What to do?

ALFinMay

I am really concerned about one of my my bridesmaids.  When asked to be in the wedding she was in the beginning stages of planning her own wedding, to take place a month before mine, which i am also in her bridal party, and she was not pregnant.

I have seen some brides who don't want pregnant maids in the wedding because "it will make for bad photos", that is not my worry.  My worry is that not only are she and her fiance paying for their own wedding, with a child on the way.  But that the baby is due a week and a half before my wedding, and we all know that babies come when they want to come.  My concern is for her health, if the baby has not come by my wedding day the last thing i need is for her to be stressed out too or go into labor at my wedding.  She also has not yet purchased the bridesmaid dress, and I don't want her to spend the money on a dress that will probably be to big for her to wear ever again.

I want to keep her involved with everything, she is important to me and my fiance, but I want to ask her to step down, so that I can fill her spot now(I already have more guys than girls, and a guy on my side).  I still want to give her the gifts that i plan on giving the rest of the maids, and a small bouquet or corsage similar to that of the maids or the moms.  How to I express my concern to her? Did I mention that my wedding is in 90 days? HELP?!?! 

kimberlyann1974

 Just ask your friend if there is anything you can do to make sure she is more comfortable at the wedding. Let her know you're worried about her and don't want to stress her out. She's probably waiting on the dress because she doesn't know if she'll even be pregnant by the time your wedding comes around. I wouldn't replace her though, maybe make a spot in the front row for her to sit if she needs to. Make sure she is wearing comfortable shoes. If she does pop on your wedding day, well that sure would make for an interesting story down the line! I agree that it would be a sweet idea that in that event, to send her bouquet to her in the hospital. It sounds like you guys are good friends, and you would both want to be a part of your special day.

Good luck to the both of you!

dieknoop

I think you just need to be honest with her. Tell her your concern and ask her how she feels. She'll make the right decision for herself. If she goes in labour before the wedding, it's okay. Your numbers don't need to be the same.

I don't think you should ask someone to take her place, I think the replacement won't feel great about being "second best".

In the end you need to surround yourself with BM who supports you, will keep you calm and who you really want to be there. Don't just ask someone because you think it would look nice on photo's.

Oh and about that dress - she can have it tailored afterwards.

emilyinchile

Don't ask her to step down, and don't fill her spot if she does decide to do that.

I'm sure her pregnancy comes up in conversation, right? Next time it does, just say something about how you're excited and there for her throughout her pregnancy/birth of her baby (presumably you are). Make it clear that you get what a big thing this is without necessarily saying anything about your wedding, and hopefully if she feels like she can't be a BM she'll feel comfortable talking to you.

CTGirl30

Definately do not ask her to step down and don't "fill her spot". You asked the ppl closest to you as a way to honor them not to fill spots, right?

Let her call the shots with what she's comfortable with. One of my BMs will be 8 months preggo with twins (her first pregnancy) on my wedding date. We all know twins come early...who knows what could happen in 3 months - she could be on bed rest for all we know. We're playing it by ear - she bought the dress and has that ready to go just in case. I have her the option to get whatever dress she wanted (maternity, different style, anything - my main concern is her comfort). I let her know that she is welcome to sit in the front row if she prefers during the ceremony, if she's not comfortable standing for 25 minutes or so. Basically we're going with the flow and seeing how things shape up come late May. If she cannot make it, she'll still be listed in the program. I'm not "replacing" her - there's no need for that and I am not about to hurt her feelings - she is one of my dearest friends.

My advice is to not make assumptions - let your friend know that you're 100% willing to be flexible and accomodate her needs and that you'll work out the issues together if they arise.

krmabojo

Since she is due so close, I would honestly ask her how she feels about it. I am sure at that stage it starts is get uncomfortable. Say that you are concerned for her comfort and if she thinks she cannot, then you can have her help you elsewhere.