Brunches

suz62984

I comment but I now have a post!

We are having around 30 OoT guests. I had planned to do a breakfast/brunch with my BMs, Mom and FMIL on the day of wedding; however I got a call last night from my FFIL's sister and she wants about 30 family members invited to the BM brunch. She also said she wanted to do a day after family brunch on my dime. Now my FI and I had not planned to do this because of our tight budget. We know this would be nice but we also don't have time since we are leaving for the honeymoon almost immediately. 

Should we just suck it up and have a day after brunch? Let her and the new fam in the day of brunch? Say look can't afford this and there will be no brunch...in a nice way?

I'm usually able to take care of these kinds of things but I have been warned about her personality and she is VERY VERY VERY PUSHY(more so than me)!!!

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_brunches?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ff6d5ed-db3f-40eb-b8c4-3f4476a85f7aPost:47b84ca1-7f5a-4b7b-b2d9-3c7fb67feefc">Brunches</a>:
[QUOTE]IWe are having around 30 OoT guests. I had planned to do a breakfast/brunch with my BMs, Mom and FMIL on the day of wedding; however I got a call last night from my FFIL's sister and she wants about 30 family members invited to the BM brunch. She also said she wanted to do a day after family brunch on my dime.
Posted by suz62984[/QUOTE]

Stick to your guns about the BM lunch, and I would definitely be giving her the side-eye about the "day after family brunch on my dime."  Tell her that a day after brunch isn't in the budget.  If you don't have the money for it, you don't.  Where's your FI during all this?  Since it's technically his family that is having the issue, he should be talking to them, or at least be right there backing you up.

SarahPLiz

I say keep the day of brunch to immediate family. Let her know that a day after brunch was not in your budget, nor in your plans, but if she would like to host one, she is welcome to do it.

If everyone is staying at the same hotel, then maybe they can all meet for breakfast the next day on their own dime. I've been to a wedding where this happened and it was really fun. The B&G werent there and they didn't pay for it, but we all still got together to visit the next mornint.  If they live in town, I don't see the rationale for a brunch the next day at all. They can all have cereal at their houses.

suz62984

He has been on the night schedule and hasn't been around when ppl come up with these things. He's good about defending me though. I told him and his reaction was "yeah...right!" He doesn't even have her number though. I don't know how she got mine. I've met her twice in the five years we've been together (which is as many times as he has seen or spoken to here too).

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_brunches?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ff6d5ed-db3f-40eb-b8c4-3f4476a85f7aPost:47b84ca1-7f5a-4b7b-b2d9-3c7fb67feefc">Brunches</a>:
[QUOTE]Say look can't afford this and there will be no brunch...in a nice way?
Posted by suz62984[/QUOTE]

Yes.

You could also say (or better yet, FI should talk to her if it's his sister, or maybe your FMIL can talk her down), "It's not in our budget to host a day-after brunch. If you really want to host one and pay for it, you're absolutely welcome to do so."

Then change the subject or politely walk away/hang up the phone. Ignore her if she keeps bringing it up. She will only push you around as much as you let her, so don't allow her the opportunity.  

SarahPLiz

In that case, just tell her you appreciate the suggestion, but that plans have already been made and adding people and another event are not in your budget.

Huskerfanz

I'd go with your orginial plan for your brunch/breakfast and not host a day after brunch, especially since you are leaving for your HM.

We left for our HM the morning after the wedding so we didn't host a day after brunch.  What I did do, though, was find a hotel that had meeting rooms that the extended families could use for reduced rates or free depending on how many rooms they booked.  They were allowed to bring in food as well (which the extended families arranged).  Our parents were the contact point for their own family so they handled everything after I found the hotel.  Maybe you could do something like that?

emilyinchile

I don't understand why FI's aunt has anything to do with anything, frankly. And nobody gets to add her family members to an event you're doing for YOUR close family and friends or tell you to throw an extra party. Add on the budget constraints and the fact that you're leaving on the HM, and my answer is no.

What info are we missing that would make you even consider this?

CTGirl30

Yikes, how rude! Bottom line is to be firm - I'm sure she'd love to attend a brunch on someone else's dime but if you don't have the energy / time / budget for it, nobody can force you to do anything you don't have the resources for. Don't feel like you need to open up your intimate bridal party luncheon to everyone just b/c she would like that. That would turn it into something way more stressful than it is meant to be or needs to be.

