Wedding Party

Bridesmaid Drama Please Help

I have been friends with a girl from work for the past three years. We became very close--we talked all the time and shopped together, had dinner together a few times a week, and went to one another for advice. When I got engaged this past summer, I asked her to be a bridesmaid which she excitedly accepted. 

She has always been kind of a high maintenance friend. She has "rules" about respect and how people treat her. At times, it felt like walking on eggshells with her because she can be difficult. I never really had an issue with her, she was always great to me, but there were instances at work with other people where I saw her "rules" start to apply.

About a month ago, she turned on me over a very simple misunderstanding. We had a work Christmas party and it was originally located in a place where it wasnt safe to park and walk alone, so she and I decided we would meet another co-worker at our office and drive together. However, last minute the plan changed and it was at a restaurant down the street from my house. I told them that I would just meet them there instead because it was a safe location and didnt make sense for me to drive back to the office 20 minutes if it was so close. Needless to say, my friend flipped out, saying she didnt want to drive with our other co-worker alone. I apologized, saying I didnt realize and of course I'll drive back, I didnt realize she felt that way. Instead of it ending there, the problem escalated. She said that she accomodated my sister and her boyfriend for our New York Christmas plans and how dare I not accomodate her by driving back. I told her again, I had no problem driving back to the office, I just didnt realize. Needless to say, I didnt want the argument to continue so I told her it was a small misunderstanding and we should just drop it, I would come pick them up. 

The next morning at work however, she snuck in and I was on the phone and didnt see her. She immediately texted me (from across the office) to say how disrespectful I am and how hurtful I am that I didnt say hi to her. I told her that I didnt even hear her come in and obviously would have. She went off the handle, telling me how rude I am and how mean I was the day before. I told her that I was not going to handle this in text message, it was ridiculous. I stopped replying to her. Because I stopped answering, she began saying horrible things--that I am cold hearted and selfish and rude and I never do anything for her. I got upset. I reminded her that when her boyfriend left her a few weeks ago, my fiance and I drove to get her, and when her dad kicked her out, I offered her to stay at my house and any time she has wanted to swtich shifts, I have done it. I told her that she has been a good friend as well and I dont understand why she is saying such things. 

The fight escalated worse. I had stopped answering her because she was saying terrible things for no reason. She became very unprofessional at work. I didnt want people we work with to know what was going on because we have mutual friends there. However, she started talking loudly, whispering to the woman who she originally didnt want to drive with to the party and everyone at work found out. Several co-workers came to me saying that there have been major issues with her that I was not aware of and she has done this kind of thing to different people.

At the Christmas party, I said hello to her and then went to talk to other people. She texted me and I didnt respond. She wrote that I was being mean not speaking to her and she never wanted to be friends with me again and was not going to be in my wedding. I didnt respond. I thought it was immature be saying such things and especially in texts.

Unfortunately during all of this, I had her for Secret Santa. I got her a gift and gave it to her. She told me she was going to bring it back to me. I told her that when I got her as my SS, I was really excited and to please keep it. My dad found it outside our house the following day. 

She then called me on Monday and asked to have dinner. I told her I was working late and not sure what time I would be off (I was working in our other office). I didnt say no, but she immediately flew off the handle saying that I was making things difficult. I told her that I was not doing that but I was still hurt by how she could say things like that to me, take me on such a rollercoaster ride of wanting to be friends, not wanting to be friends, taking herself out of my wedding, and talking about it to our co workers. She said, " I dont understand. When I fight with my other friends, they forgive me." My response was, " Well I dont fight with my friends, that's the difference." She told me I was being immature and hung up on me.

We have not spoken since and she has been trying to sabotage me at work. Obviously this girl is not a good friend or person. 

However, I had a friend last year who I used to be very close with. We had lost touch and after I got engaged, we became close again. I didnt originally ask her to be in the BP, even though her bf is the Best Man. Before this entire fight with my friend, I was going to ask this other girl. We were supposed to have dinner so I could and it got cancelled right before. 

My fiance wants me to ask her, but I feel bad doing that now. She knows that this girl is no longer in my bridal party and I dont want her feeling like she is a replacement.

Any advice?

Re: Bridesmaid Drama Please Help

  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Advice tip #1 - warn people that you posted a novel.

    If you already knew she was high maintenance, you had to walk on eggshells and you've seen her get upset with people over things, why are you friends with her to begin with?
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!

  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Now that I've read a 2nd time, I would just end the friendship with her.  From experience, life's too short for eggshell walking.

    ETA: and no, I wouldn't ask the other friend to replace her in the BP
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!

  • The friendship is definitely over. I agree, I have no time for eggshells. I was friends with her because she and I had gotten close and we had a good friendship. She had a rough childhood growing up and has had a hard life. I could see she had some issues, but she  never took it out on our friendship. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, even though I probably should have listened to people. I like to see the best in people. I understand it was probably a bad idea looking back now, but I saw what I thought was good in her.
  • I would ask your other friend, you were going to do it before this all went down, friendships change and this one grew since you got engaged. I would say that I was planning on doing it before and it has nothing to do with mrs. Crazy pants leaving the wedding. You guys are friends if it's genuine she'll believe it. I added a bm about 4 months after I asked the other girls during a time where fi friend whose a girl was kinda going back and forth wanting to stand on my side then his then mine then his - I just said this has nothing to do with Molly or where she ends up standing I just really want you up there with me. She was thrilled and never felt like a replacement cause she also knew how close we'd got (I basically lived with her for four months fi and I were long distance due to job changes). As for the other girl, I'd say cut her off completely because she sounds toxic but you do work together which could make it a sticky situation( you already mentioned she is trying to mess you up at work). I would try to save it as much as possible for that reason only but just really dial it down if that's possible and then when one of you changes jobs I'd be done with it completely.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Thank you! I appreciate the advice. 
  • Yeah I didnt want that. I wanted to ask her before all of the drama with the other girl happened but I didnt get a chance. Now that it has, I feel like I cant because I dont want her to feel like that.
  • If you do ask the other girl, I'd make sure you emphasize to her that you were going to ask her even before Little Miss Cray Cray Co-worker flew off the deep end and took herself out of the wedding party (which is what it sounds like you were going to do), so she doesn't feel like a replacement.  As long as you're asking her because you were planning to regardless, and not just as a replacement for Crazypants, I think it's okay.

    Oh, and don't be friends with Crazy Co-worker.  Life's too short for "friends" like that.
    image my to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
  • Oh awful.  I think she did you a favor in showing you her true colors.  She definitely doesn't seem like someone you should keep in your life.  As for your other friend, if you originally did want to ask her, I would ask her. Just tell her you had some craziness crash into your life, and you wanted to be able to do it in person.  Geez....sorry you had to go through that!
  • End the friendship and contact HR regarding her unprofessional behavior.  She's batspit crazy, not to mention spoiled, entitled, and ragingly immature.
  • In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:37Discussion:2e7e9118-f84b-48b1-9a38-45c681b32803Post:4210441a-aa0e-4696-a6be-c759be9a7ecd">Re: Bridesmaid Drama Please Help</a>:
    [QUOTE]End the friendship and contact HR regarding her unprofessional behavior.  She's batspit crazy, not to mention spoiled, entitled, and ragingly immature.
    Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]

    I agree.  You should check your employee handbook, and talk to HR if your company is large enough to have a HR department.  If not speak to your supervisor.  You shouldn't have to deal with harassment at work.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I think as long as you don't ask your friend to replace the crazy girl you'll be fine. If you say I would love for you to stand up with us when we get married. I think she will be fine with that.  Good Luck!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards