Wedding Party problems

jenkorsch

Well- to start off with, My FI and his brothers are not particularly close. He has asked his four closest friends to stand up with him and his two brothers to be Ushers. Now, one of his brothers vocalized to ME that he is "pi**ed off" that he isn't standing up with his brother.  Is it ok to include siblings in the wedding in ways other than bridesmaids and groomsmen? I don't want to hurt feelings but we wanted people we're closest with to stand up with us on our big day. Are we in the wrong for including them in other ways? We still love them, and want them included.  Is there any way to keep the peace and still have our wedding the way we want? Anyone have any insight??

bablingbrooke

It's wrong of his brother to say anything about it. The WP is a very personal decision and no one is "owed" a spot.

However, when it comes to family you have to take the long view.  Yes, it's "your day" and you are entitled to the WP of your choice.  But you have to consider the effect of not including siblings.  Is this the sort of thing that will blow over by the time of the wedding, or with the brother hold a grudge about it for a long time, possibly years?  Are other family members causing drama about it?  If that's the case, it's probably worth it to have his siblings in the WP.  If you think about it, there isn't much difference between them being ushers and them being GM, except if they're GM you've spared yourself a headache.  I had the obligatory family member in my WP (my sister) and survived.  Sometimes it's worth it to not fight about this.

You have so long until the wedding that I'd recommend waiting until July at the earliest and then revisit this.  The brother may have cooled off, your FI may have changed his mind.  If you haven't asked everyone in the WP yet, hold off from doing so.  There's no reason to ask this early.

BTW: If he does add his brothers as GM, no, you don't have to find two more warm bodies to serve as BM in order to "even out the sides."

LarissaAnn

I agree with Brooke, but will just add... Your fiance needs to talk to his brother either way.  It's their relationship, and that's more important than what role the guy has in the wedding.  Also, will making the complainer a groomsman now even help, or will it be, "Well, you only asked because I complained, and you don't really want me."

jenkorsch

This was my first post-and I have to say, I already love you guys!! Thanks for replying. I know it's SO early before my wedding, but I'm just an early planning type of girl. Thanks again

bablingbrooke

Totally understandable (I'm an early planner too) but keep in mind that there's nothing for the WP to do at this point and relationships can change.  So waiting a few months may resolve everything as tempers cool off.  Glad you liked the WP board experience, come back often

LarissaAnn

Oh, I get it!  I'm a procrastinator usually, but when it's something you're excited about, like your engagement/wedding, it's really hard to restrain yourself.  I just headed off the "asking too early" or any of those issues by having an 8 month engagement!  LOL

CTGirl30

Yup, nobody is owed a spot in the WP as was mentioned above. It's rude to bring it up so FI's brother was in the wrong to do so, but FI should be the one to talk it out with his brother. Sounds like his feelings are still hurt even though he and your FI may not be particularly close as siblings.

It's fine to have siblings in other roles if you so decide - my FI's sister and his (soon to be our) sister-in-law will each be doing a reading. We're incorporating family as much as we can (2 readers, 3 family members are groomsmen, 2 will be greeters handing out programs before the ceremony begins, the FG and RB are neice & nephew of the groom....).

You can't have everyone be in the WP - best case scenario is that people understand that and don't put the bride and groom in an awkward spot by asking "Why wasn't I asked?!?!?"  Sometimes that happens, though, with family members or friends and a tactful response is "We couldn't have asked everyone to be in the WP but we love you and can't wait to celebrate with you on our wedding day."