"The brunch we have planned for the day of the wedding will be limited to the bridal party and mothers of the bride & groom. As far as a day after brunch, it's a lovely idea but unfortunately, neither our budget nor travel plans for the honeymoon allow us to host anything day after the wedding. We look forward to celebrating with you and the out of town guests at the wedding reception, though."

suz62984

Emily- I didn't want to be rude and not have a day after brunch but I guess it isn't really a requirement. His family has been so cheap over the years that now they are VERY well off and want to show it. We are now expected to be very lavish too?!?!
She has practically taken over planning the rehearsal dinner because my FMIL is a huge push over. It really caught me off gaurd because also in our convo last night she mentioned that she had already picked out a photographer for me and invitations...I have both. I really don't know where all this came from. I was having such a smooth ride... Oh well

banana468

So your FI's aunt has decided that she wants to:
1) Invite 30 people to your party and get you to pay for them

AND

2) Have a day after brunch that you'll also pay for.


Tee hee.

I think it's best for your FI to handle this.

"Hi Auntie.  The future wife let me know that you're so excited about our upcoming wedding!  Right now though our time and budget are just totally tapped.  Unfortunately, we've already got the guest list set for the BM brunch and we'll be out of town on our honeymoon on the day after the wedding.  Thank you so much for thinking of us!  We'll make sure we do spend time with everyone at the wedding reception though."

The important thing is to nip this now rather than later and it needs to come from her family too.  Would FMIL also support a "no" answer?

banana468

And FI also needs to say, "Thank you for looking for the photog and invitations but we are all set!"

He needs to put her back in her place as nicely as possible.

baystateapple

Wow, Auntie sounds like quite the Auntzilla.  I think Banana's right, time to step aside and let your FI tactfully handle this situation.  Or better yet, FMIL or FFIL, who probably have been dealing with her much longer and know how to handle her better.  Best of luck to you. 

gottahavashorti

A day after brunch isn't necessary and she doesn't need to be invited to a bridal party brunch the day of.  "We're unable to accommodate your requests" or "I'm sorry, it's just not in the budget" and repeat as necessary.  If it matters that much to her, she can host it herself.

banana468

The big thing is to just make sure that she hears no fast from the appropriate people or it sounds like she might say, "But I already told these people that they're invited!"

In which case your FI would say, "You're more than welcome to host a party - unfortunately we're just not in the position to do so."

stina93446

Who died and made your aunt bride?!

CTGirl30

Stina, it's not even technically Suz's aunt - it's FFIL's sister! So, technically, FI's aunt....which is why he should have the honor of handling this one.

MyNameIsNot

"Sorry, the wedding day brunch is just for the BMs.  It will be too much to be hosting a large group on that day."

I feel you on that one.  My MIL tried to add all of her female family members to the getting ready at my house the morning of.  It's not that I didn't want to meet them, it's that I wanted to have some chill time with just the BMs and the moms before all the chaos of the day.  Adding even 4 more people into the hair rotation would have been a mess.

"A day after brunch sounds lovely!  Unfortunately, it isn't in our budget.  If you'd like to host something, you're welcome to." 

This is really presumptuous of her, and you need to shut her down.

suz62984

I know a day after brunch would be good but I just got the pricing and ummmm NO! (I was curious). I'm glad to know that everyone thinks it is ok to not have one.
Its just so laughable. I never in a million years thought that someone would just call me up and say "I really want our family to come to you BM brunch or for you to have a day after brunch for all of us." And yes...this is a quote! haha

gottahavashorti

I'd be telling her that it was nice of her to offer to hold a day after brunch.

You could always suggest hotels with breakfast buffets or continental breakfasts so she can host her own day after brunch, since it sounds like she doesn't want ot pay for it.

suz62984

HAHAHA-I like it gotta!
"I called the event coordinator and got pricing for the brunch for you. She's excited about hosting your brunch the day after" haha

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_brunches?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2ff6d5ed-db3f-40eb-b8c4-3f4476a85f7aPost:53fce9aa-cffc-4369-b051-9eb944011043">Re: Brunches</a>:
[QUOTE]Stina, it's not even technically Suz's aunt - it's FFIL's sister! So, technically, FI's aunt....which is why he should have the honor of handling this one.
Posted by CTGirl30[/QUOTE]

My bad! I suck.....and so does Suz's FFIL's sister.....<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />