Wedding Party

Crazy possible Bridesmaid?

I have come out of lurk-mode for a question. Recently engaged-getting married next year(yay!). I have a bridesmaid dilemma (new and different, I know). One friend, who I have known since college, has basically turned in to a hot mess. She is erratic, seems to be on something (got knows what?) and has horrible social skills. She has turned in to a completely different person than the girl we once knew. Our friends feel bad for her and have tried repeatedly to help, but nothing seems to work. Also, my FI hates her (he never knew her "before" and only sees the crazy). Seems like a silly question, but how the hell do I tell her Im not asking her to be in my bridal party without causing World War 3? We have a close group of girlfriends from College and to cut ONLY her out would cause Shitstorm 2010. Help!

Re: Crazy possible Bridesmaid?

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    There is no polite way to tell someone they aren't a BM.  Its not a conversation you should ever start.  If she asks you if she's a BM, you say "No unfortunately we weren't able to have everyone in our WP, but we are so excited to have you there as a guest."  If she asks who is in it just tell her and then change the subject.  Don't feel pressured into having this girl only because you are afraid of her reaction. 
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
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    I second Brooke, amazingly :D  I wouldn't say anything to her about it.  You don't have to tell her why she's not a BM if she asks.  You don't have to even tell her you're not asking her to be in the WP.  Just act like everything is normal and if she asks about it, say you could only afford so many or that you and your fiance decided on a certain number of people for each side.  Then change the subject asap!

    If she gets upset, that's NOT your fault.  Clearly she is in a bad place in her life right now; you don't want that to distort your wedding planning process etc.  Be gentle but firm in your reasoning.  Don't act like you have to apologize, because you have nothing to say "sorry" for.

    I'm sure, if it comes up, it'll be a hard few minutes, but don't let it go much longer than that or you will have a bigger problem than you need.

    Good luck!
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    I had a similar experience with one of my friends, although the situation was less serious because I don't think there was a drug problem involved.  Anyway, this girl and I used to be very close but have sort of grown apart over the years.  I moved across the country and she was very difficult to keep in touch with, and whenever I did come home to visit the only times I'd see her was if I somehow managed to get to wherever she happened to be out drinking.  Basically she is still living the lifestyle we enjoyed together 8 years ago, and that's her prerogative to do so, but its not where I'm at anymore.

    Cut to last December at our engagement party.  She sort of assumed she was going to be in the wedding party, and when the younger crowd went out together after the party ended she got into my purse and drunkenly scrawled in my day planner "I'd better be a bridesmaid!!!!!" or something like that. 

    I didn't know what to do, so I ignored it.  I asked my other friends to be bridesmaids and never mentioned it to her.  She must have figured out eventually that she wasn't in the party, and thankfully had the decency not to bring it up.  I can't imagine how that conversation would have gone, but I like PP's ideas about being vague and saying "you know, we love you, but just couldn't include everybody."

    Bottom line is, friendships change.  You are not a bad person for not wanting this girl standing up with you on your wedding day, no matter how close you used to be.  Choose the people that you care about the most and don't let anyone make you feel badly for doing so.
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