Wedding Party
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Do I NEED a wedding party?

Sorry if this question has been posted a zillion times, but is it necessary? I've been to a wedding with no wedding party, but it was VERY casual- at a house, potluck dinner, etc.

We're having a pretty small wedding that we're just in the early stages of planning.  We don't have a ton of friends that we're super-super close with.  My best friend (a guy) just moved across the country and is up to his neck in his PhD thesis, so probably won't be too available to help with hands-on planning. Getting his advice on things, sure. My relationship with my best (female) friend seems to be fizzling out (no ill feelings, just losing touch), she's not very into weddings, and she doesn't have a ton of money.  We also have very different work schedules and have a hard time getting together.  I asked her if she could help me with planning and some DIY stuff, and she said she'd be happy to help. I'd also like her to come with me to pick out my dress, along with my mom. 

I just don't know if it would be too much pressure on them to be official members of a wedding party, and all that comes along with it.  I don't know if I NEED a wedding party either.  Am I going to be totally overwhelmed without a MOH? Can I just have people who help with planning, and handing out favors, etc without giving them an official title? Am I crazy? 

Another thing to note is that I'm still coming to terms with having a day that'll be SO MUCH about me, my fiance and our relationship. 

Thanks in advance!

Re: Do I NEED a wedding party?

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    I really only read the title of your post, but my immedate response to your question is no, you don't need a WP.

    My sister didn't have one, and I thought her wedding was beautiful and having just the two of them in the front of the church was very romantic.  Had I not already been married, I would have strongly considered it.

    I think she may have handed her flowers to my mom to hold during the ceremony, and our mom and my BIL's dad signed their license as their witnesses.

    Go with your instinct.  You'll be happy you did.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    edited October 2010
    Hmm...good things to think about.  I'm still learning the etiquette and traditions of weddings- haven't been to that many.

    Well, if the idea of honoring them is the main point of a wedding party, then I'm starting to think I should have them as a wedding party.  These two friends and I went to high school together, and know each other's family, etc.  I guess I just didn't want them to feel pressured to do the whole sha-bang of the bridal shower, bachelorette party, spa days, omgg.

    And It's not so much that I'm looking for a "free planner", but they know me well and I value their opinions.  So kind of "I'm think X for favors- yay or nay?", but not like "Hey, call around different vendors for me and get quotes for me, kthxbi" 

    BUT I was hoping my friend could help me with a DIY project or two because she is quite crafty and does some event planning at work.  She didn't seem offended.  I don't have a budget for a wedding planner, and I figured these are projects the two of us could do together along with a bottle of wine or two, as an excuse to see each other more often than we do now.  I don't feel like that is taking advantage of anything. 
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    No, a WP is not necessary.
    You mentioned that your friends don't have much money. It doesn't take a lot of money to be in a wedding. Look for inexpensive dresses and let them use shoes they already have. And BMs don't "have" to participate in the showers, parties, etc. That is a gift they give, not a requirement. If you want to have a WP but aren't sure of what your friends can handle, all that is really required is for them to get the outfit and show up. The rest is really up to them.
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    No, a wedding party is not required. Anyone 18+ can sign as your witness.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:23ee81f3-6865-4d5e-859f-db5b5ebf6df8Post:ed05ac01-c418-472e-abbe-f605bb6ffc23">Re: Do I NEED a wedding party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I just didn't want them to feel pressured to do the whole sha-bang of the bridal shower, bachelorette party, spa days, omgg.
    Posted by PhillyRedHead[/QUOTE]

    If you want a wedding party, just ask your closest friend(s) to stand for you, and make it clear that that's all you expect from them. If they decide to do more than that, then that's their choice.

    If you're concerned about their budgets, ask guys to wear suits they already own, and ask girls to just pick a dress in a specific color.


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:23ee81f3-6865-4d5e-859f-db5b5ebf6df8Post:ed05ac01-c418-472e-abbe-f605bb6ffc23">Re: Do I NEED a wedding party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]And It's not so much that I'm looking for a "free planner", but they know me well and I value their opinions.  So kind of "I'm think X for favors- yay or nay?", but not like "Hey, call around different vendors for me and get quotes for me, kthxbi"  BUT I was hoping my friend could help me with a DIY project or two because she is quite crafty and does some event planning at work.  She didn't seem offended.  I don't have a budget for a wedding planner, and I figured these are projects the two of us could do together along with a bottle of wine or two, as an excuse to see each other more often than we do now.  I don't feel like that is taking advantage of anything. 
    Posted by PhillyRedHead[/QUOTE]

    It's absolutely fine to politely ask your friends to help out. They needn't be in your bridal party to help, and you do not need to make them a bridesmaid/groomsman (or a bridesman/bride's attendant, in your guy friend's case) to reward them for their help.

    Anyone who wants to help will volunteer on their own, or they'll agree to help if you politely ask them. Thanking them with some wine or treating them to dinner is a nice idea.
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    One of my friends didn't spend a dime to be in my wedding (beyond the travel costs which she would have incurred as just a guest).  The only thing I required as far as attire was a black dress.  She already owned something suitable, and wore her own shoes and jewelry  I paid for everyone's hair, and she did her own makeup.  Since everyone was so scattered around the country, I didn't have a shower or bachelorette.

    Being in a wedding doesn't have to be super expensive for them, you just need to be a bit flexible and a bit creative.  And ditto malphabet that anyone who wants to help, will, and anyone who doesn't want to help (or isn't able) won't, regardless of title or lack thereof.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    No, you don't need a wedding party at all.  Our photographer (whom I've known for years) told us about one of the most memorable weddings he photographed -- just the couple in their condo, their bird and the minister.
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