Removing a Bridesmaid

txteach4805

So, the best man and one of my bridesmaids are married but are now getting a divorce because she had an affair. Their son is our ring bearer....

Since he is the best man and my fiance's best friend and he didn't do anything wrong I want to keep him in the wedding party. However, its her fault they are getting a divorce and she obviously doesn't value fidelity in a marraige so I am wanting to ask her to not be a bridesmaid anymore but I would like some advice on how to handle that situation.

Any ideas?

LauraLarry

I think it's wrong that you're taking sides to their argument, and bringing that drama into your wedding. I think it's never okay to ask a bridesmaid/groomsmen to step down or "kick them out" of the wedding. I do however understand the situation and how difficult it must be on you. I would support your friends (she must be your friend if she's in your wedding) in their time of need and tell them to not talk or associate with each other on your wedding day. It would make you look like the bad person if you kicked her out of the wedding.

TiffannieF

I agree with PPs about no removing her. Besides you will probably cause more drama making it more stressful on yourself then if you let them deal with this on their own. I have a similar feeling as covejack however.

Summer2011Bride

I would not remove her. You don't know everything about their marriage or the reason they're divorcing because you aren't in the marriage. I wouldn't judge or take sides. She might end up removing herself because of the situation, and that is one thing, but you should not kick her out. Were you friends with her before this? I'm assuming so because she's a BM. Try being a friend right now for her. Even though you may not agree with what she did, do you know why she did it? Was she happy in her marriage? How does she feel now? I bet she could use a friend. If you feel like ending the friendship, well that's a different story I guess.

graysquirrel

Do you still want to be friends with her? Does her affiar bother you enough that you do not wish to continue the friendship? I ask because if you do not want to be friends, kicking someone out of the wedding is a sure way to lose a friend.

StephBeanWed61502

The thing is, you're choosing sides without knowing the whole story.  Okay, she cheated, but maybe he cheated six times before that and she never told you.  Or maybe he tells her she's a fat cow every day and hasn't slept with her in three years.  Or maybe there was no affair, and her H is lying to make himself look better.  The point is, you have no idea what has happened in the marriage, so if this woman is otherwise your friend and someone you respect, it's kind of extreme to jump right to destroying your friendship over her soon-to-be-ex-H's version of what happened to their marriage.  And if you kick her out, it will destroy the friendship.  You can kick her out if you really just never want to be her friend again, but if you want to have a friendship with her, don't.

MyNameIsNot

If you don't want to associate with her anymore, end the friendship.  Her involvement in your wedding will end as a result.  Don't do it the other way around.

If you want to continue the friendship with her, leave it alone.  

brosters

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_removing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3d5f2803-c1e2-4ae5-9e11-48f016824a89Post:60e76ab4-9c1d-496f-af2a-b2735dc941ab">Re: Removing a Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Some couple manage to stay civil and polite, even friendly, after a divorce.  I sincerely hope your  friends are one of those couples.  It is easier on everybody, especially the child. It is not your place to cast stones.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

probably kind of hard to stay friends  if she went and cheated on him. But if you kick her out,  it will just complicate things much more.

Chels&Jimmy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_removing-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:3d5f2803-c1e2-4ae5-9e11-48f016824a89Post:9c8d5874-7e93-43c8-8d2a-b1fcf74e59b7">Re: Removing a Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]The thing is, you're choosing sides without knowing the whole story.  Okay, she cheated, but maybe he cheated six times before that and she never told you.  Or maybe he tells her she's a fat cow every day and hasn't slept with her in three years.  Or maybe there was no affair, and her H is lying to make himself look better.  The point is, you have no idea what has happened in the marriage, so if this woman is otherwise your friend and someone you respect, it's kind of extreme to jump right to destroying your friendship over her soon-to-be-ex-H's version of what happened to their marriage.  And if you kick her out, it will destroy the friendship.  You can kick her out if you really just never want to be her friend again, but if you want to have a friendship with her, don't.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This.

</div>

rebarobert2012

I understand that the situation is difficult, but you should not ask her to step down.  Kicking someone out of the bridal party is a friendship-ending move.  Also, her affair doesn't have anything to do with your relationship with your fiance, so I don't think that you should choose sides.

It's likely that she will remove herself from your bridal party since the situation is so awkward.  However, if she doesn't, you will just have to trust that she and her ex-husband can be adults about the affair and put aside their differences for a day.  They really won't have to interact with each other much, if at all, at the wedding.