Im Conflicted about BM

gower2be

I really want my eldest neice as a brides maid but because there is only about a year and half between her and her sister I feel I might be obligated to have the younger in the party. I love her to death but she is really immature and both are young the older of the two will be16 or 17 (cant keep track) and thats as young as I care to go. What would the Knotties do?

bablingbrooke

Well, this is a case where I'd say weigh the pros and cons and come out on the side of what will cause the least amount of problems.  I'm of the belief that it's not the end of the world to add someone to the WP if not adding her would create a major headache.  Especially family who will be at the wedding and pre-wedding events anyway--it's not that much extra to have her wear the dress and stand up next to you holding flowers for a half hour or so (or even less).  So that's how I would go about evaluating it.  

I would also ask myself "If Katie is in the wedding, what is the worst thing that will happen?"  And then ask yourself how likely that is.  And then think about what realistically will happen if you don't ask her--will she make a big fuss and create family drama? Will she try to create drama and fail?  Or will she not care?

Not everyone shares this POV, but I guess I offer it as someone who had an obligatory family member who was AWFUL and still didn't manage to ruin the day.  Frankly, no one person's behaviour will ruin your wedding day once you see your FI--you're on such a high and so busy (100 people pulling you in 100 directions) that you won't ven notice the bad behaviour, much less be bothered by it.

CTGirl30

Any chance the younger one might develop a little more maturity over the next year or so? You have a long ways to go until your wedding still - it's best not to ask BMs until about 6-9 months out - any earlier and there's nothing for them to really do...dresses don't need to be ordered until about 5 months from the wedding, really...At 16 months to go, you have lots of time before you need to actually ask anyone (family OR friends).

But if they're sisters very close in age, it might be best to just ask them both for the sake of avoiding jealousy / rivaly...but then, it really depends on whether they're the type to get very competitive over stuff like that or if they're the type who woudln't really be bothered.

mbcdefg

I'd personally wait about six months before asking either of them, to see if they grow up a bit more. There's no need to ask your bridesmaids 16 months ahead of time, so WAIT on asking anyone just now - nieces OR friends. This might save you a lot of headache down the line.

When the time comes to ask people, you have three options:

1. Only ask the niece that you want to ask. You're not obligated to ask anyone to be a bridesmaid - family, friend, girl who you served as a BM for, the sister of someone you REALLY want, etc.

2. Ask both and keep the peace. All a bridesmaid has to do is wear the dress and show up to the wedding, so it's really not a big deal if she's a bit immature. As long as she's not acting up during the ceremony, her maturity level really has nothing to do with her being a BM.

3. Ask neither and avoid it all together. Maybe ask them to do readings or bring up Communion instead - that way, they're involved, but on a lesser scale.

megk8oz

As another bride who had an obligatory BM that was not so pleasant to deal with, I'm going to ditto what Brooke has to say.

Please don't ask anybody to be BM until you're at around the 6-9 month mark from your wedding.

People change a lot over time, and it's the truth: nobody's going to "ruin your day" unless you allow them to do so.

Finally, if having one sister and not the other is going to cause a lot of family drama, then you're probably better off just keeping the 2 as an "all or nothing" deal.