When is it appropriate to step in and take more control?

chikychik13

I have a BM that always had family issues but it has been alot since May.  We asked her to be in our wedding almost a year ago and we are getting married 1 month from today.  I understand situations come up so thats why I haven't acted like a bridezilla....but now I feel like I need to step in...

Her father passed away in May 2012, she got married June 2012, and just got back from their honeymoon and her grandfather had open heart surgery, also they are building a house too.  These situations are heart wrenching and I have been totally supportive of her and her family and giving her space to handle everything.   

She had her first fitting for her dress scheduled but because of family she couldn't go.  She doesn't have a rescheduled appointment and tells me she's now going to take it to her wedding gown alterations lady and for me to not worry.  This dress still has to be shipped to a different state for the wedding.  When should I step in if things aren't handled?

afeliz79

Step in and do what exactly? I assume she knows the date of the wedding, so she knows by when she needs her dress. There is nothing to be done by you.

Unless, you are offering to run the errands that need to be done to get the dress to her. Then do that whenever you want to.

Maggie0829

You don't.  She is an adult and can handle things on her own.  You have to trust that she will get the dress altered in a timely manner.

As far as shipping the dress...do you mean that the dress has to be shipped to her so she can get it altered or do you mean that  you have to ship the dress to where your wedding is taking place?  If it is the latter, why don't you just let your BMs take their dresses with them when they travel?  If it is the former, I suggest you get your butt to FedEx and get her that dress!

aerinpegadrak

When she shows up to the wedding without a dress.  The ceremony is the deadline for getting the dress, not earlier.  She has a lot going on, she'll figure it out on her own time.  Most people don't actually need alterations on the dresses anyway; it might not look quite as good if it doesn't fit like a glove, but it's probably still wearable.

jemmini6

You don't.  She's an adult, let her handle it.  If she doesn't get her dress altered in time, then she'll either have to pay rush fees or have an ill-fitting dress, but that's all on her.  If you step in and micromanage this, it's going to come off, not only as annoying especially considering her family issues, but bridezilla-ish too. 

Trust me, you'll be much happier in the long run if you don't stress about the stuff you cannot change.  You can biiitch and moan at her all you want to get a fitting, but in the end, you can't do it without her there, and she won't be there until she's able, so this boils down to one of those situations you can't control.  Let it go, I'm sure it will turn out just fine.

FWIW, the alterations on my BMs dress for my sisters wedding took less than 24 hours.  You still have a month to go, there's no rush yet.

Good luck!  Your wedding will be amazing no matter what because you are marrying the man of your dreams.  Just keep repeating that when you get stressed about these types of details.

ElisabethJoanne

I agree with PPs.

I'll only add that just because there's a wedding going on, you do not need to be more formal or less helpful than you usually would be. If this is the kind of friend to whom you'd say in normal life, "Can I take that to the post office for you? I know you're really busy, and it's 2 blocks from my office." (or whatever needs to be done) go ahead and do it for wedding stuff.