MOH not involving BM... HELP

lovebug215

So my sister is my MOH and got married 7 years ago. She did everything my mom wanted her to and now since I'm planning my wedding the way I want to do mine I think she is slightly jealous. So she wants to do the Bridal Shower herself. She just did the Engagement party for me, which i was so happy about. but she didnt let anyone help. Now my bridesmaids are asking me if they can help with the bridal shower which I told to my MOH and she says she's going to plan it with a friend of hers who i haven't even met. And she says that they would be better off planning the bachlorette party since she wants to do this by herself. I have 4 bridesmaids dying to help out with the party which i'm really happy about, and my MOH isn't going to let them. Even after I asked her to let them help and she said no. Should I just have the two Moms do the bridal party instead that way I know that everyone will have a chance to help out and plan the fun stuff of the party.....I mean isn't that partly why they are my bridesmaids?? HELP Me

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]So my sister is my MOH and got married 7 years ago. She did everything my mom wanted her to and now since I'm planning my wedding the way I want to do mine I think she is slightly jealous. So she wants to do the Bridal Shower herself. She just did the Engagement party for me, which i was so happy about. but she didnt let anyone help. Now my bridesmaids are asking me if they can help with the bridal shower which I told to my MOH and she says she's going to plan it with a friend of hers who i haven't even met. And she says that they would be better off planning the bachlorette party since she wants to do this by herself. I have 4 bridesmaids dying to help out with the party which i'm really happy about, and my MOH isn't going to let them. Even after I asked her to let them help and she said no. Should I just have the two Moms do the bridal party instead that way I know that everyone will have a chance to help out and plan the fun stuff of the party.....I mean isn't that partly why they are my bridesmaids?? HELP Me
Posted by lovebug215[/QUOTE]
Your sister can only plan your wedding if you let her.  If she's trying to force her wedding ideas on you or anything of that sort, don't talk to her about the wedding and change the subject if she brings it up.  Unless your sister is paying for the wedding, you can plan the wedding you and your FI want as long as you treat your guests correctly.

You cannot ask people to host  shower for you, so you can't have the moms do the bridal party instead.  Give your BMs your sister's contact information.  They can contact her directly to see if they can get involved.  If your sister is still unwilling to let them help, they also have the option of throwing a second shower if they'd like to do so.

Planning parties and helping with the wedding are not reasons they are your BMs, they should be your BMs because they are your closest friends who you can't imaging not standing next to you when you get married.  Their only duties are on the wedding day and end when the reception begins, but since they're your closest friends, BMs will often go beyond that and do things like plan parties.

Edit: Never mind on that first paragraph, I misread.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-not-involving-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:28ec0c91-3760-45d2-95d3-c98e0aff4615Post:e854e459-5289-4e53-bbe3-ea5d5b2accaf">MOH not involving BM... HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]So my sister is my MOH and got married 7 years ago. She did everything my mom wanted her to and now since I'm planning my wedding the way I want to do mine I think she is slightly jealous. So she wants to do the Bridal Shower herself. She just did the Engagement party for me, which i was so happy about. but she didnt let anyone help. Now my bridesmaids are asking me if they can help with the bridal shower which I told to my MOH and she says she's going to plan it with a friend of hers who i haven't even met. And she says that they would be better off planning the bachlorette party since she wants to do this by herself. I have 4 bridesmaids dying to help out with the party which i'm really happy about, and my MOH isn't going to let them. Even after I asked her to let them help and she said no. Should I just have the two Moms do the bridal party instead that way I know that everyone will have a chance to help out and plan the fun stuff of the party.....I mean isn't that partly why they are my bridesmaids?? HELP Me
Posted by lovebug215[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The hosts of the shower get to plan, and pay for the event. If your sister wants to host a shower, she is welcome to do so--but she also has to pay for it herself. If your bridesmaids would also like to host a shower, they can, but then they pay for that one themselves. You should stay out of the planning of any parties in your honor. If your bridesmaids ask about planning a shower again, just say, "I think my sister would like to host a shower herself, but if you guys wanted to plan a separate event, you are welcome to do so."</div><div>
</div><div>This leaves the door open for them to host a party if they would like to.

</div><div>Edit: Okay I changed my mind. I think it is too forward to say that they could host their own shower, even if they bring it up first (unless they actually say they want to host their own). If they ask about the shower your sister is planning, just give them her contact info. and your sister and them can work out between themselves if they are going to co-host a shower or not.</div>

banana468

Since you can't ask anyone to host a party for you without it being rude, just back off on this.

Tell your BMs, "If you want to be involved you'll need to talk to my sister," and just leave it at that.

And to answer your question,

[QUOTE]Should I just have the two Moms do the bridal party instead that way I know that everyone will have a chance to help out and plan the fun stuff of the party.....I mean isn't that partly why they are my bridesmaids?? HELP Me [/QUOTE]

No, that's not why they're BMs.  You asked them to be there with you on the big day.  If they want to do other stuff that's great, but you shouldn't be involved in the process.

jagore08

Ditto to the above.  Also, if your sister is unwilling to let them plan the shower with her tell her that you gave the other girls her contact info just in case.  If there really is nothing for them to do tell her to suggest planning your bachelorette party.

suz62984

Stay out of this. You mentioned your concerns to your MOH but she turned them down. This is clearly her event. If your BMs want to host another shower let them. This is not something you need to be involved in period.