Groom doesn't want wedding attendants :(

Allistock

I moved from CT to MN to be with my fiance, who's normally a pretty easy-going guy.  For some reason, he's uber-opinionated about NOT wanting to have groomsmen/bridesmaids.  I want my friends to be up there for me and I'm trying to think of a good way to try to make him ok with this.  One of his biggest complaints is that his friends already have to fly to CT and now we're springing tux rentals, etc on them (for which I have zero sympathy, given how much I've spent on attending weddings).  I need something besides "because I said so" that won't make me seem like a bride beast! 

gottahavashorti

You can always have bridesmaids even if he doesn't have groomsmen, or have your friends do readings.

stina93446

If he is against it solely for tux rentals, maybe ask them to wear suits that they already own? Or you pay for their tux rental?

And as for your side, i'd just tell him that it's not his decision as to whether or not you have bms, just if he has gm.

MyNameIsNot

Ok, FI, if you don't want to have any GMs, that's your decision.  I'm still having BMs, though.  It's important to me to have my friends up there with me.

MyNameIsNot

I think you got it, Stina

jeannigirl

He doesn't have to have GM's but he should not tell you that you can't have your friends on your side. So is he saying "because I said so"? He needs to be able to explain why he feels the way he does and back it up.

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blackfire5th

There are other options besides tux rentals.  Also, you ask people to be in wedding.  They usually understand that it will mean travel and attire expenses.  If they don't want to pay, they decline.

fullilove1

Hello how are you

banana468

I think you need to say, "I understand if you don't want GM but it's important to ME to have BMs and I don't want you making that decision for me."

Remember, your friends get to accept or decline the honor.  It's not a mandate to be in the BP.

aerinpegadrak

Everyone else has pretty much nailed it.  You don't get to dictate each other's wedding party.  He's allowed to choose not to have groomsmen, and you're allowed to choose to have bridesmaids.

Anon I. Mouse

You can't MAKE him "okay" with it. I find it rather interesting that yo state he is normally pretty "laid back" but "uber opinionated" about this...if you have been in a long distance relationship for a while you may find he is "uber opinionated" about many other things too - this is a great opportunity to start to explore more how you deal with differences in opinion!

Anyway, ahat you can say is that you respect he does not want GMs, however you DO want BMs.

And discuss, with an open mind and with a goal together of finding a mutual solution, more his reasons for not wanting his friends to "spring for a tux". I mean there are alternatives such as renting, or wearing suits they own. And, they can always decline the invite to be in the wedding party.

FI and I are not having a wedding party. He did not really want one as wanted it to be just us up there (and our guest list is only 18 people so we wanted them all to hang out and be guests..it's a rather informal wedding).  However, he also shared that if I wanted someone up there that was more than okay, even if he did not have someone. I did not feel strongly one way or the other so was alright with none, and am glad for it. It suits our wedding ceremony a lot better that way