2 Maids of Honor - input please!

757Dreamer

My fiance and I haven't made our bridal party decisions public yet, because there are a few circumstances that could physically prevent people from being with us, both on my side and his, so we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by making a decision then having to change at the last minute and bump someone out. However, there are 2 people on each side who we know will have no issues being there and we have told them no matter what, they will definitely be in our bridal party. On my side, it's my two best gals, Courtney and Meghan. They have both been through so much with me, but Courtney lives in an hour from us, so they don't know each other.
Meghan and I have talked about our future weddings beforehand, and we knew that we would be each others MOH since high school. Courtney and I have been friends longer but never really talked about either of us getting married (more than to mention if/when it happens, we're definitely going to party it up), so I've never brought up the idea of her being a MOH to her, but I knew I would always want her up there with me. Once we got engaged, I told her I want her up there with me and she excitedly agreed, but I haven't dished out a title yet.

I would love to have them both be my MOH because they both mean so much to me and I want them both to know that I couldn't have made it this far in life without them. I'm just not sure of how to approach them about both of them being a MOH. I'm confident neither of them would mind the other being it also, but I don't want to step on any toes. Should
I ask them seperately, or ask them both to join me for a girls day and bring it up with them together?
I just want to make sure they both know how much they mean to me and that it would mean the world to me if they both shared this with me, but I want to ensure there aren't any hard feelings between any of the three of us (especially Meghan, since we've discussed it before, but I've never brought up my wishes to have Courtney included)
Suggestions/thoughts would be much appreciated. [Don't worry, I don't get offended easily]

midgetthemighty

Agreed that bumping someone out is never an option so just get it out of your mind now.

I would ask them separately. I had two maids of honor and it all worked out just fine. Let me know if you want more information on the specifics of how it worked.

[Deleted User]

<div>I have to Maids of Honor and a Man of Honor. It is your wedding and why have 1 when you can have 2. I am not sure when your wedding is, but this year seems to be a big year for weddings. I am sure the MOH's would appreciate having another person to work with on your shower and bachelorette. If they do not know eachother, introduce them. Also, you might want to make one in charge of bachelorette duties and the other in charge of the shower(s). Also, if you are worried about how they will react, let them know you didn't want one person to be burdened with all of the events. They will probably appreciate it in the long run. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_2-maids-of-honor-input-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bc93a47-293b-4805-9727-f50aef99ddd2Post:b4d945a6-1502-44ec-8116-9641f56cdd20">2 Maids of Honor - input please!</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I haven't made our bridal party decisions public yet, because there are a few circumstances that could physically prevent people from being with us, both on my side and his, so we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by making a decision then having to change at the last minute and bump someone out. However, there are 2 people on each side who we know will have no issues being there and we have told them no matter what, they will definitely be in our bridal party. On my side, it's my two best gals, Courtney and Meghan. They have both been through so much with me, but Courtney lives in an hour from us, so they don't know each other. Meghan and I have talked about our future weddings beforehand, and we knew that we would be each others MOH since high school. Courtney and I have been friends longer but never really talked about either of us getting married (more than to mention if/when it happens, we're definitely going to party it up), so I've never brought up the idea of her being a MOH to her, but I knew I would always want her up there with me. Once we got engaged, I told her I want her up there with me and she excitedly agreed, but I haven't dished out a title yet. I would love to have them both be my MOH because they both mean so much to me and I want them both to know that I couldn't have made it this far in life without them. I'm just not sure of how to approach them about both of them being a MOH. I'm confident neither of them would mind the other being it also, but I don't want to step on any toes. Should I ask them seperately, or ask them both to join me for a girls day and bring it up with them together? I just want to make sure they both know how much they mean to me and that it would mean the world to me if they both shared this with me, but I want to ensure there aren't any hard feelings between any of the three of us (especially Meghan, since we've discussed it before, but I've never brought up my wishes to have Courtney included) Suggestions/thoughts would be much appreciated. [Don't worry, I don't get offended easily]
Posted by 757Dreamer[/QUOTE]

libby2483

Please don't follow this advice! You should never assign your bridal party duties. People offer to throw you showers and bachelorette parties, you don't assign them as a chore.


In Response to Re:2 Maids of Honor input please!:[QUOTE]I have to Maids of Honor and a Man of Honor. It is your wedding and why have 1 when you can have 2. I am not sure when your wedding is, but this year seems to be a big year for weddings. I am sure the MOH's would appreciate having another person to work with on your shower and bachelorette. If they do not know eachother, introduce them. Also, you might want to make one in charge of bachelorette duties and the other in charge of the showers. Also, if you are worried about how they will react, let them know you didn't want one person to be burdened with all of the events. They will probably appreciate it in the long run.nbsp;In Response to 2 Maids of Honor input please!:My fiancenbsp;and I haven't made our bridal party decisions public yet, because there are a few circumstances that could physicallynbsp;prevent people from being with us, both on my side and his, so we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by making a decision then having to change at the last minute and bump someone out. However, there are 2 people on each side who we know will have no issues being there and we have told them no matter what, they will definitely be in our bridal party. On my side, it's my two best gals, Courtney and Meghan. They have both been through so much with me, but Courtney lives in an hour from us, so they don't know each other. Meghan and I have talked about our future weddings beforehand, and we knew that we would be each others MOH since high school. Courtney and I havenbsp;been friends longer butnbsp;never really talked about either of us getting married more than to mention if/when it happens, we're definitely going to party it up, so I've never brought up the idea of her being a MOH to her, but I knew I would always want her up there with me. Once we got engaged, I told her I want her up there with me and she excitedly agreed, but Inbsp;haven't dished out a title yet. I would love to have them both be my MOH because they both mean so much to m

Kate61487

First - ignore everything amrouten said.

