Wedding Party

Co-maids of honor?

I have a bit of a MOH dilemma. I have 2 younger sisters. The one I'm actually closer to and have a better relationship with is a lot younger than me and is currently 20 and in college, so I'm hesitant to have her plan a shower/bachelorette party/give a toast, etc. The other sister is 2 years younger than me and we get along fine now that we don't live in the same house, but we don't talk too often. I feel weird choosing one over the other, and am thinking about making them both co-maids of honor. Not sure how this would play out in the planning or the day of though. I was wondering if anyone else has done this or even heard of it. For the record, I'm the first of us to get married so there is no precedent. And if I do end up picking one of them for MOH the other would definitely be a bridesmaid. Any advice would be appreciated :-)
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Re: Co-maids of honor?

  • Keep in mind, there are no duties when you're in the wedding other than to show up on the day of in the chosen attire.   The shower planning, toast giving are all optional.   Think of them as gifts that are traditionally given but are not required at all.

    That said, I think it's fine to have two MsOH.   DH was co BM in his brother's wedding a few years ago.   The other BM was BIL's good friend.   They each gave a toast and each did different things related to the WP and were both special in their roles.
  • My best friend and my sister are my co-MOHs, I don't think that it is wrong. That way your younger sister can lean on your older (maybe more mature) sister. And it is YOUR wedding. Who gives a flip if it goes against tradition.

    Enjoy it!!! :)
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  • It's fine to have co-MOHs but whoever you ask it should be with the understanding that they are not required to help with any wedding plans, to throw you showers or bachelorette parties, or to give any speeches. Any pre-parties should be a gift given voluntarily just as your FI should be the first person you go to for help with any wedding project.

    Don't buy into the lists of "bridesmaids duties/responsibilities" (these are written by the same sources that will probably try to convince you a monogrammed tote is the be-all and end-all of bridesmaids gifts).  So long as the people you ask buy the right attire (selected with their budget in mind) and show up sober and smiling for your wedding, they've done what they need to.

    Ask whoever you want, whoever you are closest to, or both.

  • SKPMSKPM member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2012
    I am the oldest of three girls as well and the first to get married. I had my two younger sisters and two close friends as BMs. I considered having both sisters as MOHs, or having my best friend, or none. I decided to have all 4 as BMs and had my sisters standing closest to me, in order by age just to pick something.

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  • My sister and cousin and I are very close in age, and the only girls on our side of the family. We decided when we were young that we would all be each other's co-maids of honor. When I got married, H and I decided to have wedding parties of 4, and it still worked out fine. My sister planned most of the bachelorette party, just because my cousin was 4 hours away at college. They worked it out amongst themselves, and it worked out great. I can't WAIT to return the favor.
  • AlexaNPAlexaNP member
    edited August 2012
    I am having two maids of honor, my 2 cousins.  I asked them if they were interested in giving toasts, just because we didn't want a lot of toasts and FI has 2 best men as well.  One said definitely not and one said she's love to!  So, I split the duties for day-of.  One will sit next to me at the reception (the one giving the toast).  The other will stand next to me for the ceremony and arrange my train, and hold my bouquet.  I just ran this idea past them to make sure they were okay with it, and they were!

    Also, MOH doesn't have to help you with planning, but one of my MOH is out-of-state and obviously can't help with planning, but plans to attend the bridal shower and co-host as much as she is able.  The other MOH lives 20 min away and offered to host the shower, and plans on getting out-of-state MOH to help as much as she wants to/feels comfortable.  Also, they told me they are planning a Bachelorette party together which I don't get to know any details because it's supposed to be a surprise, they just checked with me on a good date to have it.

    So, as long as your sisters get along somewhat well, they shouldn't really have trouble dividing any duties that they choose to have!  Good luck in your decision!

    Edit: In case that comment below was directed at me.  My cousin was with me the night me and FI met, and ever since then she always said, I can't wait until you guys get married and I'll have a really good story for my toast!!  So that is why I asked her, once it was official that she was my maid of honor, basically "hey, were you being serious, are you still planning to do that?".  I then asked the other MOH, because I didn't want her to plan on giving a toast, and then I would find out at the last minute and we could have possibly 4 toasts if both FI's best men wanted to give one.  I just think 4 is way to many when peopel are just ready to eat.  It worked out because the second cousin didn't really care to, and there was no pressure or anythign from me.  Just in simple inquiry.  These 2 cousins are like my sisters, so we talk about everything.  We don't really "follow etiquette" in private between us.  Just because I am getting married, doesn't mean we need to suddenly act very formal with each other.
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  • My two sisters were my Maid and Matron of Honor- one signed the license and held my bouquet and the other was in charge of helping me with my dress and makeup and "arranging" my Cathedral length veil (her self-chosen task, lol- she was with me when I bought the dress and veil and she loved the veil!) and she also spoke briefly at our reception, welcoming the guests and introducing our first dance. Both sisters planned my surprise bridal shower and both walked down the aisle together and stood at the altar with me at our ceremony. Both didn't mind sharing the duties and, to be honest, there aren't many! To me it's mostly an honorary title. 
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  • I'm having a close friend and my sister as my co-maids of honor. My sister is standing next to me during the ceremonyand holding the bouquet, while my friend will sign the marriage license and make a toast at the reception. 
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  • In was a co-maidOH in a wedding, it was great. I made an amazing new friend and had someone to help with all the shower planning and such. made life easier and no feelings were hurt.

    Alternately OP have you considered making both of them bridesmaids and having a close friend in the MOH position?
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  • ^^^Actually during our Catholic ceremony, the monsignor asked my husband and I to hold hands while we recited our vows which was immediately followed by the ring exchange- so, yeah, unless I was gonna hold my bouquet under my armpit, I needed some assistance, lol. I could have put it down on my chair, I suppose but the point was, sometimes the ceremony doesn't allow the bride to hold the bouquet so the whole bouquet holding thing isn't total bs. It's not like having a guest book attendant (ie most pointless "duty" ever Tongue Out )
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  • You can do co-MOH. Or you could just do no MOH and have them all as BMs. That's what I am doing. I love them all, didn't want to single any one out.
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