasn't nuts.

bablingbrooke

Not crazy at all!

gottahavashorti

Glad to see that this is your family's issue rather than your issue.  Tell your family that you want her in the wedding.  If she doesn't feel up to it, she is a grown woman and can make that decision.

Have a chair for her in the front row in case she needs to sit down during the ceremony.  Be prepared to have a pregnant bridesmaid, a bridesmaid with a newborn, or a bridesmaid who is delivering/waiting to be discharged from the hospital

LarissaAnn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_very-pregnant-bridesmaid-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2063e5da-a4ac-42db-8c93-82d18a5b7e82Post:fb7ded96-8fa2-4ea4-925a-edb48ab621eb">Re: Very pregnant bridesmaid... need advice!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks!  I figured I was right on this one, just wanted to be sure I wasn't nuts.
Posted by rosecr[/QUOTE]

<div>Well... you may be nuts, but not with regard to *this* issue!  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /></div>

rosecr

I am going to have a back up plan for sure, but I'm not going to worry about it.  My family can deal with it.  After all, it's not their wedding or their friend.  Thanks everyone!

mbcdefg

What's the backup plan, out of curiosity?

rosecr

Probably have one of my two sisters (2 MOHs) walk with my nephew and one with the Best Man instead of having a guy walk alone.  Right now it's planned for both sisters to walk with my fiance's brother, the Best Man.  If my BM is there, I'll have her walk with her husband and have a chair there for her. 

nuremenosh

Pregnancy is not a debilitating disease. For the past few hundred thousand years, women have continued to go about their normal lives with only slight modifications. Most women I know work their full time jobs until they actually give birth and continue to grocery shop, run errands, drive cars, and even exercise. Barring a high risk pregnancy which requires bed rest, she should still be able to stand up at your wedding unless she's in labor.

Don't kick her out, or assume she won't come to your bachlorette. (This was assumed about one of my friends and her feelings were quite hurt (not only did she come she stayed up later than the bride and danced onstage to Papa Don't Preach))

mbcdefg

Sounds like a good plan! (I was afraid you were going to say something like "I'll just get a replacement bridesmaid," lol.) 

Good luck, and best wishes to your BM!

aerinpegadrak

Pregnancy isn't a disability.  My sister continued to work as an ER nurse until a couple of weeks before her delivery.  It's likely that the most she'll need is a maternity dress and a place to sit if necessary during the ceremony.  Your family's fears are groundless.

And mbc, the Mythbusters proved that you actually can polish a turd.