Help, including my cousins in the wedding.

amatjl51

 I have 4 cousins that are girls. My family is very close, and ever since I got engage they have been asking me if my cousins will be in the wedding party. My cousins are 17, 15, 12, and 10. I dont want to have a big wedding party, and I would have the 2 older girls be jr bridesmaids but i don't want their sisters (the younger ones) to feel left out. I was then thinking of instead of making the older girls jr bridesmaids (since i already have 5 girls in the wedding party) i could make them ushers with my 2 brothers since they are the same age, but then still i dont have anything for the younger 2. Any ideas on how I can incorporate my 2 younger cousins so no one feels left out?

mbcdefg

Junior bridesmaids ARE bridesmaids. So they're either BMs or they're not. It's fine if you want to include them, and also fine if you don't.

Positions of honor in a wedding are bridesmaids/groomsmen (or bridesmen and groomsmaids, or whatever you want to call them), readers, ushers, singers and musical performers, and religious ritual stuff (bringing up Communion, holding a huppah pole, etc.).

Other than that, just let people be guests and enjoy themselves. You can invite non-bridesmaids to hang out and get ready with you at the salon or hotel or your home, if you want to include them in "girly" things. (Obviously don't require them to pay for beauty treatments ... either leave it up to them, and then let them just hang out and sip champagne or something if they don't want a treatment done; or treat them as a gift).

suz62984

Some tasks include: Ring bearer, handing out programs, guest book attendant, honorary bridesmaids... wedding parties are different these days so having them be an usher or ring bearer is just fine.  With these tasks you could put them in the program and give them a corsage but also have them sit with the family during the wedding so it doesn't look like you have a HUGE wedding party. Good Luck.

emilyinchile

It doesn't sound like you actually want these cousins to be in the wedding - I mean I get the impression that you're fine with it, but if you're scrambling for "jobs" for them then clearly it's not a situation where you can't imagine getting married without them standing next to you. So just invite them as guests. If anyone is rude enough to ask why they aren't in the WP, say that you couldn't include all of them and couldn't choose between them because you love them all so much.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_including-cousins-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3c94f788-bd4a-4b47-9674-8aba3ef7254cPost:87c250ee-395d-4f8f-bf71-ca2188169cab">Re: Help, including my cousins in the wedding.</a>:
[QUOTE]Some tasks include: Ring bearer, handing out programs, guest book attendant, honorary bridesmaids... wedding parties are different these days so having them be an usher or ring bearer is just fine.  With these tasks you could put them in the program and give them a corsage but also have them sit with the family during the wedding so it doesn't look like you have a HUGE wedding party. Good Luck.
Posted by suz62984[/QUOTE]

Please don't give your cousins a "task" like guest book attendant or honorary bridesmaid.  Your guests probably know how to pick up a pen and sign the guest book without someone standing by telling them to pick up a pen and sign the guest book.  That's not a honor, it's lame and pointless.

What in heaven's name IS an "honorary bridesmaid".  Either someone is a bridesmaid or they're not.  Some might call someone who can't make the wedding an "honorary" bridesmaid, but IMO, they're simply an absent bridesmaid. 

How exactly does someone have the conversation about an honorary bridesmaid?  "I don't want you standing up front with me, but I feel like you need to be included.  So I'm going to list you in the program as an honorary bridesmaid instead.  You don't really participate, but aren't you happy that your name's in the program?"

Jobs are never appropriate for weddings:  guest book attendant, cake cutter, punch pourer, favor passer-outer, hostess, personal attendant, honorary bridesmaid are all meaningless titles.

If you're having to work this hard to find anything for your cousins to do, then stop working at it.  Let them be guests and enjoy the party.  If anyone is rude enough to ask why they're not included, simply answer that you love them enough to let them get down and have fun that day instead of assigning them some dopey "task".

megk8oz

I'm going to keep this short: 4 kids sound like an awful lot to try include. If you don't want to add them to the BP (Kind of sounds like you don't), then just "honor" them by having them attend as just guests.

If anybody tries to give you crap about it, just point out that there are 4 of them, and if you had 1 involved, you'd have to involve all of them, and that's just too many kids to "invent jobs for"-and how silly "inventing jobs" is.

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_including-cousins-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3c94f788-bd4a-4b47-9674-8aba3ef7254cPost:87c250ee-395d-4f8f-bf71-ca2188169cab">Re: Help, including my cousins in the wedding.</a>:
<strong>[QUOTE]Some tasks include: Ring bearer, handing out programs, guest book attendant, honorary bridesmaids</strong>... wedding parties are different these days so having them be an usher or ring bearer is just fine.  With these tasks you could put them in the program and give them a corsage but also have them sit with the family during the wedding so it doesn't look like you have a HUGE wedding party. Good Luck.
Posted by suz62984[/QUOTE]

These are not honors, they are chores.  Besides, what is a honorary BM anyway?  If you make them an "honorary" one just make them a "real" one.

Attending as a guest is an honor too and less offensive then giving out busywork just so you feel good about including them.