"Un-asking" a bridesmaid

runkld01

Ok- I need to know if it is ok to relieve a bridesmaid of her position.  One of my bridesmaids and I used to be close, or at least I thought we were...but now it seems like we're just aquaintences.  We also recently got into an argument...and even though that issue has been resolved, I don't think we're close enough friends anymore to have her be a big part of our wedding.  Is it ok to politely explain to her that because we don't share the friendship we used to have (and frankly I don't think it ever will be the same again) that I would like her to step down?  Or is there a better way to put it?

P.S.- I'm not asking her to not be a bridesmaid because of the argument- just to make that clear. 

CA2MT4EveR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_un-asking-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:244f6a9b-bb35-49fa-b183-c4e3c0cb4ddfPost:c0590a1c-fb6e-4a95-b34f-be36a58740e7">"Un-asking" a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok- I need to know if it is ok to relieve a bridesmaid of her position.  One of my bridesmaids and I used to be close, or at least I thought we were...but now it seems like we're just aquaintences.  We also recently got into an argument...and even though that issue has been resolved, I don't think we're close enough friends anymore to have her be a big part of our wedding.  Is it ok to politely explain to her that because we don't share the friendship we used to have (and frankly I don't think it ever will be the same again) that I would like her to step down?  Or is there a better way to put it? P.S.- I'm not asking her to not be a bridesmaid because of the argument- just to make that clear. 
Posted by runkld01[/QUOTE]

If you never want any sort of relationship with her in the future, you can boot her.  But know that if you do, your friendship is over.  How do you know the wedding wont bring you guys closer to what you were before? 

There are far too many posts on here about this same subject on here.  It's pretty much the old "indian giving" thing you were taught about as a child.  You can't give someone something, then take it back and pretend like you never gave it to them in the first place.  There will be hurt feelings and resentment there.

ETA:  It's really not "relieving" either, it is kicking her out.  Relieving would be if she had a family issue, could not afford the trip,  or had some other unique circumstance to where she could not attend.

ETA2: You have over a year until your wedding.  You should not have asked any BP member until end of summer at the earliest. That is why you have these issues.

suz62984

NO - unless she tries to kill you or your FI - NO.

If you want her out than end your friendship and the wedding stuff will be understood. Kicking her out will end your friendship for good. It is very insulting and makes you look bitchy.

Also, is she or is she not a BM. Your post is confusing. If she isn't please don't have the "This is why you aren't good enough to be a BM" talk. That is also insulting and makes you look bitchy.

SarahPLiz

There is a very good reason that "unasking" is not in the dictionary. There is no such thing as unasking. Once something is said, it can't really ever be taken back. Words exist forever in the memories of others.

saisongbird

Wow, based on this post and your post on E, you really have no clue about wedding etiquette, do you?  Might wanna invest in a book on that topic.  And to answer a future question I'm sure we'll be hearing about, no, your bridesmaids are not here to plan your wedding for you.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_un-asking-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:244f6a9b-bb35-49fa-b183-c4e3c0cb4ddfPost:c0590a1c-fb6e-4a95-b34f-be36a58740e7">"Un-asking" a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok- I need to know if it is ok to relieve a bridesmaid of her position.  One of my bridesmaids and I used to be close, or at least I thought we were...but now it seems like we're just aquaintences.  We also recently got into an argument...and even though that issue has been resolved, I don't think we're close enough friends anymore to have her be a big part of our wedding.  Is it ok to politely explain to her that because we don't share the friendship we used to have (and frankly I don't think it ever will be the same again) that I would like <strong>her to step</strong> down?  Or is there a better way<strong> to put it</strong>? P.S.- I'm not asking her to not be a bridesmaid because of the argument- just to make that clear. 
Posted by runkld01[/QUOTE]

Ditto PPs.  And as I was skimming the post, I thought you were asking if it were ok to put her to sleep.  At which point, I thought to myself, "well, that's a little drastic..."

runkld01

ok- thanks to all...no need to reply further.  thanks again- good luck in your weddings.

emilyinchile

So you don't want to answer the question about how you found out then?

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_un-asking-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:244f6a9b-bb35-49fa-b183-c4e3c0cb4ddfPost:d9ed927e-5d3b-41c5-a77c-9cea389b9d02">Re: "Un-asking" a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]ok- thanks to all...no need to reply further.  thanks again- good luck in your weddings.
Posted by runkld01[/QUOTE]

Okay, but that's not how it works.  You put the question out on an internet forum.  Anyone is welcome to respond, at any time.

Your question is NOT unique.  It is asked at least once a day, often more than that.  People will continue to chime in, hoping that someone else might learn from the OP.