BP issue..advice please!

beckster5551

I got engaged in Aug of 2009. We were going to get married in Sept of 2010 but had to push back the wedding date until May of 2011. I had already asked my BM a month or so into the engagement. For the past few months neither my MOH or one of my BM has been talking to me. I have called, sent text messages, e-mailed and even randomly shown up at one of their homes. I have heard nothing in return. I know we all have busy lives but these are my two best friends and they are not talking to me. I'm not sure what to do. Should I still plan on having them in the wedding? Should I ask someone else to replace them? To me it feels like they no longer want to be my friend, so ended the friendship does not seem like an issue. I'm just not sure how to do it.

Any advice would be helpful!

bablingbrooke

You have over a year until the wedding so that shouldn't be part of any conversation or concern.  It is so far away that it should be a complete non-issue in this.

Has something happened to them?  Are they hearing you talk non-stop about a wedding that isn't going to happen for 14 more months?  Are you all recent graduates starting new jobs and new lives?  

If they've completely cut you off, you need to look internally as well as externally.  Did you do something to make them not want to speak to you and/or did something happen to them.

You do not have  a BM problem.  You have a friend problem.

mbcdefg

I'm really puzzled as to how two people would suddenly stop speaking to you. Something must have happened between you and them. Like Brooke said, really sit and think about the situation. If an apology is owed on your part, have you offered them one yet?

But if you truly think that the friendships have run their course (and not just because they're not responding to being in your wedding), then if you want to boot them then I think you should at least let them know that you want to end the friendships and not see them at the wedding, or ever again. But like Brooke said, maybe give it some more time ... if you give them the info about the dresses and they don't go out and get them, then they've taken themselves out of the wedding and you're off the hook.

If they drop out, or if you boot them, do not replace them. If someone wasn't good enough to be asked to be a bridesmaid the first time around, then they shouldn't be asked to be slot-fillers. People know when they are replacements, and it's not a good feeling. They may not tell you to your face, but it hurts to know that you were only asked because other people dropped out.

mags0607

Ask this question again in late 2010 if they still aren't talking to you. Until then, just see if the friendships work themselves out in the meantime. It seems as though there is probably more to this story, because it is odd that two friends just up and stopped talking to you.

beckster5551

I can't think of any thing that has happened between us. Both of them have new boyfriends but that is the only change. I really don't talk about the wedding much unless I am ask. I guess I will just see were the friendship goes over the next few months. I guess I just don't know when to stop trying to contact them. 

thanks for the advice!

mbcdefg

How old are you guys? Do they have a history of disappearing or ignoring friends when they get new boyfriends? I know a lot of young people who do this, but I also have friends who are in their 30s and do the same thing.

If this is typical behavior for them, I definitely would not kick them out. I would just wait it out and see what happens. Again, if they don't talk to you in the coming months, just give them the dress info and then the ball's in their court.

Under no circumstances should you replace them, whether they drop out or are kicked out. Just go on with whoever you have left. Your side does not need to match your FI's side.