Uhoh...complicated Bridesmaids issues

KristinC11

I'm getting married in 6 months and I have all my bridesmaids and groomsmen picked out. Well I'm having problems with two of my bridesmaids (I have 5). One bridesmaid is/was a really good friend that I spoke to at least 3 times a week. Once she became my bridesmaid, she fell off the face of the earth!! I have not asked her, or anyone else for that matter, to do anything for me. She accepted her role knowing she would have to pay for her dress too; I didn't spring it on my girls or anything. Well I have called, emailed and text her (not compulsively of course) over the past 2 months and she just doesn't get back to me. I finally emailed her and told her I understand that she does not have the money for her dress and her life is apparently really busy right now. I told her I was fine with her stepping down and I would love for her to attend our wedding as a guest. Well for once, she emailed me back and said she would find the money and asked if there was anything she could help me with. I told her to let me know when she ordered her dress and that there was nothing she could do for me right now, but I appreciated her offer. Then I didn't hear from her/contact her for a week and a half. She text me last week and asked if there was anything she could help me with and I told her she could help me address some envelopes...Well she didn't respond, I didn't ask again and I haven't heard from her since. I want someone that I  can count on and I can't count on her. I gave her an out and she didn't take it. I'm 6 mths out and I need a real commitment. What do I do?

The second question I have is with my other bridesmaid. I really have a tricky sticky situation here...This girl offered to do my engagement photo and wedding makeup if I paid for more than half of her bridesmaid dress. Well I thought I was a little more financially stable for this and kinda agreed. Well she did my enagement photo makeup and it was alright. Not ugly but not my wedding day ideal...So I have honestly been trying to put money aside for part of her dress. It is really hard though when my fiance and I are paying for the wedding as well. I told my bm that we really couldn't afford to pay for her dress either. And she said "Whatever you want to do." Well it's not "whatever I want to do," it is more of "I don't have money and you don't have money for it." I could not get a straight answer/ conclusion from her. I don't feel right assuming she understands she is getting her dress paid for. Heck I feel bad I ever agreed to pay for half. Now what do I do???

HELP!

Stallmanj1

I know from experience that different people in different places take things differently.  Just because something is good etticate (sp... idk) doesn't mean that will be normal for someone you're working with. 

With my bridesmaids - we're all in or just graduated from college and were house-mates, so I had a better idea of what would offend or not offend.   In some of my experience, etticate did not make things easier but harder, because of how up-front my friends and I are.   The reason for etticate is to know how to avoid offending people, but if you know the people well enough, then you don't need our advice.

gottahavashorti

I'm going to step away from the "BM issues" because they've already been covered, but it sounds like you've chosen a dress that's too expensive for your BMs' budgets.  Can you find a dress that is half the cost or less, since it sounds like you can't cover the difference?

aerinpegadrak

Remember to look at your personal budget, too, when you're trying to come up with more money for certain wedding things.  You can save a lot of money by eating out less often, skipping your morning coffee, bringing your lunch to work, renting a movie instead of going to the theatre, etc. etc.  I found I was able to set aside a lot more than I initially thought for the wedding just by being extremely judicious about the other places I was spending money.