When is a bridal party just too big????

Princessgia07

Hello Ladies!!!  My BF and I are talking about getting engaged and discussing wedding ideas.  I have ALOT of close friends.  When it comes to the bridal party I think i have about 10.  How big is too big and how do you choose without hurting someone's feelings??  My cousins and close friends mean the world to me and I don't want to hurt any of them, but it's hard to choose. 

Thanks!!!

MsYeck

Depends on your guest count. If your having 500 people that "might" be ok. Personally unless their sisters i think anything over 5 looks odd. keep in mind the more you have the more likely your gonna have issues and drama. Being a guest or a reader is an honor too.

Princessgia07

Neither of us have sisters.  I am an only child and he has a brother.  So, i grew up with my cousins and some of my close friends as sisters.  We are probably having a small wedding most likely.  Figured it would look odd but i just wanted some input out there. 

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_when-is-a-bridal-party-just-too-big?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3107c195-cfe9-4387-a21e-d96d8a853bb6Post:fe50973e-988f-4196-9a0f-e05f62e6bd9c">When is a bridal party just too big????</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello Ladies!!!  My BF and I are talking about getting engaged and discussing wedding ideas.  I have ALOT of close friends.  When it comes to the bridal party I think i have about 10.  How big is too big and how do you choose without hurting someone's feelings??  My cousins and close friends mean the world to me and I don't want to hurt any of them, but it's hard to choose.  Thanks!!!
Posted by Princessgia07[/QUOTE]
There is really no rule to how big or small a wedding party should be. Personally, I think it's too big when you are listing everyone's name and you get confused, so you have to start over again, but this time writing it down so you can check your list to make sure you haven't repeated someone.

Take your budget into consideration, too. You're supposed to get each girl some sort of gift. The gift doesn't have to be expensive, but even inexpensive gifts can add up. And then there are the bridesmaids bouquets to consider, then rehearsal dinner, maybe a limo or what ever else you might want. It really all adds up and the more people you have, the more money you might spend. So please consider your budget.


No one's feelings should be hurt if you don't ask them. And if their feelings are hurt, they're being ridiculous. You can always include those girls in other ways, like if someone throws you a shower, you can request they be on the guest list. You can take special pictures with them at the wedding, all that stuff. Maybe invite them to come have breakfast on the morning of your wedding day, even.

You can always have just family on your side of the wedding party. Or have just a MOH and leave it at that. Or no one. But if you want a bridal party, then just remember that anyone you don't ask <em>will</em> survive. It's not like you're telling them you don't love them. Inviting them to your wedding and having them as a guest is pretty special, too.

msuprincess04

The other option is just to have a maid of honor and best man. And if anyone asks, say that you just couldn't choose between friends and this was the best way. You'll find that freinds who want to be involved will offer help even if they don't have a title. And a friend who doesn't want to be involved probably wouldn't even with a title. Anyone can throw you a shower or bach party, as they are gifts and no one's "job" to do. Plus, as others have said, less people often means less drama.

Or keep it to immediate family only (but I'd really only do that if you are really close to your siblings).

mcda04

I personally think 10 is too much. If you're concerned about having this many and don't want to hurt anyones feelings, you can always choose to have no BM's. your friends can still hear your ideas and what not but you aren't stuck excluding some friends.

Also, if you do have BM's; don't ask them until 6 months before the wedding.

Jessa617

First, I would wait until the end of the summer to choose your party. Second, you choose who is nearest and dearest to you. With that being said, when it comes time to choose your party and you still have 10 people you really want by your side, then so be it. Just remember that means 10 bouquets and 10 gifts as well.

MsYeck

As a bridesmaid in my brothers wedding I spent: Dress 100 Shoes 50 Dress alterations 50 Strapless bra for HUGE boobs 60 Nails (mandatory) 30 Hair (Mandatory) 40 Bridal shower expenses (per girl mandatory) 30 Bachelorette (mandatory) expenses 40 Total 400, not counting her engagement party gift, bridal shower gift, boudoir gift, wedding gift or dinner/drink costs for balchlorette party. I probably spend $700. Being a bridesmaid is really expensive (2.5% of my income). Do you really think all 10 could afford it?

AddieCake

I agree to wait until you are engaged to discuss wedding planning.

AJuliaNJ

Your bridal party should be as large as you want it to be. However, keep in mind that you have to be able to coordinate them. Are you comfortable making sure 10 girls ordered (and like) their dresses before the "rush fee" goes into effect for the whole group, scheduling hair and makeup (if you are offering that), helping out BMs financially who gave you one budget then changed their minds, and dealing with any drama that comes up? I didn't think any of these things would be a problem, but all of them have already been a problem with my BP.

QueerFemme

Personally, I think 10 is a large number and starts to look very AWish to me.  If your guest list is enormous, then maybe I could see it. But, anything less than 300 guests and I think it would look silly.

bridalmarch

I don't think 10 is too many... I have 7 and FI has 8. We've had almost zero drama. I've never really noticed the size of a wedding party. I did watch some bride show once and the girl had 18 bridesmaids. That's too many. 

libby2483

I think a WP becomes too big when it doesn't fit in your budget.  If you have a rehearsal, which is typical and probably a good idea with that many people to coordinate, you need to invite every WP member and his or her SO to the rehearsal dinner.  You also need to consider the cost of a bouquet for each BM, a boutonniere for each GM, and a gift for all WP members.  These things can add up more than you thing -- I think each of my BM's bouquets was like $60 (this of course will vary by region and preference).

