Bridesmaid Trouble...Please Help!

Missmonica1002

Okay, so here is the problem. I have 1 MOH and 4 BM. One of my BM is a really good friend of mine, and she got married last year. So she knows a lot, what to look for and who to talk to. Which helps big time.

But...

My hometown has had 2 wedding fairs so far, one in October, and one just this last Sunday. And there is one more January 31st. My BM has come to both of them, and just a friend to talk to. But it has turned into way more then that. The first wedding fair it wasn't that bad, and I was still new to the whole "engaged" thing and planning a wedding I really didn't know what to look for or really what I was looking for. Now having a couple months to plan, I have decided on things, and what I would like my wedding to look like. So yesterday at the wedding fair, we all get there, I have my mom, FH, FMIL, BM and myself all there. We start walking around looking at all the booths...and my bridesmaid takes off, and starts talking to DJ's, Limo People, Florists getting price quotes, ideas, playlists, EVERYTHING. I would walk up on the conversation, and hear them talking about things like SHE was the bride, she has no idea what my budget is, what I want or anything. And for one...the transportation she wants us to have a horse trolley, or wedding is in October, i dont want a horse trolley, but thanks. I go to these things to get ideas for myself. I know she is just trying to help, and I am NOT a bridezilla. But it is so frustrating, because this is the one and ONLY time i get to get married, and plan and go to the wedding fairs and enjoy them. I didn't get to sample any food, because she said "we dont need to worry about that we need a DJ and Flowers..." well you know what, i just want to have fun and i felt like i was being rushed, and couldn't enjoy myself. Then today my FMIL called my FH and told him that my BM seemed bossy, and didn't let us decide on anything.

Now I would like to know, the next Bridal Fair, i really would just like My FH. Mom FMIL and Myself to go. So I don't feel rushed, can enjoy myself, and take my time get the things i would like to get. How would i go about having her not go...I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I feel if she goes, its going to be the same deal as the last one, and i don't want that. Please help me think of an idea! My head is spinning!

 

ok WOW i didnt mean MORAL support, i just thought she would come to just come. not be in control. 

bablingbrooke

1.  You don't need "moral support" when you're planning your wedding.  It's a happy occasion.  You need moral support during life's tragedies.  So get some perspective here.

2.  Going to multiple wedding shows is a tall order.  BM clearly is going out of obligation and not because she's enjoying it.  Don't invite her to the next one.  But seriously, you need to go to three wedding shows?  Most people can't even handle one (myself included). 

3.  Would you have fun going with a friend to watch her agonize over ivory vs. white, roses vs. orchids, buffet vs. seated, etc?  Probably not.  It's fun for YOU and your mom and your FMIL and your DH because it's your wedding.  It's not necessarily fun for BMs.  That's not a crime.

4.  Make sure you go on some non-wedding-related outings w/ your BMs.  I get the feeling that it's all been wedding stuff, and it very much does not need to be.

SarahPLiz

I say don't invite her. Also, I went to 1 Bridal show this weekend, and I can't imagine enduring another one. The free food and cake was good, but the vendors who can afford to be there are usually the most expensive. Look at the stuff you got from the other fairs and contact the vendors on your own time. Then your BM can't be all up in your business.

emilyinchile

Don't invite her. If she mentions it, say that while you appreciate how helpful she's been, you want to make this one a family affair.

And while it would be frustrating to feel like she was stealing the show, I'm guessing she has good intentions and probably thinks she's being a really helpful BM by getting this information for you. Don't be upset with her, be grateful for the gesture. To avoid this in the future, make sure you're having non-wedding hangout time - if you don't include her in the planning (which you REALLY don't need to, you and your FI should do it all), she can't give her two cents.

banana468

I think it's best to not invite her to the next bridal fair. 

OR, see if YOU even need to go to it.  That could solve a lot of problems if the planning is settled by you, your FI and your families without her.

Then, all she needs to do is focus on things like her attire and she can be bossy about a shower if she's into throwing one.

mags0607

Its situations like this that I wonder WHY brides want all of this outside help and feel like they need moral support and hand-holding. This is your wedding to your FI, you two are the ones that should be doing most if not all of the planning, with input from parents if they are footing the bill. If you let too many people in on the decision making, you will end up frustrated (like you are) and not getting what you want out of the deal.

Its okay to bounce ideas off of others if you still stick to what you want for your wedding. Everyone will have an opinion if you let them and it can get overwhelming.Your solution is simple, don't ask her to the next bridal fair. Go with your fiance and discuss what you want.

You shouldn't have any problem telling her you want to do this on your own.

Pink7781

Just don't invite her to the next one. If she questions you, tell her that you want it to be an experience for your mom and FMIL to get to know each other. FWIW, I went to one bridal show and wanted to poke my eyes out with a hot spoon. The ones near me are super crowded and you'll likely feel rushed even without this bridesmaid there because there are so many people all trying to look at the same thing.

jeannigirl

Yikes Bridal fairs what a mess. I almost went to one last year but dropped it and decided to do research on my own. It was alot funnier doing it that way instead of trying to jockey for a position to talk with some florist or photographer etc.

Noone can ruin any expereince unless you allow them to. You not sampling food because she said it wasn't important, come on your an adult you could have gone ahead and did what ever you wanted to do. If she ran on her own gathering ideas thats her, you can still talk to the vendors she talked to if you were interested in them, I would never let anyone step up for me like that I would have done whatever I wanted to do on that day and whoever wanted to follow along with me could if not I wouldn't have tripped.