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RosannFell

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krmabojo

No you ate not stupid. You and your FI agreed that you should ask your friend. The problems lies with Mike's currnet GF... whod oes not trust him for some reason.

You did nothing wrong. She wanted to be in the wedding and we did he.

zoey567123

I would not feel guilty at all for your FI friend dropping out of the wedding. Reality is, its Mike's loss. It really just shows what kind of friend he really is, and maybe it is for the best.

Friends come into and out of your life at different times and in different ways and those that are in your wedding party are the ones that are your nearest and dearest and to be asked is an honor. The girl that you have asked is obviously special since you've asked her.  Since Mike has decided to bow out, it speaks of his character and how he ultimately feels towards you and your FI.  If it is a girlfriend that is the cause, well I hate to say it, but he has chosen her over you, so you're better off to accept it and move on with your wedding plans.

RosannFell

i took out my friend's name just in case someone we know is trolling the knot site...thanks for your support, i still feel guilty and wrong though...

gottahavashorti

If you planned to require that they make out at the wedding, then yes.

You did absolutely nothing wrong by asking the ex to be in the WP.  Are you sure that he dropped out because of that, though?  He could be short on cash for a tux rental or have some other reason for dropping out.

RosannFell

positive...he said that it was too be weird like at the altar area with her and to have to talk to her (i still don't get it - it was his choice to break it off...wtf)....i just feel kind of like i singlehandedly ruined everything...i mean i did want everything to be perfect...not like the table linens but for us to have the people that we care about with us for all this...

emilykathleen511

<span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">[QUOTE]Background: when my fiance and i first started dating four years ago, he introduced me to two of his friends, Ben and Jamie, who had been dating for a few years. My fi met Ben in 2001 and considers him one of his closest friends. Jamie and I really hit it off though.  In March of 2008, Ben unceremoniously dumped my friend and she had a really crappy time of it finding a new apt and having to give up the dog...

</span><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">My fiance told me he wanted to ask Ben to be in the wedding and i asked him if I could ask Jamie, but I wasn't sure if that would be weird.  He thought it was a good idea because my friend is so nice and a longtime friend of his as well and the break up was years ago. My mom thought it would be fine too.... I was concerned that Jamie would not want to do it which I would totally understand.
Instead, she is thrilled to be in it and has totally moved on.

Ben is seeing someone and i think she is jealous....so jealous in fact that after saying he would be in it, Ben dropped out of the wedding!  he said he is still coming to the engagement party and the wedding so what is the difference?  We were not going to pair them together or something..our bp is huge 8 per side so they could be as far away as humanly possible from each othe...  My fi is devastated.  The worst is that he actually tried to make my fiance better by basically saying that they are not close anyway...which i think hurt him even more

I feel really guilty because even though i love my friend, Matt has been friends with Ben for twice as long....Was I totally stupid for asking my friend?  Should I have known better?[/QUOTE]</span></div><div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></font></div><div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">I agree with pp in that you do not need to feel guilty just because Ben's girlfriend has trust issues.</span></font></div>

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]positive...he said that it was too be weird like at the altar area with her and to have to talk to her (i still don't get it - it was his choice to break it off...wtf)....i just feel kind of like i singlehandedly ruined everything...i mean i did want everything to be perfect...not like the table linens but for us to have the people that we care about with us for all this...
Posted by RosannFell[/QUOTE]
Weird.  No, that's definitely not your fault.  Honestly, he could have ended up being seated closer to her if they were both guests than being separated by you and your FI at the altar.  If you were having them walk together and sit next to each other I could see that being awkward, but just being in the same WP should not be.

MyNameIsNot

This is not your fault!  Dude sounds kind of immature or insecure.  Being in a wedding party together means being at a couple of events together.  Nothing more.  If he can't handle that, it's on him.  You shouldn't feel bad about this, and you shouldn't let your friend drop out if she offers to.  

tommyandy

Him dropping out of the wedding party because his ex is in it too is a lot like a 10 year old going without dinner because he doesn't like peas.  It's not like they are the ones saying I DO.