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Wedding Party

Do you plan your own birthday party?

Since hanging around here and hearing that you don't plan your own bach party because you don't throw parties in your honor, I've been thinking about how this relates to birthday parties. Then it got explicity brought up in the 15yo MOH post that you shouldn't throw your birthday party either because it's also a party in your honor.

But umm, I DO throw my own birthday party. I've never thought anything of it, and most of my friends (Chilean and gringo) do the same. It's usually going to dinner or a bar/club or just having people over. If we go out, everyone pays their own way rather than paying for the birthday girl/boy, and presents are usually kept to a minimum (bottle of wine, chocolates), but they are there. So do I just know the rudest people ever, is this a case where etiquette says one thing but it's become accepted to do another, or are birthday parties somehow different?
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Re: Do you plan your own birthday party?

  • I throw my own birthday parties...hell, two birthdays ago I bought a Ratatouille birthday cake for myself!  My FI does a good bit of the planning, too...

    I don't see a correlation between birthday parties and bach/shower...because I don't invite people to bring me presents for my birthday...I invite them to celebrate with me, and couldn't care less if they bring me anything!  Their company is more than enough gift for me :)
  • My birthdays are almost exactly like yours except that I do all different things for mine - the zoo, the park, hiking, the shore, out dancing, scavenger hunt, comedy club... whatever I decide on that year.

    It's never been an issue.
  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    I don't throw my own parties. My birthday is next week and I don't know if I am doing anything.

    FI usually plans something, or a friend will say, "Hey! Let's go get drinks with everyone, where do you want to go?" This year, no one has asked me anything and someone usually has by now. I won't lie, I'm kind of bummed and I'm hoping FI has something up his sleeve.

    Oh, and my FMIL already ruined my birthday present. It was great.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_plan-own-birthday-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ef07a9c-ff74-40c3-a064-b0422920595dPost:41a8ceec-a89d-452d-8ed1-165fbb42d728">Re: Do you plan your own birthday party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I throw my own birthday parties...hell, two birthdays ago I bought a Ratatouille birthday cake for myself! Posted by jaimed99[/QUOTE]

    Mmmm...although, if it was rat shaped, I probably would have cried while eating Remy. I swear I'm an adult. Pixar just makes me cry...a lot.

    Back to the question: I have thrown my own birthday party, but it's honestly just an excuse to get my friends over, barbecue and get obnoxiously drunk.

    The night usually ends with us scraping the frosting off of the birthday cake to eat and passing out. It's not really a party in my honor, more in alcohol's honor.
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  • I haven't had a 'birthday party' in awhile.  Mainly because FI's planning skills suck, and I also am not a huge fan of my birthday.  i usually plan a get-together for his birthday, though.
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  • The last birthday party I had was 2 years ago when my sister threw me a surprise party, but I typically don't have birthday parties, a friend or someone will usually take me out for dinner or drinks.

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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    edited April 2010
    I planned my 30th and it sucked. No one wanted to come, and Im not a big party planner. But we did have great cupcakes!

    I don't think I ever remember throwing my own all by myself, but I haven't had that many actual birthday parties that I remember. Usually my friends ask if we are doing anything, and maybe we go to dinner. My ex coordinated one with all of his friends (I didn't have but one friend at the time, long story), at a local mexican place. Lots of people came to eat and drink with us, but the restaurant refused to split the check. At the end of the night everyone supposedly settled up for their portion of the tab, but I ended up with a $100 bill, and all I had was one margarita and 3 tacos. From then on, I cringe at going out to eat with lots of people..

    I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with throwing your own party or organizing friends for a night out.  Having a cover charge to launch your own company, though, is another story.
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  • I've never planned my own ... DH has gotten some friends together on a couple of birthdays to go out for me. I planned him a birthday party once (we borrowed my parents' backyard and grilled and used their pool). I always take BFF out for dinner at her choice of a place, and give her a gift, on a day near her birthday when she's free.

    I really suck at planning parties and surprises so I don't do it often.

    I have attended self-thrown birthday parties in the past for other people. It doesn't really bother me unless the birthday person makes a big deal out of it. 
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  • See, now that I've thought about it, I feel like planning your own birthday is almost worse than planning your bach party (assuming the rule is that a) you don't throw yourself parties where you get gifts and b) you don't throw parties in your honor). Because while a shower is an obvious no-no, since the point is gifts, I don't know anyone who brings gifts to a bach party...and people do sometimes bring birthday presents. Even if that's not why you invited them, it's customary.

    I'm not going to feel guilty about inviting my friends over for drinks at my next birthday, I just feel like while I agree that you don't plan your own bach party, I'm potentially being a hypocrite for saying so if I'm also throwing my own birthday parties.
  • edited April 2010

    In our circle - we ask the birthday girl what she wants to do to celebrate her birthday. She chooses the resteraunt or activity and we all get together and do that. (We all pay our own ways and we usually bring a gift). But someone else always initiates the asking of what the birthday girl wants to do. It's not her randomly busting out with saying "This year for my birthday I have decided we will do XYZ."