Second - ditto PPs that you shouldn't be bumping anyone.  Ask who you want to ask.  If one or more can't make it, that's okay.  do NOT replace them.  uneven sides are fine.

Third - I also had two MOHs.  I asked them separately; in part b/c they didn't know each other, and in part b/c they didn't live close enough to have them meet before hand. I still probably would have asked separately, just in case one had a conflict or schedule or budget concern.  When I asked, I asked "will you be my co-maid of honor?" so they knew up front there was another.  I did split the "duties" but that was a split between holding the ring and signing the marriage certificate - since those are the only 'duties' a MOH has. 

pisha82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_2-maids-of-honor-input-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bc93a47-293b-4805-9727-f50aef99ddd2Post:c08cb2e0-1c8b-4923-b1b9-654cb4f9a3e0">Re: 2 Maids of Honor - input please!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 2 Maids of Honor - input please! : Sweet baby Jesus, no no no!  MoH duties begin and end with getting the dress and standing at the ceremony.  Bach parties and showers are GIFTS given to the bride and can be thrown by anyone other than herself.  They are not mandatory, nor does it have to be the MsOH that throw them.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I totally understand and see your point when everyone when they say bridesmaids and MOH duties are only to show up and get a dress. HOWEVER in some circles it is EXPECTED that the BM's ad MOH throw a shower and bach parties. People arent wrong my saying things about there BM's throwing them a shower. This is how it is done in some circles and it isnt wrong when people say things about the BM's throwing them parties. In many circles you would be considered rude to the bride not to throw parties for her. It doesnt mean a bride isnt grateful or is spoiled or anything else. People in some circles do things differently and that is ok.

MobKaz

Please make sure you know the personalities of your friends well. Sharing the role of MOH in theory may seem benign, but in practice it may cause a few headaches.

At some point, you will need to decide which of the two will stand directly beside you during the ceremony.  And, you will need to decide which of the two will be seated directly next to you at dinner (assuming you are not having a sweetheart table). 

It seems ridiculous, but I have actually seen where this scenario actually caused a lot of stress for a bride.  It apparently made a BIG difference to one of the co-M'sOH.

pisha82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_2-maids-of-honor-input-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bc93a47-293b-4805-9727-f50aef99ddd2Post:6b3c2f75-6d90-4cd6-b104-5d7c5ee7e8e4">Re: 2 Maids of Honor - input please!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 2 Maids of Honor - input please! : The point is, you shouldn't expect parties to be thrown for you, and you definitely delegate those responsibilities to other people.  Showers etc. are a gift, and not a right.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

Yes but the way you all say it, it doesnt come across like that. And just bc some people do expect it, doesnt make them wrong. And honestly to some people and in some circles they are a right and it is ok to assign people things. Honestly it doesnt really make it "right" but in some circles it is and it is ok to expect parties. Lets all be honest we all really do expect a shower, who throws it varies by your circle. In some circles parents throw it and etiquitte says that is really wrong.
People do start wondering about a shower when you get engaged and to avoid questions some circles expect the bridal party to throw it and people, NOT the bride, would think it was rude they didnt.
All I am saying is to some people the things that are said on here arent considered rude to them, and that is ok. We can all have different opinions and we can all say them and respect each other. But sometimes people are made to feel really crappy by how they said by others. I get your point, no one should ever expect anything and everyone needs to be grateful for what they get. But whats normal to one person isnt always normal to someone else. And its ok in someones world for it to be normal to assign someone to throw one party and another person to throw another. That doesnt make them rude, or wrong or anything else.

btb1399

togeth they can bond along the way

dplett

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_2-maids-of-honor-input-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bc93a47-293b-4805-9727-f50aef99ddd2Post:6157851a-05d2-484e-85b5-26552d49cac5">Re:2 Maids of Honor input please!</a>:
[QUOTE]No, actually it IS wrong to expect others to throw you parties and assume you can dictate "duties" to people, regardless of how common it is in your circles. It's not a matter of social norms or regional traditions. It's a matter of common decency in how you treat others.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I do agree with this.  However I understand how some people might think that it is expected because it is so common.  I was one person that thought it was expected that the bride's attendants throw her a shower.  This changed when I was co MOH with my sister for our best friend's wedding.  My sister and I had been really excited to throw our bride a shower (not a huge one but a smaller one)  and the wind was totally taken out of our sails when she told us that we SHOULD plan a shower for her and then continually asked about our plans.  It wasn't fun to GIVE someone a shower when they excected it and always asked about it even though it was extremely common for MOH to throw showers for their brides.

 I learned my lesson and left ALL shower planning alone, whenever someone asked if I was having showers or not I simply said that I thought it would be fun but it wasn't up to me and I was happy either way.

cofkel

I have both sides of this issue I guess. I am personally having two MOH as the three of us are very good friends(we all hang out both together and independently of each other). Mine are super excited to do it together and have already made co-MOH shirts and stuff. I was also a co-MOH in a wedding for another friend. I had never met the other MOH before the wedding planning and it was awkward. I offered to throw the bride a shower as I have a large house and the other MOH got pissy (uh you could have offered) and then at the wedding the wedding planner had me stand next to the bride and the other MOH behind me because the bride and I are the same height(wack reason the WP was wacky) and the other MOH pouted the whole wedding. I have been a MOH 4 other times so I was not trying to steal thunder, but man she was not happy to share her friends special day. So I guess my advice is just know your girls. Sometimes it may be easier to just have one.