Female Usher?

arffy916

What do you think of having female and male ushers?  My fiance and I are having some issues with the bridal party.  We started with 3 attendants, 2 flower girls, a ring bearer, 2 candle lighters and 2 ushers.  Now we have 5 attentands and the rest the same with 2 pending people we want in the party.  One of his men hasn't officially said he would be a groomsmen and I have a cousin I've asked to be a bridesmaid but let her know that we haven't officially set it yet but want her involved either way.  She's cool with that.  I was thinking about having her be one of the ushers if my fiance's friend declines or just doesn't say anything. Any other ideas for what she can do?

xoxob

You don't need even sides so even if your FI's friend says no, she can still be in your WP.

ps. I also have no problem with female ushers.

trix1223

WPs are NOT about symmetry or gender any more, and that's a good thing.  Your cousin can most certainly still be in the WP, even if your FIs friend declines.  You'll still be just as married with an uneven WP are you will with an even one.

Please don't leave someone out because of a random number.  And yes, there's absolutely no reason that a woman can't hand someone a program and show them to their seat.

arffy916

Maybe it's my OCD but I want the numbers to be even in the party. haha but thanks for all the good advice!   Plus I figured if she still wanted to wear the BM dress she could and still be an usher, right?

xoxob

I think that would be weird. If you want her to wear the dress, have her be a BM. I think it's really foolish to think of numbers before people. Ushers aren't in pictures you know, do you want her in your pictures?

trix1223

If she's not a BM, I wouldn't make her buy the same dress as the BMs are wearing.  That would just be weird.  If I were a guest at a wedding, and there was one girl in the same dress as the WP, but she didn't stand up front during the ceremony, I'd wonder what the deal was.  IMO, she either is a BM or she's not.  And an usher is NOT a BM.

Really-just lose the symmetry notion.  It's just silly to put a number over a family member.  I'm hoping that some of the brides who had asymmetical WPs will post a link to their photos, so you can see how it looks.

Honestly, what's the worst that can happen here?  One lucky guy gets to escort two lovely ladies?

deepcovejackie

Hopefully your cousin was really ok with being asked as a bridesmaid, or not, depending on your numbers.  I'd probably be kind of hurt by that.  She's like, the benched bridesmaid.

Give up your idea of symmetry and have the people around you that you feel closest to.  I'd probably put your cousin in the WP immediately so that she won't feel like she was last choice.

aerinpegadrak

The girlfriend of one of our GMs has OCD about even numbers.  As in, she's had serious panic attacks triggered by there being an odd number of pieces of silverware at her place setting.  She's undergone extensive counseling for it, and to this day has to basically trick her mind into thinking that an odd number is really even.

OCD is a serious mental illness.  If you really had it, you wouldn't joke about it.  Unless you're as severe as my friend, you don't HAVE to have even sides, you just want them.  And if that's worth snubbing people who are important to you and delegating them to lesser roles, then that's your business.

trix1223

aerin, I almost wrote the same thing:  it bothers me when people say they have OCD and follow it up with "ha ha" or "lol". 

There's a huge difference between being picky and having a diagnosed illness.

Okay......stepping away from the soapbox now.

arffy916

I apologize, I shouldn't have said it like that.  I'm not officially diagnosed with OCD but I do have certain things that have to be just right or I do go pretty crazy worrying about it being off and have to fix it or else I can't stop obsessing about it.