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  • emily, I don't think you are a hypocrite at all. Most adult birthday parties I have been to have NOT been gift giving occaisions. Its not like a kid's birthday party at all. I understand that you don't invite people to give you gifts, but if you are saying "come have a drink with me on my birthday", I don't see anything wrong with that.
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  • No, usually I just go out to dinner with my parents on my birthday and with FI on the weekend between our birthdays.

    I can only think of one birthday night out that was thrown by the birthday person, but it was also half for his SO since they share a birthday.  And it was to a place they go pretty regularly, it just happened to be their birthday.

    Throwing your own birthday party doesn't bother me if it's a pay your own way deal since birthday parties are a low key non-gift giving event among my friends.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_plan-own-birthday-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ef07a9c-ff74-40c3-a064-b0422920595dPost:f129cb86-a4cc-4a79-b764-e886dc2c14c2">Re: Do you plan your own birthday party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]emily, I don't think you are a hypocrite at all. Most adult birthday parties I have been to have NOT been gift giving occaisions. Its not like a kid's birthday party at all. I understand that you don't invite people to give you gifts, but if you are saying "come have a drink with me on my birthday", I don't see anything wrong with that.
    Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

    Absolutely 100% agreed. The whole vibe of a birthday changes when you get older. It's more about just getting your buddies together, and you're using your birthday as a reason to. To me, it's completely fine.

    Now, if the birthday girl starts begging for ridiculous amounts of attention or gifts, then I start to have a problem with it.
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  • Usually my birthday party consists of me and the fam going to eat at a restaurant(my choice) and having cake/ice cream at my house.

    As far as friend bday parties go I always left it up to FI to plan but my friends have always gone crazy and I end up babysitting all night. Heck - on my 21st bday I was the DD because everyone went to the bar a little early and got drunk before I could get in. I haven't had a bday party with friends when I wasn't babysitting. I would say this year is the year but all my friends are scattered all over now :(
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_plan-own-birthday-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ef07a9c-ff74-40c3-a064-b0422920595dPost:0be0b759-5d3e-4ec9-b5d0-bf2418fa509c">Re: Do you plan your own birthday party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you plan your own birthday party? : Mmmm...although, if it was rat shaped, I probably would have cried while eating Remy. I swear I'm an adult. Pixar just makes me cry...a lot. 
    Posted by Licia&Wayne[/QUOTE]

    <div>It was actually just airbrushed with plastic toy Remy and Emile...which wound up going to my daughter lol...but I <3 Ratatouille...because Remy is me as a rat...in love and passionate about cooking :)</div>
  • CA2MT4EveRCA2MT4EveR member
    1000 Comments
    edited April 2010
    My friends usually ask me what we're doing for my birthday and it's typically all going out to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants.  It's been this way for quite a while even in a couple different groups I have, but for friends I either ask them or their SO's what we are doing. 

    Last year I went to Disneyland because it was free!  I was determined to go, even if I had to go by myself but one of my friends insisted I couldn't go alone and went along with me, even though she was unemployed at the time.  I tried to pay half her ticket and she would not let me.

    ETA: Emily, I do not judge people who plan their own bday parties, at all, unless it's like a super big princess hey look at me type of party. I think it's perfectly ok to ask your friends if they would like to come celebrate with you.
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  • I don't think I've ever planned my own birthday gathering.  For as long as DH and I have been together, we've handled each others.  Before that, my BFF or my old roommate would plan it, and I did theirs.  

    Usually our birthdays are dinner out at b-day person's choice followed by hanging out at a bar, cards but no gifts.  I think I would feel weird about inviting people to come celebrate me.  I don't know why.  It just feels weird to me.  
  • In our circle the SO or BFF plans something.  Not a gift-giving event, really.  This year I got a card with a pic of FI and I in it, which was so sweet. 
  • I throw DH's b day parties and he throws mine.
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  • I don't know planning your own birthday party seems the same as planning your own bachelorette party, as long as you don't expect people to pay for you at your bachelorette. It actually sounds like the exact same thing. The newbs that come on here always say, "It will just be me asking my friends to come celebrate with me, I don't expect them to pay for anything." To me that seems like the same exact thing as planning your own birthday party.
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  • I have a friend in my hometown with the exact same birthday, and we have celebrated together for about 5 years now. So we plan it together. I live in another country now but do expect to be there for that day, and will throw a party together!

