NWR rant, opinions needed

stina93446

I feel like a biotch.

My cousin (who was put up for adoption and found my family years later to think of me like his little sister and I think of him like my older bro) has 2 kids. Adorable. They call me Auntie Stina....cool, whatev.

I have a friend who clinged onto my family. She is now also called Aunt....it really irks me whenever I read updates on her facebook or on her blog about her nieces....then again, technically they aren't MY nieces either....what is my big deal?

banana468

Do you post photos on FB or a blog and call them your nieces though?

stina93446

I don't blog about them, and only SOMETIMES do I post them in photos as my nieces, probably more than not, but not EVERYTIME.

I think it just helps me to 1. write out this rant here and 2. hear people tell me to get over it.

She's not hurting anyone really, just annoying me because dude, she's white and the kids are asian...and NOT related to her in any way.

And in the wedding program, she was listed as just my cousin....and my DH talks about her and just says that she's my cousin because explaining that my sisters didn't get knocked up is awkward.

SarahPLiz

I have all sorts of aunts, uncles, and cousins that just kind of found our family and we aren't related at all. Someof them are even closer than family. My dad's best friend's kid came to stay with us one summer and I tried to pass him off as my brother, but he is even darker than my dad (creole and native american), so I had to settle for calling him cousin, even though I consider him my brother.  I think those people rightfully become family when you treat them as such, so if she treats them like they are family, neice is a general term for small girls that aren't your own kids.

I think its ok, unless she goes BSC and tries to take them or something.

stina93446

See Sarah, I didn't write the whole back story because it goes on for days, but when the second child was born, this friend of mine would not leave the hospital and it really bothered my other family members including the father(my cousin). And I had to tell her to back off....so she has been BSC before. She's better now. I just wish that when she calls them her nieces it wouldn't irk me. I don't get it.

SarahPLiz

Wow, I meant that as a joke!

Then maybe it would irk me if she had a history of unwelcome hovering... yeah, it would probably irk me too.

stina93446

When the baby was born, it was premature by 2 months and this friend made it a job of hers to go to the hospital EVERYDAY...which is cool because she kept my CIL company. But my cousin was uber annoyed because he never got a single moment alone with his wife and kids.

And MY mom was pissed too, saying that "I'm family...your friend isn't." Everyone was telling me that she needed to back off so I had to tell her over the phone and it was a long crying fest because it sounded like I was saying "you cant hang out with the wife anymore" when really I was saying "You need to give my family space because they all have seniority and no one is going to tell you this except me because they're too nice and don't want to hurt your feelings."

blackfire5th

So I'm getting the feeling that it's not the fact that she calls them her nieces that is the problem.  You mention that this friend attached herself to the family.  To me it sounds as if your family doesn't feel the same affection for her as she does for you.  So maybe it's the fact that she is pretending to be part of your family.

I say that because my extended family and DH immediate family have close friens who have become part of the family.  When when I talk about them, I say that they have become part of the family, not that they have attached themselves to the family.

stina93446

haha, good point. She may or may not be considered "part of the family" to my cousin's wife, but definitely not to my cousin.

When I went off to college, (she's a year under me) she stayed in my bedroom and 'lived' there getting closer to my little sisters....and when this second baby arrived, and all this shiit with being hovering there, my parents were really upset, saying that she is always there. Never goes home to her own family. lol, I guess my parents never laid down the law with her so she assumed that she was always welcome everywhere.

blackfire5th

Oh, awkward situation....

stina93446

haha, I feel better writing it out....when I read my own responses, I think , 'dude this girl should just deal' and then read the user name and go....oops! lol

megk8oz

I think something like this would bother me too, actually. Yes, you're not an "aunt", but it's easier to call you "aunt" then to explain nth degree of cousin-ship to the kids and people outside of the family (I actually have cousins who I call "aunt" and "uncle", and refer to my mom's 1/2-sisters as my "cousins"-even though they are aunts ... but they're closer to my age than my mom's)

But, like, if my BSC crazy friend started calling herself "Aunt BSC Friend" to my niece ... and it took, I'd be kinda ticked off.

Be that as it may, just "sucking it up" is definitely the more mature way of dealing with it. I say this thinking "How would it go over if I called out BSC friend on the above situation?" ... I can't think of an outcome that's actually worth the trouble.

mags0607

Oooh, this is a sticky situation, and one that resembles what my BSC Aunt has done in my family. She is my mom's sister, but latched on to my dad's side of the family. She calls all of them nieces and nephews and everyone ( including my heart of gold mother) uncomfortably just deals with it and lets her go on. Why? Because actually calling her on it and asking her to back off would cause a heap of drama that no one is prepared for.

I can see why it irks you. Even though you are not really their aunt, you are actually their family. Having someone who isn't family take on the same classification can get under your skin.
 
But, its obvious that you care about your friend who has latched on. Sometimes I look at my Aunt and I get annoyed (but she annoys me on a multitude of levels,) but then I think that if she didn't latch on to my other side of the family, she really wouldn't have anyone besides my mom and I. When I think of it that way, it irks me much less.

stina93446

Youre right Meg....I am getting over it....embarrassed now over feeling this way...

aerinpegadrak

I totally get the family friend being called "aunt" or "uncle," because that's easier for the kid to understand.  I knew my mom's best friend as "Aunt Linda," and my MOH's daughter will probably know me as "Aunt Aerin."  But I would never call the kid my niece.  It just doesn't really work that way.  (I posed the question to FI, and he felt the same.)  So I don't think you're wrong for thinking that it's weird.

That said, I think that Meg is right: There's probably nothing you can do about it that won't just blow up in your face.

stina93446

That makes sense Aerin. I am ok with the kids calling her auntie.....it's totally an asian thing and we did it in our house hold too....but I don't like how she calls them her nieces. On her photography blog, she has photos of them and she gushes about being their aunt....and when they were born, and I couldn't be there, she gushed about how she was a great auntie on facebook because she was there....made me feel awful that I live on the other side of the country. I let her know that THOSE updates were not ok.