a couple bridal party questions!

lizzzynm

My boyfriend and I just got engaged a few days ago and I've already begun thinking of a couple things regarding our wedding even though it's 2+ years away:

1) He wants his 3 brothers and his best friend to be the groomsmen. He's doing this to prevent any issue with his boys being like "why didnt you pick me?!?!". I completely get why he's doing that, however, how do I then try to achieve the same thing with my girlfriends? I am the only girl in my family, and I have 7 best girlfriends from high school/college that I had in mind to be at my side on the alter. What would anybody recommend?

2) There's some bad blood on my (now deceased) mother's family and I'm not too particularly fond of a lot of them. Would it be bad if I didn't invite them at all? What is proper etiquette in this case? Should I just invite them and hope they don't show? Or just not invite them at all? I'm torn.

PLEASE HELP! Thank you

JaxInBlue

Congratulations!

If you are two-plus years away, you don't need to think about asking people (even unofficially) to be in your bridal party for a while.  Wait until you are 6 to 9 months out from your date and ask them then.  (I'd say closer to 9 if people need time to arrange travel.)  This gives you some time to think about everything - and everyone - you'd like to include.  Also, your sides don't have to be even, so if, when it's time to ask, you still have 7 ladies to ask, that's fine.

As for extending invitations, I would think about talking those family members you do like and respect (and maybe your dad, if that's relevant) to see what they think about inviting some, all or none of that family.  Family politics can be tricky and the extra perspective can at least prepare you for what could happen either way.  There's a good chance that if the bad blood goes both ways, they wouldn't come.  But there's always a chance that they might, for whatever reason, say yes to your invitation.  The good news is that if you do invite them and they do come, you aren't required to be BFF  with them for the night - be gracious, thank them for coming and move on to the next person.

I'd start thinking about this (and maybe talking about it with one or two people) now, but again, you don't need to make a final decision until you send your first "paper".  If you send Save the Dates (definitely no earlier than a year out, no later than 6 months) then you need to have a pretty firm handle on your guest list then since anyone getting a Save the Dates gets an invite.  If you're on the fence then, skip the STD for those individuals and just send an invitation, which gives you extra time to decide.

MyNameIsNot

1) Do not ask anyone to be in the WP yet.  Relationships change and people change, and once you ask, you can't unask.  Also, with 2 years to go, it's pretty likely that you'll rethink your wedding plan completely, and the WP you asked won't make sense anymore.  Hold off until about 9 months out before asking anyone.  

2) When the time comes, you should each as your closest friends.  It doesn't matter if he has 4 and you have 7, or he has family while you have friends.

3) There is no etiquette rule that any level of family have to be included.  If you don't want them there, don't invite them.  If you do invite them, be prepared for them to come.  Keep in mind, though, that not inviting them may be seen as a final nail in the coffin of ending a relationship.  Since they are your mother's family, discuss with her or with other family members that do understand the issue and the dynamic, before you make a decision.

pkontk

1) Wait until you're about a year out before choosing the bridal party - this goes for you and your FI.  Relationships can change.  When you revisit this issue, remember that sides do not have to be even.

2) Are you certain that you never want to have a relationship with any of your late mother's family?  How does your father feel about this?  Tread lightly with this, because they are still your family.  But if you are ready to say goodbye to them forever, the do what you would like.