    In terms of my friends both in Canada and in the US, everyone throws their own birthday party, and this includes my European friends. (Most of my friends here are European... I do'nt know many Americans. :( )
  • In my circle of friends we all usually plan a dinner for each other.  We don't really do gifts but if we're at a restaurant we all chip in and pay for the birthday persons dinner.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_plan-own-birthday-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ef07a9c-ff74-40c3-a064-b0422920595dPost:c9f5690c-64ab-4a71-840d-88c0253f7066">Re: Do you plan your own birthday party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know planning your own birthday party seems the same as planning your own bachelorette party, as long as you don't expect people to pay for you at your bachelorette. It actually sounds like the exact same thing. The newbs that come on here always say, "It will just be me asking my friends to come celebrate with me, I don't expect them to pay for anything." To me that seems like the same exact thing as planning your own birthday party.
    Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

    I just want clarification here.  Is getting friends together (you calling and asking, your birthday) for dinner and drinks throwing your own party?  Or is having a bbq and inviting friends over throwing your own party?  Or are you going for something totally different?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_plan-own-birthday-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ef07a9c-ff74-40c3-a064-b0422920595dPost:a3354762-0962-46f5-b021-05a79fa73051">Re: Do you plan your own birthday party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you plan your own birthday party? : I just want clarification here.  Is getting friends together (you calling and asking, your birthday) for dinner and drinks throwing your own party?  Or is having a bbq and inviting friends over throwing your own party?  Or are you going for something totally different?
    Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah, all of those are IMO. And all of those are the same types of things you could do to plan your own B-party.</div>
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  • CellesCelles member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited April 2010
    I think if you're hosting the party, then it's perfectly fine to plan it yourself.  A couple of birthdays ago, I invited a few friends over for a night of pizza, mixed drinks and board games.  It was really laid back, but quite possibly the best birthday party I've ever had (if only because alcohol + Janga = win!).

    If you're expecting to be treated, then I think someone else needs to initiate -- just like a bachelorette party or bridal shower.

    That said, a night out in which everyone pays their own way is a typical Saturday for a lot of people, so I don't think a "party" like this is necessary to host or a faux pas to plan.  Someone has to take the initiative everytime a group of friends goes out, so why shouldn't it be you on your birthday, y'know?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_plan-own-birthday-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ef07a9c-ff74-40c3-a064-b0422920595dPost:623f04f4-fc13-495b-88d6-fb778473f204">Re: Do you plan your own birthday party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think if you're hosting the party, then it's perfectly fine to plan it yourself.  A couple of birthdays ago, I invited a few friends over for a night of pizza, mixed drinks and board games.  It was really laid back, but quite possibly the best birthday party I've ever had (if only because alcohol + Janga = win!). If you're expecting to be treated, then I think someone else needs to initiate -- just like a bachelorette party or bridal shower. That said, a night out in which everyone pays their own way is a typical Saturday for a lot of people, so I don't think a "party" like this is necessary to host or a faux pas to plan.  Someone has to take the initiative everytime a group of friends goes out, so why shouldn't it be you on your birthday, y'know?
    Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

    <strong>Exactly</strong>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_plan-own-birthday-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ef07a9c-ff74-40c3-a064-b0422920595dPost:623f04f4-fc13-495b-88d6-fb778473f204">Re: Do you plan your own birthday party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think if you're hosting the party, then it's perfectly fine to plan it yourself.  A couple of birthdays ago, I invited a few friends over for a night of pizza, mixed drinks and board games.  It was really laid back, but quite possibly the best birthday party I've ever had (if only because alcohol + Janga = win!). If you're expecting to be treated, then I think someone else needs to initiate -- just like a bachelorette party or bridal shower. <div>
    </div><div><strong>That said, a night out in which everyone pays their own way is a typical Saturday for a lot of people, so I don't think a "party" like this is necessary to host or a faux pas to plan.  Someone has to take the initiative everytime a group of friends goes out, so why shouldn't it be you on your birthday, y'know?</strong>
    Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]
     </div><div>This is what I have a problem with. When you are hosting, there is a good chance people would bring birthday gifts. And if you want to get together for dinner or drinks with everyone paying their own way, that seems like the exact thing many girls say they will do if they plan their own bachelorette party. We say it's not okay because people will feel obligated to pay for you. I think it is the same for a birthday party.</div>
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  • I haven't read the other threads, but I have never, ever thrown myself a birthday party.  I think it's probably because I'm uncomfortable about people making a fuss anyway, so I can't imagine making myself uncomfortable on purpose.

    And I'm particularly uncomfortable even implying that people should get me presents.  Woo-I run from that as far and fast as I can.
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  • Celles, what you said is how I feel and what pretty much everyone I know seems to do.

    But Emily, what you said is where I'm now questioning how correct we are etiquette-wise. Technically you could plan your own bach party if all you want is to hang out as if it were any other night, ditto your birthday. But because most people will do something extra (treating you or bringing a present) once they find out the real motivation behind the party, it changes things.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_plan-own-birthday-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ef07a9c-ff74-40c3-a064-b0422920595dPost:3e09de94-077f-42ae-89c3-aca0b3516098">Re: Do you plan your own birthday party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Celles, what you said is how I feel and what pretty much everyone I know seems to do. But Emily, what you said is where I'm now questioning how correct we are etiquette-wise. Technically you could plan your own bach party if all you want is to hang out as if it were any other night, ditto your birthday. But because most people will do something extra (treating you or bringing a present) once they find out the real motivation behind the party, it changes things.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah that is my point. I don't know that it is "wrong" but I just wouldn't do it because of the "motivation" behind the party. </div>
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