Am i obligated to have someone as a bridesmaid if I was their Maid of Honor?

kacallaghan

My fiance and I recently got engaged.  Last weekend was my fiance's best friends' wedding.  The bride (we'll call her Sarah) asked me to be her Maid of Honor last year.  And although I was hesitant, because I did not know her that well, I said yes... mainly because I felt sorry for her that she did not have any closer girlfriends.  She is the type of girl who always likes to hang out with the guys.  I went through with all my Maid of Honor duties, and now I would say I consider her a friend.  But I still do not feel close enough to her to ask her to be a bridesmaid in my own wedding.  When I told this to my fiance, he became very upset.  He said he considers Sarah as a sister to him.  I am already having my fiance's actual sister stand up in our wedding, along with my two sisters, and my two best girlfriends from college.  I also want to have two other close girlfriends stand up, but they are ex-girlfriends of two of the groomsmen.  So, I have decided to not ask them.  If I were to ask Sarah to stand up, these other two close girlfriends would be terribly hurt, because they know I am not close with Sarah.  Help!  Should I ask Sarah to be a bridesmaid for my fiance's sake?  In hindsight, I should have told Sarah no to being her Maid of Honor.  But I can't change that now.

beautifulvice

You have no obligation to ask her to be a bridesmaid.  And if FI considers her "as a sister" then he can ask Sarah to stand up on his side.

ETA: Also, if you want those two other girls to stand up for you, everyone should be able to act like an adult for one day (unless there was some sort of serious abuse or something of that nature).

kacallaghan

Thank you for your input.  My first inclination was to not have her stand up, but I just needed some unbiased advice to confirm it.  So thank you! 

MelissaJB22

No.  You are not obligated at all!

AEPerpete

Not obligated, and hopefully there will be no hurt feelings on her part. Also, if your FI gives you a hard time about it, you can remind him that he got to choose his side, and you get to choose yours, like the ladies said, if he wants her in it, he can have her on his side, but if you didn't interfere with who he has picked so far, he shouldn't with yours.Goodluck!

starrynight84

I agree with PP. You're not obligated to have her. FI can ask her to stand on his side. You should have your two girlfriends as bridesmaids regardless of who's ex they might be. 

If I were in your shoes, I probably would have her as a bridesmaid because I wouldn't want to hurt her  feelings. And I'm sure she will be hurt if you don't ask her. But bottom line is, you are under no obligation to ask her. 

MeagMcNamara

I asked my Df's friend to be one of bridemaid's and he in turned asked my brother.  Technically it should be swapped but we were happy with our decision.  Remember you have to live with your DF for next fifty+ years and is this worth putting your foot down  on?  I don't know.  That is a question you need to answer.   Good luck.

vbandell

the bridal party should be your choice, the women up there need to be the women you need up there to support you on your big day. By fiance has two younger sisters and he was wanting them to be bridesmaids but I was honest with him and told him that is just not what i am wanting and he understood. Im sure your fiance will understand as well.

jesslynn1012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-i-obligated-to-have-someone-as-a-bridesmaid-if-i-was-their-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:351de033-60e2-411b-b185-b71252e024d7Post:daf5e469-8a27-4675-847d-7e94e57a83e1">Re: Am i obligated to have someone as a bridesmaid if I was their Maid of Honor?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with PP. You're not obligated to have her. FI can ask her to stand on his side. You should have your two girlfriends as bridesmaids regardless of who's ex they might be.  If I were in your shoes, I probably would have her as a bridesmaid because I wouldn't want to hurt her  feelings. And I'm sure she will be hurt if you don't ask her. But bottom line is, you are under no obligation to ask her. 
Posted by starrynight84[/QUOTE]

I feel the same way.  No, you are NOT obligated to have her as a bridesmaid, but I would personally feel awful if I didn't ask her.  And if my FI wanted me to ask her, I would.  I want my brothers to be in the bridal party, and my FI will have them on his side as groomsmen (regardless of the fact that they technically should be on my side).  I think the most important thing is how you and your FI feel about it.