The more people, the more difficult it is to coordinate things like purchasing attire as well.  There is also more potential for drama with more people.  And, while there is no magic number of "too big", I do think it looks odd when people have huge WPs and smaller weddings.  At my cousin's wedding, her BMs were literally lining the sides of the tiny church, and I felt like there were only a few more guests than WP members.

thejucheidea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_when-is-a-bridal-party-just-too-big?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3107c195-cfe9-4387-a21e-d96d8a853bb6Post:419e83be-52cc-40e6-ac57-497ace31edbc">Re:When is a bridal party just too big????</a>:
[QUOTE] I'd also wait until you're actually engaged. Focus on you your bf's relationship.
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
THIS.

mattycam

There is no rule; have as many people in your WP as you would like.

I am sure your number or choices will change between now and the months leading up to your wedding day.

nda8414

It's your wedding, so I'd say do whatever you and FI can agree upon.  Don't worry about anyone else's opinion.  Congratulations.

nycrose2013

I have 9 bridesmaids and 9 groomsmen at a 200 person formal wedding, and so far it hasn't been too bad. I actually had to exclude some people I really care about to even get down to 9! Yes you can run into some drama with more people, but if you are laid back and easygoing, that won't happen. I don't ask my bridesmaids for anything, hair and makeup is optional, and they chose their own dresses from a collection I liked. It has been easy as pie and I am so happy to have all of them with me.

However, and it is a big however, it gets very expensive. I just bought (the first part!!) of their bridesmaid gifts and it cost me almost $650.00. All told, their gifts will probably total about $800.00, not counting my gift for my sister/MOH will be even more expensive than the $100 or so I spent for the other girls. Their presence alone has made our rehearsal dinner have about 50 people, and we had to get a 25 person limo bus. Luckily our families are contributing and no one has complained about the costs, but I know it would have been much less if I was able to have fewer BP members. Also, as far as my sister tells me, it has been hard to corral that many people to plan stuff. Not that you should expect a  bachelorette or a shower, but if you have them the hosts have a lot more work to do trying to involve the girls in the planning (if they want to be involved). It's a lot of organization and a lot of opinions to take into account

I don't think any one number looks bad, it is really more about what you can afford and what you can handle. I think if you have that many people that are special to you, you are a lucky girl

Princessgia07

Thank you Everyone!!!  I'm going to downsize it, I wasn't thinking about everything else that comes into play with it.  Obviously i knew the gifts would be more expensive with a bigger party but didn't think about a bigger limo and the higher guest list at the rehersal dinner.    Obviously, me and my BF are enjoying our relationship!  It's been a dream come true.  Rings alreay in....he's just waiting for the right time to ask and throw me off.  LOL  This is why we are already talking and planning for the wedding. 

Thanks again!!!

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_when-is-a-bridal-party-just-too-big?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3107c195-cfe9-4387-a21e-d96d8a853bb6Post:eced1632-8c66-4f35-9e68-1de009ae7df6">Re: When is a bridal party just too big????</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you Everyone!!!  I'm going to downsize it, I wasn't thinking about everything else that comes into play with it.  Obviously i knew the gifts would be more expensive with a bigger party but didn't think about a bigger limo and the higher guest list at the rehersal dinner.    Obviously, me and my BF are enjoying our relationship!  It's been a dream come true.  <strong>Rings alreay in....he's just waiting for the right time to ask and throw me off.</strong>  LOL  This is why we are already talking and planning for the wedding.  Thanks again!!!
Posted by Princessgia07[/QUOTE]

So you are engaged.  Just because you don't have the ring on your finger yet doesn't mean that you aren't.  If you two have decided to get married, ring or not, then you are engaged.  Congrats!

But with the bolded.  Since you already know that he has the ring and is going to ask you I don't understand how him waiting to "throw you off" will make it a surprise.  You know it is coming.  He may as well just hand you the box and say "So, is it still a yes?"

hollyk224

My brother and sister-in-law had 9 bridesmaids and 9 groomsmen. In my opinion, it was way too big.  The pictures of the bridal party were really crowded and you couldn't see everyone's faces because we were so squished together.  However, there is no rule as to how many you should or shouldn't have.  It's definitely all up to you and your personal choice.  In our wedding we had 5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen, and it was the perfect size for us.  Do what feels right for you!

jeannieomc

I would say do whatever YOU feel is best.  At the end of it all, you need to be happy with what you decide.   

We have a huge wedding party, but it is actually broken up a little bit.  I come from a big immediate family (I'm the oldest of 7), so that definitely factored in.  I have 8 bridesmaids (two of which are sisters), my fiance has 8 groomsmen, and then we will have 3 junior bridesmaids (2 are sisters of mine, 1 is my fiance's cousin), and my brother is a "junior groomsman".  I am going to have my fiance's cousin walk in, and then have my brother escort my 2 sisters.  Add a flower girl (also my sister), and a ring bearer, and we're up to 22 people.

I'm not having the juniors or flowergirl/ring bearer stand with us during the ceremony however.  I knew I wanted all of my siblings included, so this worked out perfectly for us.